After we played on Sunday, Mrs. Lion left me wild (uncaged). I liked the freedom. When we got close to bedtime and I was still wild, I asked Mrs. Lion if she forgot or didn’t care if I were caged. I was genuinely worried. Yesterday, she wondered if I were being snarky. She also pointed out that she knew I wouldn’t cheat or even masturbate without a cage. She went on to say that she does recognize that my forced chastity has a positive effect on our marriage and that she wants me caged.
So what is my problem? Why did I feel I had to ask her about returning me to my cage? I was worried. I was very aware all afternoon and evening that Mrs. Lion made no mention of my wild state. When it got close to bedtime and my device was still on my nightstand, I began to worry that my chastity was going to be forgotten.
I realize that was unfair of me. On some level it shows that I don’t trust that Mrs. Lion is as serious about locking me up as I am. This, for me at least, is normal behavior. Every time I have bottomed I get anxious that at some point the power exchange will just vanish. I think that in this case I worry that three isn’t enough value to Mrs. Lion to make our chastity activities a priority. She’s said on more than one occasion that she is locking me up because I want her to. She is doing it because it makes me happy.
Part of me is sure there is an expiration date on doing things just to make me happy. How much good will capital do I have left with her? I realize I may be unfair, but it seems that this is a one-sided activity. So, when Mrs. Lion seems to forget, I start to worry that she is tired of doing this just for me and will simply stop.
I can’t blame her if she does. That’s not my point. The big issue is that my dependence makes me insecure. I am a very independent person. One reason for that is to protect myself from disappointment. When I am dependent, I worry. My worry can turn into snarky behavior, grumbles, or withdrawal. Clearly this is my problem and no one else’s. The big reason I stopped bottoming all those years ago was my inability to handle this insecurity.
I’m not worried that I will lose Mrs. Lion. We have been together 12 years and our love still grows every day. I think that being dependent adds a parent/child dimension. Sexually, I am helpless without Mrs.Lion’s explicit actions. I am dependent. I have surrendered sexual power to her and given her permission to discipline me as well. I an dependent in very real terms. This makes me insecure. Since in the past I never continued for more than a very short time (a month or two) as a bottom and even in that short time became bratty, it is safe to assume that even the more mature lion still has this issue.
At least I am aware of it and I am doing my best to keep reminding myself that I have no reason to worry or get insecure. Mrs. Lion is helping by being very consistent and clear with me. So, only on those rare occasions, like Sunday night, does the insecure lion creep out and assume the worst.