Tight, Sexual Focus
I’ve been thinking about changes enforced chastity has made in me; not the obvious ones like losing access to my penis, but more subtle effects it has had on me. Most interesting I think is that I am much more sexually focused. Before being locked in a chastity device, my thoughts of sex were fairly random. If I saw a pretty woman or something else happened to turn my thoughts toward sex, I enjoyed a short diverting fantasy. But sex was never top of mind for me unless it was about to happen.
That may be oversimplifying, but in fact, sexual thoughts were more diffused and reserved for situations where there was some sort of stimulus. Of course, I’m no teenager and my hormones are not running wild. If I were much younger things might be different.
Now that I have been wearing a chastity device for a year, I’ve noticed that the way I think about sex has changed. I rarely, if ever, respond to visual stimulus. Yes, I still really like a cute female ass, but I don’t react. It’s less visceral and more academic, like seeing a fine painting and admiring the artist’s technique. I’m aware that the Jail Bird is locked on my penis and that I couldn’t do anything about that cute butt even if she wanted me to have sex with her. The fantasy just won’t work that way.
I am much more aware that I am horny when I am wearing the device. I want release. My attention is focused on getting penile stimulation; maybe not orgasm, but attention. My sexual thoughts are on what could happen to my penis if Mrs. Lion unlocks it.
Of course it isn’t that simple. In my case, Mrs. Lion hasn’t been interested in having me sexually please her. So my focus has been on my own sensations. However, while I’ve always loved giving her orgasms, the ones she lets me give her now are much more intense for me. They arouse me more and I love seeing her experience intense orgasms.
My release or teasing is generally by hand; not mine, hers. In the last month or so, I have been out of my cage twice for about ten days each time. During that time, I’ve noticed that in the shower and in bed, I don’t react at all to my own touch. I wasn’t trying to get off, but I was curious to see how it felt to get hard on my own. I didn’t.
I think that the cage has the effect of sexually focusing me on those very short intervals when I am unlocked for sexual activities. I can feel myself getting conditioned to respond to the stimulus Mrs. Lion gives me at those times. I find myself craving her touch since I associate that with my only source of sexual pleasure. She also uses her mouth, but only after manual stimulation. Another blogger who has been involved in enforced chastity for years commented that his wife almost always provides him with stimulation by letting him fuck her. He has learned to associate her vagina with his pleasure.
You may be thinking that all heterosexual men associate vaginas with sexual pleasure. Of course you are right. But his focus is more intense I think. Most of us think of vaginal sex as a most desirable activity, but to him it is his only opportunity for arousal and occasional release.
The very nature of our chastity devices makes this sort of focus inevitable over time. I wonder how many of our keyholders realize this. I suspect that we get conditioned without conscious planning by our keyholders. I’m sure Mrs. Lion didn’t plan on conditioning me to strong sexual response to her touch.
Be that as it may, there is an opportunity for a keyholder to shape her partner’s sexual responses. It doesn’t require any conversations with him or careful planning. All that has to happen is she consistently give him stimulation (tease and deny) and release in the way she wishes him to focus. If he is like me, he will unconsciously focus on any pattern of behavior that occurs when he is unlocked. For example, if you always spank him before unlocking him, he will associate the spanking with his sexual stimulation. Or if you do any sort of ritual immediately prior to stimulating him, he will associate that ritual with sexual pleasure. I suspect as a keyholder, you might be able to make use of this conditioning for your amusement and pleasure.
Books and Blogs
Lion gives me way too much credit. I used the butt plug last night because after my post yesterday he said he might be too sore for anything else. I told him there were a lot of other ways to play with him than just teasing him. Why did I seem a little more abrupt with it than other times? He was in an awkward position. I probably should have used more lube, but I figured it wouldn’t have gone in as well as it did if he needed more lube. There has been no new leaf turned over.
I did download some e-books to do research. Lion says he doesn’t want to be my only source. He suggested reading some of the blogs he reads. Wouldn’t they then be the same source? Am I over thinking that? Probably. The first book I read was all about reawakening the intimacy and then moved into why and how people do chastity. Very basic. We’re past that. I haven’t looked at the second book yet. I haven’t looked at any of the blogs.
I guess I’m unsure what I’m supposed to be learning. Is he waiting for me to discover a new thing that I just have to try? Why would I want to try it? Does he want to try it? I know he wants me to find something I enjoy. I know he thinks if I don’t get something out of it then it will never last. I do get something out of it. It makes him happy. Why can’t that be my thing?
I’ll look at the blogs and the other book. I’ll try to figure out some way to punish him for things. One thing will be for interrupting me. Another might be suggesting I read blogs and books to find something I enjoy. Just kidding, Lion. Sort of.
Mrs. Lion’s New Leaf
Last night was play night. Mrs. Lion out of kind consideration for my penis injury, a small bruise on the frenum which had been a bit uncomfortable when I get hard, she decided to pay attention to my rear end. Very unceremoniously, she shoved the Njoy plug up my ass. Generally she eases it in with minimal discomfort for me. This time it went in with a firm, steady pressure. The ache subsided after about ten minutes and it nestled there comfortably. I’m not sure if this is part of Mrs. Lion turning over a new leaf, so to speak, but it is something completely new.
