April 2014 (Page 8)

One of the hardest things for me to learn is acceptance. I am a type-A male. As such, I am used to taking action when I think it is needed. Clearly my sex life has to be eliminated from the list of things I can act on. My own sexual pleasure is completely dependent on my lioness. I can’t get aroused, much less orgasm, without her letting me. Surprisingly, I like that. It’s exciting to surrender power to her. That doesn’t mean it is easy for me.

If it all came down to me learning to wait for a chance to come, I think I could handle it with some grace. I know that I am used to telling my lioness when I am horny, usually with some clumsy moves that signal it to her. However, this is not a good thing for me to do. It’s topping from the bottom. She wants to make me happy and will feel pressure to get me off if I let her know I am horny. Of course on another level she knows I am always horny, however when I get blatant about it, she knows I am more anxious than usual. The right thing for me to do is to quietly wait for her to decide  I should come. Even if it is more often than I might like, it is wrong for me to express any opinion. My vote puts pressure on her.

There is another issue that has me puzzled: giving her pleasure. I shouldn’t make any sexual moves myself. She controls my sexuality. However, I know it is nearly impossible for her to ask or tell me to please her. I don’t want to get back to a situation where she does without rather than ask or tell. That’s what will happen if I don’t make the first move.  Can I be aggressive toward my keyholder? Is initiating pleasure just for her topping from the bottom? I just don’t know.

Every forced chastity relationship is different. Some keyholders find owning their males’ sexuality to be liberating. They become overnight sex fiends. Others find the new power uncomfortable and difficult, but they accept because they want to make their males happy. There are no right and wrong ways to do this. A keyholder has to find her own way. As a caged male, I have to take my cues from my lioness.

Forced male chastity by definition involves the keyholder restricting sexual access to the male’s penis. This is usually done with a device specifically designed for the purpose. Simply put, that’s it. Obviously it isn’t all for me and most other men. Once we lose our ability to get ourselves off, or even have sex with someone else, we have given away some important control. Our keyholder now has the ability to just leave us locked up and prevent us from ever having another orgasm if she wishes. Or, she can periodically release us so that she can use your cock to please her and still not allow orgasm. The point is that she has the ability to give or withhold satisfaction.

That much is obvious. Here’s the thing; when the two of you agreed to become caged male and keyholder, did you set any limits on what this new power involved? Did you agree to an orgasm schedule? Did you agree to what else besides controlling his ability to come this involves? Probably not. Most male fantasies don’t include any negotiations. They involve utter male surrender. Well, that’s why they are fantasies. They can omit the little things that actually makes forced male chastity work in the real world.

The first reality is that chances are very good that both you and your keyholder have little-to-no experience with forced male chastity. It is unfair to the new keyholder to expect her to understand exactly how to play the game so that you, the caged male, get what you have wanted for so long. It is also unfair to your keyholder to provide her with a script for your chastity play. Forced male chastity has two players. Each has to find something of value in the experience.

No one can really create a useful “contract” that spells out the do’s and don’ts of your chastity experience until you have both been at it a while. It’s not a bad idea to try writing one. However the first step is to determine your limits. Limits are a list of things that you as a caged male, absolutely don’t want included in your play. Similarly, your keyholder should be able to list the things she doesn’t want to do. Let’s look at some possible limits.

For the caged male, is there a maximum amount of time you will go without orgasm? Are you willing to wait for a year if your keyholder wants you to? Can your keyholder use withholding orgasm as a way to force you to wash the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry? Can she spank you if she wants? Can she tie you up and tickle you? You get the idea. Limits are boundaries beyond which she won’t go.

As a keyholder, are you willing to let him ask permission for every single thing he wants to do? Do you want to have “chastity talk” day and night? Are you willing to listen to him whining about not getting to have an orgasm? You need to decide what behavior you will accept as it relates to forced chastity.

While I said that initial contracts are not going to do a good job of covering all the do’s and don’ts, it can at least set initial limits. Limits aren’t forever. At any time you can agree to modify, expand, or reduce them. The key is “agree”. For a limit to change you both have to agree. As keyholder you can not demand he change a limit. As the caged male, you can’t beg and whine to get her to change one of hers.

Forced chastity is a shared experience and both partners have to play with the same rule book. The worst thing you can do is claim there are “no limits”. That’s silly. If you want to start without making a list, you can. If you do, then you owe each other a discussion if anything gets uncomfortable. If you do that, over time you will agree on your own set of limits. They don’t have to be written to be effective.