March 2014 (Page 5)

A great deal of the forced male chastity folklore revolves around the transformation of the male from inconsiderate thug to simpering submissive. The sexy fantasy has this transformation automatically happening when the lock clicks shut. Many guys try to actually make this change. Has anyone asked the  keyholder what she wants?

Speaking from my experience as a former top, submissive service — you know, fetching things, cleaning, chores, etc. — carries a high price for the top. No submissive expects to just do these things without some reinforcement. It’s like being caged and then having your partner just leave you that way with no further activity or conversation. Sound like fun? No? Well, that means your keyholder has just inherited a lot of homework when she agreed to lock you up.

The point is that most of us guy make a lot of assumptions about our keyholders. We expect them to like their new role and to do all those things that will torment and tease us. We expect them to enjoy our service and provide lots of rules, reinforcements, and punishments. Did we ask them if they wanted to do all this? Nope.

The first time my Lioness and I tried this sort of play, I made all the usual assumptions. I expected her to love teasing me and making me wait for my chance to come. I thought she would enjoy making and enforcing rules for me to follow. Basically I assumed that she would make topping me her new hobby, maybe even career. It’s not too surprising that it didn’t work out. She has other things she would prefer doing. Worse yet for my fantasy, sexual service is not at all what she wants from me. She wants romance and vanilla lovemaking, at least within the limits of being caged. That wasn’t how I thought it would work. I imagined she would lie on the bed and demand I eat her; tell me to lick her all over, bathe her, etc. Nope, not at all.

It all comes back to the fact that forced chastity is rarely the idea of our partners. We come up with it and then expect full participation in our fantasy. That sounds more like work to our partners than fun. I realized that I needed an attitude adjustment. I’ve been working on making that change since I’ve been locked up. If you read the featured post and my Lioness’ response, you can see that I haven’t been very successful. However, I now have a fairly clear idea of what I need to do. She’s working hard to give me what I want. I am reciprocating. That’s the whole point; chastity is for us, not something done to us. We need to pay back the favor with our keyholders, not in some fantasy submissive way, but in a way she wants.

One of the key concepts behind forced chastity is sexual control. This is interesting to me because it implies that without my cage I would stray. Of course I wouldn’t. I haven’t in my entire relationship with my Lioness, and being caged doesn’t change that. However, the purpose of the cage in our case isn’t about a dalliance with a stray lioness. It’s a powerful symbol of control, at least to me. That’s the other key factor: my Lioness isn’t caging me to stake out her sexual territory; she is doing it to help me realize a fantasy/kink for female control. This fantasy and its realization are inconsistent in our marriage. My Lioness trusts me. I know she isn’t a bit worried about me prowling. I am pretty sure she doesn’t really care if I masturbate or not. So my cage is more sporting equipment than security device. We are playing a long-term sexual game.

In this game my Lioness gets to make sexual rules I must follow. She can tease me as much as she wants without release. She can ignore me sexually and watch me stew in my own juices. I get to experience the exquisite frustration of desperately wanting release but being unable to get it. My penis has always been a toy available to me anytime I want to play. It is still there, but thanks to my cage, all it is good for now is urination. I can get myself excited, but all that does is make the cage tighter and leads to no satisfaction at all. I never realized how much I enjoyed simply getting hard; feeling the weight of my hard cock hanging in front of me. I loved the sensation of gently fucking the sheet if I got an early morning erection. That doesn’t happen anymore.

This game is very much all about me. I know that. I wish my Lioness had as much fun frustrating me as I am having as the caged male. But she doesn’t. I often wonder why I like losing something I love. What is it about losing control of my toy that is so exciting? Is it that because my cock is out of reach, it is more enticing? Forbidden fruit. I don’t know.

The fact that my Lioness is willing to devote time and energy to this game is a real tribute to her love for me. I am grateful that I am so lucky. It’s ironic that the fantasy is that my mate gets pleasure and comfort by having absolute physical control over my cock, when the reality is that she never worried about letting me run wild. I am the one getting pleasure out of surrendering control.

This is the key point: forced chastity isn’t so much about my partner taking control away from me as it is about me surrendering control to her. I think that a lot of men who want to be caged would have much better luck with their partners if they approached this as something they do, not something their partners take. This is surrender, not capture.

So much conversation on the Web by people actually involved in chastity is centered around sex. It seems ironic to me that men wearing cages spend so much time talking about getting sexual satisfaction. Some of the few keyholders who contribute also talk almost exclusively about sexual activity with their caged males. I have to admit that the non-sexual stuff relating to my chastity is mostly about keeping from smelling like pee, avoiding pinching when sitting in certain chairs, and dealing with peeing sitting down. None of those topics are very interesting, even to me.

A recent post has generated some rare insights into some keyholder feelings that I, for one, didn’t really understand. Being caged sets up some very specific expectations of our keyholders. They are expected to keep us locked up, tease us, give us orgasms from time to time, and demand the sexual pleasure they want. The first three represent things they do to or for us, the last something we do for them. But there’s a problem. Our keyholders are expected to take their pleasure from us. We are not giving it to them. Being “forced” to please our keyholders is really an extension of our chastity fantasy. We have surrendered control and our keyholders have taken it.

It didn’t occur to me that having to “take” pleasure from me wouldn’t be as wonderful for my Lioness as it would be for me.  As it turns out, she really doesn’t want to do that at all. She doesn’t even want to tell me to please her. I knew some of this. We had talked about this topic a few times. I didn’t realize that her unwillingness to demand pleasure extended so much further. She really wants a very vanilla approach to lovemaking. She needs me to initiate cuddling and other pleasant romantic activities and then ease into pleasing her. There is nothing about my chastity that would prevent this. There are a few issues I have that cause me a problem.

One reason, I suspect, that forced chastity is so appealing to me is that it should relieve me of the need to initiate sex. Most of the stuff I read online (from real couples, not solo male fantasies) has the female partner being assertive about her sexual needs. The male, if he knows what’s good for him, makes sure she gets what she wants. As the initial comment to my previous post pointed out, that isn’t the case with her, and it isn’t the case with Mrs. Lion.

I can’t find any working models that fit this other case. The thing is, Mrs. Lion is right. She is locking me up because it is what I want. She is providing the teasing and orgasm control I want and need. What she isn’t doing is changing her basic sexual needs. As a result, she gives up sex for herself while continuing to please me. I can’t speak for anyone else, but this is not acceptable to me. What I imagined to be a way that we both could get what we need and have a lot of fun has turned out to be a selfish exercise for my pleasure alone. To try to fix it, I proposed scheduling Lioness pleasing. That way, I thought, she wouldn’t have to initiate or demand anything and I could feel the control the schedule imposes. Not true.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t want scheduled sex. She wants a vanilla man/woman interaction that includes me initiating affection that will escalate to full on sex. I should be able to do that without any problem, but I can’t. My Lioness has been willing to do so much to make me happy and I am saying I can’t do what she needs. That has to end. I have to change and change now.

What started as a sexually exciting adventure into forced male chastity is becoming a deeper, emotional journey for us both. I had started to wonder what I would write here. The idea of generating real-life porn by relating each sexual adventure just doesn’t fit me well. Now I am finding that living in a cage has opened some new doors. I think you may be reading more about my efforts, successful and unsuccessful to please my Lioness. I suspect that she and I are not alone in this. If this fits your life, please add your voice. If it doesn’t, don’t worry, there are lots of sexy adventures ahead if I know my Lioness.