The Power Of “Good Boy”
This may sound silly, but I really light up when Mrs. Lion says, “Good Boy!” to me. I can’t explain why, but it does. I know she thinks it is demeaning and silly and she really doesn’t want to say it. She wrote about that here. The thing is that I really love earning that. I also truly love earning a “Good Job!” too. This is way bigger for me than it might seem on the surface.
Somehow we need to figure out how to support the keyholder led sexual relationship inside a more traditional partnership
In reality, what I really need is praise for doing the right thing, but not praise the way you would praise your employee or friend, but praise from a superior, or, if you will the way you praise a pet. This may sound odd, but Mrs. Lion has control of an important part of me. I have asked her to take control. That puts her in the position of making decisions about rewards and punishments, praise or criticism. It’s what I want.
It isn’t easy to put that on someone you love and who loves you. I am sure Mrs. Lion does not want to think of her husband as a pet. We already have pets. That isn’t what I am asking. I am still the lion of the house. I still pay the bills and make a lot of decisions for us as a couple. I am not passive, nor ever will be. So how does all this praise, punishment, and control fit it?
I have to admit that the praise and punishment is the tip of this iceberg. We don’t tend to think of each other in neat compartments. Mrs. Lion owns the sexual compartment, I own the bill paying one. It is never that easy for either the caged male or his keyholder. But if we are to make long term forced chastity work, we need to do just that. Somehow we need to figure out how to support the keyholder led sexual relationship inside a more traditional partnership. By extension, if other areas of life outside the cage are also involved, the solution must include them as well.
In terms of actions, it may be simpler. If we agree (Mrs. Lion and I) on the boundaries of her keyholder authority, then what is and isn’t inside of our play should be clear to both of us. It still doesn’t help with the emotional components that make it so difficult to be a keyholder. To the caged male the temptation is to say, “All you have to do is…..” I realize this sort of advice, aside from topping from the bottom, isn’t at all helpful. Mrs. Lion is doing her best to work into this difficult role. I have to be patient and constantly remain aware just how much I am asking her to change. It turns out that wearing the cage is the easier job.
False Security
Over the last fifteen years I have experimented with forced male chastity and the various devices available to enforce it. I’ve also read lots of stuff by males who buy devices alone or with a partner. The biggest rookie mistake by far is over-concern with “Security.” Guys have spent countless thousands of dollars on devices that claim to prevent arousal and orgasm. Some are pretty effective.
If you are new to this and contemplating the right choice in chastity hardware, you are reading at the right time. First and foremost, if you lock yourself up or have your keyholder lock you up, is it a challenge to see if you can get off despite the hardware? If it is, that’s ok, but this isn’t the right blog for you. If you aren’t, then it’s time to get real about hardware. There is a rule in chastity hardware: The more secure the device, the more uncomfortable to wear. Let’s look at what security entails.
The main purpose of a chastity device is to keep your hands off your penis. A secondary purpose is to prevent you from inserting it anywhere that is not authorized by your keyholder. Virtually every device is designed to prevent you from getting yourself off while wearing it. That’s the real purpose. Are they effective? That is the big question. If the purpose is to prevent you from ever having an orgasm without permission and being unlocked, nothing including full belts really work.
A solo chastity belt wearing male spent a lot of money for a full belt. No physical access to his penis was possible. The locks were protected by hard stainless steel. Escape was functionally impossible. After wearing it two months, he returned to the maker and said that he needed a stainless steel bra. A bra? Yes. The man learned that if he played with his nipples, he could come. Sex is in the brain, not the penis. One way or another, someone determined to come will do it. So what are you looking for if you want to be caged?
In my opinion you want a device that will prevent erection and will prevent casual penis play. The moment you go for “security” beyond that, you are going to regret wearing the device. For example, pretty much every cage can be escaped by forcing the flaccid penis out behind the cock and ball ring. If the ring is too loose, that is easy to do and you might even be able to reinsert after you finish playing with yourself. To combat this, many makers offer little points (dull or sharp) that will hurt like hell if you try to pull out. What they don’t tell you is that when you try to get hard, and we all do in our sleep if nowhere else, those points will dig in and wake you up with the pain.
Another rookie mistake is buying with a too-small cock ring. The thinking is that if the ring is tight enough, pull out is impossible. That’s true, but you won’t be wearing it very long. A too-tight ring is very painful and cuts off circulation. Similarly a too-loose ring will let balls escape on their own. That’s not so pleasant either.
