Let’s Try This Again
I have instituted a new rule that will be very easy for Lion to follow. By noon each workday, he must contact me by text, email, or phone. That’s it. It can be as simple as a kiss message or as elaborate as he cares to get. He usually does this anyway so it shouldn’t be too much of a chore. I figure no matter how busy he is he can sneak in a text that says KISS. After all, I am the boss. He should let me know he’s thinking of me. I haven’t decided what the punishment will be for failing to meet the deadline. Probably swats.
Now on to the problem that has been bothering me these past few days. How do I deal with Lion and his suggestions that suddenly become the law of the land? First, I really do like his suggestions. They let me know what he’s thinking and what he may or may not want. As long as I am the one deciding whether or not we follow through with a suggestion, things run fairly smoothly. There are times that his suggestions do make me feel like I’m not doing what he wants and it gets overwhelming that things keep changing. I need to work on that. Lion needs to work on his assumptions that rules will be instituted.
From now on, if I get overwhelmed by his suggestions I will tell him (hopefully before I get too frustrated) and he will not be punished. When I approve a rule change I will state it clearly. If he assumes a rule has been put into effect and writes a post about it when, in fact, there is no rule, he will be punished I will decide what the punishment will be at that time. It could be swats. It could be a day or more added to his wait time. I could be loss of playtime.
Speaking of loss of playtime, I just made that up. Lion and I had an agreement that I will play with him every other day. If he is naughty, it seems to me losing this privilege would be a good punishment. Sort of a solitary confinement. He hates that. I can use that to my advantage. Mean Mrs. Lion!
All I have to do (I hate that saying) is to follow through with these ideas and that’s the most difficult part of all of this.
Root Cause
Mrs. Lion and I frequently differ on how we remember things. We also differ on interpreting my input on my enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion has said that she feels that she is failing because I want to “change” things. I don’t see it that way at all. I can understand why she might feel that way. I am caged because I asked to be. As far as I can tell, she sees my enforced chastity as something she is doing to make me happy. So, if I suggest something new it must mean that I am not happy with what we are doing now. This is what I think is at the bottom of our current issues. I don’t see my suggestions as “change.” To me, they are tweaks to discover what works and doesn’t work.
If, in fact, this is all just to make me happy, which is a wonderful gift to me that I truly appreciate, it might be more satisfying for both of us if we look a bit deeper than the external stuff I have been suggesting. At the bottom of all this, at least for me, is a power exchange where Mrs. Lion takes control of my sex life. All of the other stuff: my cage, wait times, punishments, rewards, etc. are tools she can use to exercise that control. My “suggestions” reflect how I am reacting to our current experiments and how I think she can enhance my feeling of her control.
I get discouraged because it feels to me that to Mrs. Lion this is not about her feeling control or ownership. It feels like she is doing “things” that will satisfy me. So, if I suggest that I won’t really feel punished if I only have to wait an extra day, it feels to her that I want to change the rules; that I am not “happy” with her one day punishment. It’s not that I am happy or unhappy with the status quo. I am just trying to help Mrs. Lion understand how I think she can best control me.
Truthfully, I would rather not suggest anything. I would be happier if she experimented to see what works best for us. I would be fine with her responding to my suggestions with a firm “No!” and even punishing me for being impudent enough to tell her how to do her job. I wasn’t trying to provoke that reaction. Upon reflection, after reading her post yesterday, I realized that her response wasn’t coming from a place of power. It was coming from a loving wife just trying to make her husband happy.
She has frequently said that she really doesn’t know what to do in regard to my chastity. I think that may be because she is trying so hard to make me happy, she doesn’t see the deeper need that brought me to suggesting this lifestyle. Or, she does see it but really doesn’t want to go that way. That possibility is why I wrote my last post about giving up. The last thing I want to hear is, “I thought I was doing what you want.”