I know she said she was going to do independent research; read no more topping from the bottom. It could be this is the first thrust. I have to say that she performed her ass-shoving with the utmost good nature. She was all smiles and, “poor boy.” The sympathy didn’t exactly ring true.
She got some ebooks on chastity from Amazon and spent some time this evening reading. She said the first book was worthless, just a discussion of why to do male chastity. She already knows that. It’s definitely a step in the right direction in terms of keyholding. I’ll let you in on a professional secret: I write this column the night before. So, I am typing away with that plug up my ass. It doesn’t hurt, but I know it is there.
This is not a case of, “Be careful what you wish for.” I think the combination of Mrs. Lion’s good nature and her new found approach to my enforced chastity will produce a very effective result. Ultimately, an effective, long-term enforced chastity adventure requires that both people find what works for themselves and for the relationship. It may seem odd, but I think the most difficult part to figure out is the reason for doing it.
Obviously, we started this because I want it. I get a sense of fulfillment and comfort from the power exchange we have. The cage on my penis is a turn on for me. That’s great, but is it the reason? These are the benefits. Should we have a goal? Aren’t the benefits enough? I’ve been thinking a lot about this. It’s the nerd in me. Here’s what I came up with:
A solid, conscious goal is asking too much of something like enforced chastity. Let’s face it, I introduced it to Mrs. Lion because it was something I wanted badly. I didn’t want her to lock me up so I could learn to do anything or stop doing something I shouldn’t. The idea just turns me on. Since Mrs. Lion and I both agree that I don’t masturbate excessively or chase other lionesses. I don’t have any sexual problems that chastity will cure.
Nevertheless, I really like the idea of rules and discipline. But rules for what? See? We’re back to goals and reasons. So, without any real issues to correct, what do we have? I think it is … well, a hobby, Don’t get me wrong. That’s not trivializing enforced chastity. It’s just moving it from correction to recreation. Mrs. Lion taking power makes me feel good. We do it in our spare time, except that I am locked up all the time. It’s a hobby.
Hobbies can be very intense. Look at the obsessed collectors. Their hobbies occupy them completely. So, if enforced chastity is our hobby, how do we pursue it? I’m not sure yet. One way we might do it is to use the chastity and discipline to condition me to do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I don’t know what these things might be, but Mrs. Lion is very resourceful.
Some enforced chastity “hobbyists” end up being conditioned without either partner consciously trying to change anything. It may become impossible to get aroused without the keyholder. I can feel myself moving in that direction. One form of sex can become the only kind of sex. If a woman only wants vaginal penetration, if she is the keyholder, chances are good that is the only way she will let her male express himself sexually. After a while he will become fixated on her vagina and it will become the only way he wants to ejaculate.
These are just examples. Most keyholders don’t plot how they will change their partners, but it happens anyway. My point is that if as a keyholder, Mrs. Lion is aware that the extreme focus the cage puts on my sexual expression, I will be conditioned with or without her knowledge. So, isn’t it better to do this conditioning consciously? Maybe our chastity hobby is lion training. Or maybe it is something entirely different. I don’t want to know. That’s Mrs. Lion’s department.
Punishments and PMS
I am debating with myself whether to reschedule Lion’s orgasm to his next date rather than give him one on the 5th. It was such an intense debate on the way to work that I almost missed my exit off the highway. Evil Mrs. Lion thinks I shouldn’t have given him a bonus orgasm the other night and thinks he should have to pay for that. Nice Mrs. Lion thinks a bonus orgasm now and then never hurt anybody. I’m sure Lion agrees with Nice Mrs. Lion. But there’s a part of him that may agree with Evil Mrs. Lion. Regular Mrs. Lion thinks it’s none of his business. If I am truly in charge then I can give him an orgasm whenever I want.
To make matters even more complicated, I know I’m PMSing. I can feel it. I should have realized it yesterday when the littlest things were bothering me. Today I am avoiding talking to people because, well, because I don’t want to get fired for anything I might say. I decided last night that I will put off scheduling my own orgasm date until next week. At this point I would probably schedule it for September. I will probably just keep Lion’s orgasm date on the 5th for the same reason.
Some of you might think that Lion would love having me in my current state of volatility. He should get some very good punishment from me now. It seems like it would be very easy for him to piss me off and earn a massive spanking. Unfortunately for him, I don’t do that. I can’t see doing it out of anger or frustration. It would make me feel worse. So I think it’s best I delay any decisions and punishments until I am less frantic.
Sorry, Lion.
[Lion — Truth be told, I am still a bit sore (I somehow got a bruise/cut on my penis; probably the velcro from our play). So, unless it is much better tomorrow, I was planning on asking for an orgasm delay until it feels better. Of course, I could be just fine in the morning.]