The goal is, believe it or not, comfort. You want a cage you can comfortably wear forever without having to remove it. This requires careful measurement and some trial and error. I am very happy that my Jail Bird is so comfortable that I usually don’t feel it at all. I can go about my life without it making things more difficult. It is also very effective. I can’t get myself off while it is on. As I wrote before, my attempted erections are only the length of the cage. In short, it does its intended job without upsetting my life. Make your goal comfort. Your will power plus a decently fitting cage is enough to assure your forced chastity.
Male Control
I know that for me forced chastity is more than just caging my penis. It also involves at the least, loss of sexual control. Giving up control, or more correctly, losing control to my keyholder has always been a big part of my chastity fantasies. I think it is part of most forced chastity male fantasies. It is this part of the fantasy that is probably the most difficult for a new keyholder. How many partners want the extra emotional and physical effort to “train” or “condition” the chaste male? This aspect is the most difficult for my lioness. She doesn’t seem to like the role of top.
The top role involves reward and punishment. More correctly, it is reward and correction. To a new top, there is a lot of mystery and anxiety about being put in the position of administering correction. Providing rewards is no problem for most. Can a caged male feel controlled with rewards alone? I am sure it won’t work for me. Only by feeling the presence of my top’s control of me can I experience my desired sense of her ownership of my cock. Optimally, if I am to realize my fantasy, my keyholder will condition my behavior to her liking.
This is where real life gets difficult. My lioness has never been trained in the art of male control. I can’t think of anyone who has prior to a male asking for it. So, as a new keyholder your only input is probably your caged male partner. Clearly we caged males are not the best source of help. We have had years of fantasy to move further and further away from reality. We need reigning in.
Assuming you want to consider male control, the biggest problem is where to start and how to enforce your wishes. My suggestion is to start with things that are easy to see and have little-to-no emotional loading for you or him. Things like, fetching you treats, pampering you, or even some simple behavioral changes are a good place to start. If you are uncomfortable asking for things for yourself, consider the behavioral route. For example, you can require that your male always stand with his hands behind his back if he isn’t holding or carrying anything. In this case, you are just providing a harmless behavioral change.
When you want to make a behavioral change, there are two things you should do to make the change unconscious: reward success and provide correction when the behavior doesn’t happen. The reward is as simple as a “Good boy!” when you observe him doing what you asked. The correction is a bit more difficult. Optimally, corrections should be immediate. They can be as simple as a “Where are your hands?”, or something physical. Stay tuned for some ideas for immediate correction ideas.
One technique almost guaranteed to make a new keyholder wince is electro stimulation. This is the use of a device that gives a very brief and safe shock to your male when he needs correction. I know that I won’t like being corrected this way, but I know from my reading in behavioral psychology it is effective and humane. One relatively cheap (less than $100) way to do this is with a dog’s anti-bark collar — the kind with a remote control. This can be strapped under your male’s balls with the contact on his scrotum. These collars have many levels of correction available. The weakest ones will barely be felt. These devices offer the significant advantage of limiting the keyholder’s action to simply pressing a button. The caged male will feel it and if he chooses to ignore it, you can escalate easily. It isn’t visible under almost any clothing, it’s waterproof, and it will truly work if you are consistent with its use. I hate to say I “want” this, but I am sure it will be effective and give me the feeling of being controlled that I crave.
It isn’t really fair that we caged males have such complex wishes. Forced chastity is more than a caged penis. As a keyholder, you probably never knew this was so involved. We caged males should be aware of how much we want and our keyholders understand that we don’t expect perfection. This lifestyle takes lots of time to take root and flourish.
Request Denied
Lion is a very smart boy, but sometimes he thinks too much. Out of nowhere he asked me last night if I even like his cage. Hmmm. How to answer? Carefully. I said I didn’t know if I really like it. He said if he asked to have it removed what would I do. I said I’d have to find out if he wanted it removed because he wanted it removed or because he thought I wanted it removed. He said that was not an answer. Sure it is.
When we started this I was doing it for him. I was told to embrace my inner top. I didn’t know I had one. I’m still not sure I do. But I won’t know if I don’t try. And removing the cage would only prove that I don’t.
Yesterday he told me that he seemed to be hornier than usual lately. Since he’s always horny I didn’t really respond. I think he wants me to flip a switch and be horny too. I explained that after so much time not being horny, it will take some time to get back to it. A person who is overweight didn’t just wake up one morning with 40 extra pounds hanging off of them. It took time to get that way just like it will take time to lose the weight once they start exercising.
Another thing his questioning did was pull the rug out from under me. I thought I was doing pretty well. Maybe not pretty well, but I thought I was making progress. Now I’m unsure again. I have two choices. I can give up and uncage him, which I know he doesn’t want. Or I can try even harder. I’m trying harder.
So, my lion, your request to have your cage removed has been denied by order of Mrs. Lion.