On the other hand, I am not asking her to just do things that I don’t want. That doesn’t fit the power exchange either. That’s what makes this so difficult for us. Mrs.Lion is stuck with a partner who has a strong need for control. The need isn’t based on behavioral problems that need correcting. It’s just a need; a major kink that I have. This isn’t news. From the first I have discussed this and Mrs. Lion has tried to do things that accommodate this kink. Our enforced chastity is the strongest expression of this need I have ever made and I am deeply grateful for her continuing efforts to meet it.
I realize that change doesn’t happen overnight and that most men who want this lifestyle would be in heaven with what she has done. I love her efforts! Nothing I am writing here is critical of them. She is doing very well. Just as my enforced chastity has vastly improved our sex life, it has also opened an area for improvement.
Mrs. Lion has learned to be comfortable, or at least not so unhappy with the things we do. Some challenge her loving nature and others her ability to consistently follow a plan. I think her biggest challenge is that she, by nature, isn’t a controlling person. I know she doesn’t have a deep desire for domestic power. She is very happy with me ruling the den.
I suspect we aren’t alone. This is an issue that I think ends many enforced chastity attempts. To her credit, Mrs. Lion isn’t giving up. I am deeply grateful that she is willing to keep going. The big question is how to make this work over the long term. Mrs. Lion isn’t going to change into a different person. I don’t want her to do that. Then, what do I want her to do?
I’ve thought about this a lot. It’s unlikely that Mrs. Lion is going to get a visceral thrill out of controlling me. She is who she is. I love who she is. So, how do we bridge this gap? My hope is that Mrs.Lion will find pleasure in some of the activities that make me feel controlled. That will give her an incentive to do those things.
Now we get to the part that is hardest for me. I need to exercise the self-discipline to avoid suggesting any “improvements” or “experiments” to her. I must accept what she wishes to do. I think that might be the easiest way to avoid upsetting her about my appreciation of her efforts. I will do that unless she asks for my input. I am also pretty sure I will “forget” and start suggesting again. This is an area that requires a firm hand from her to help me learn to know my place.
Before I seal my lips, my last unsolicited suggestion is that Mrs. Lion react to me only after considering that she, not I, is in charge. I want her to say no. I want her to “make” me do things. I am wearing the cage because I want her, and only her to decide when I can get hard or have an orgasm. I want her to enforce her wishes with punishments she feels appropriate. Similarly I want her to bestow rewards when she feels I’ve earned them.
I recognize that I have a strong personality and tend to take control. I realize that I am not the easiest male to train and control. My goal is to be more accepting and to reinforce my wonderful keyholder’s effort to give me what I requested all those months ago. I hope she can help me reach this goal.
That’s Not What She Said
Obviously Lion and I aren’t communicating as well as we think. I know I’ve told him that ok does not necessarily mean yes especially when we are talking about new rules and changes to the status quo. By the same token, I’ve been misinterpreting his suggestions as changes he’d like to make. We need to get on the same page. In addition to that, Lion lives and dies by his calendar. He has many meetings every day, and sometimes multiple meetings at the same time that he has to weed through to decide which he needs to attend. I have three meetings a month, all on Tuesday. I never have to look at my calendar.
My post yesterday was more of a knee jerk reaction to my misinterpreting his suggestions and the ensuing changes that seem to keep coming. And how do I remember what the rules are and when he is supposed to have an orgasm? Quite often I see his suggestions as a sign that I’m not doing something right. Why else would he want a change? This makes me more unsteady. I know he writes posts praising me for things, but I really do wonder if I’m doing anything right. And when he writes a post that says we are definitely doing something that we only talked about, I feel steamrolled. So I retreat into the “safety” of the original rule and try to regroup.
I don’t want to uncage Lion. It wouldn’t make me happy. It would make me feel like I’ve failed. Lion has promised me a fix to my faulty memory. He ordered it on Amazon. I wasn’t aware they sold new brains, but Amazon does sell everything from A to Z. Maybe it’s something that will smack me in the head and tell me when to give him his scheduled orgasm.
As far as non-scheduled orgasms are concerned, I’ve got that covered. Last night Lion had the Njoy butt plug firmly inserted and I decided to play with him. He said he was very horny. I knew I was playing with fire, but I really was going to just tease him with my mouth. Then I remembered it had been a long time since he’d had an orgasm with a butt plug in. He said it’s difficult to come with something in his ass. I told him that sounded like a challenge to me and he said he didn’t intend it as one. Too late! It didn’t take too long and he said it actually hurt a little. Well, that just gives him something to remember me by.
I was going to leave him wild for a day just because, but I was afraid he would take that as further evidence that I don’t want him caged anymore. So back in the cage he went. I’m not even sure it matters if we call his next orgasm scheduled or not since he’s had two bonus orgasms, but it is still set for Tuesday. I will decide at that time what the next date will be and what rules will apply. And we will continue to try to improve our communication.
Maybe It’s Time To Stop
Yesterday, along with you, I learned that “ok” from Mrs. Lion doesn’t mean “yes,” it just means that she heard what I said. So, now my understanding of how coupons and extra days work is incorrect. That’s fair enough. Since I have the coupons and whatever redemption rules she finally settles on, I can still elect to keep them in the drawer. The question I ask myself is why it is so difficult sometimes. Take wait times; I don’t necessarily remember every date, but I have a calendar that works on my phone and computer. So, I create an appointment called “O”. If “O” is on 9/9, I see it on my phone as coming up. If Mrs. Lion adds a week, I simply update my calendar to show 9/16. Mrs. Lion can see my calendar too. Her phone should be syncing with my calendar. No memorization needed. I am happy to take on the job of remembering the next time I get to come. Trust me, I don’t need the calendar. I count the days.
I don’t think that Mrs. Lion thinks I would lie to her. I wouldn’t. I was concerned I could make a mistake about the dates. That’s why I make an entry on the calendar. As she likes to remind me, I asked to be caged, so it is fair that I do the bookkeeping since she finds that difficult. The frequency of “O” dates seems to be decreasing. That further enhances my memory. We had talked about this issue of tracking rewards and punishments. That’s why I printed the Good Lion and Naughty Lion coupons. No memory at all is needed. Write one up and stick it to the fridge. We both see them until cashed in. When I got those hard swats last week, Mrs. Lion took the coupon and tore it up. Case closed.
It’s true that a lot of caged males like elaborate rule systems and games to add interest to their chastity. I am not interested in that. I suggested the longer penalty wait time, for example, because one day just isn’t a deterrent to me. If Mrs. Lion prefers to add only a day, that’s completely up to her. She won’t have to remember the new date. I will. It will appear on her calendar. It’s my job to do the paperwork.
Sometimes it seems to me that caging me is just too much work and trouble for Mrs. Lion. She regularly writes about how difficult it is to remember dates, think of things to do , etc. Her post yesterday highlights how much trouble locking me up has become. I keep thinking that things are getting easier and that we are evolving into a sustainable way of life that, at least to date, has improved our sex life. I also thought that she liked my suggestions about coupons. Wrong on both counts.
As I wrote months ago when we started this adventure, it won’t work unless both of us get something from it. Now, seven months later, I am the only one benefiting. That makes me feel thoughtless and selfish. It makes me want to stop. I don’t want to be trouble or an inconvenience to Mrs. Lion. I want to make her life better, not harder. I’ve learned that “ok” doesn’t mean “yes.” I am learning that “yes” doesn’t mean “I want to do this.”
Mrs. Lion is right. I have been designing how my chastity will go. She noted that and said that it is up to her. She’s right, it is. However, inaction isn’t the same as making the rules. That doesn’t mean she is obligated to create a lion rule book that rivals the NFL in its excruciating detail. It does mean that there are some rules that she wants to enforce. It means that we work together to help her to handle the problem of remembering dates. For me to want to continue, I do need to feel that there is something in this for her. Otherwise, I think the cage should come off.
