Male Chastity Journal

Last night was punishment night. Lion reminded me early in the day and again just before 8 pm. He had nothing on his list again. He said he knows he can’t possibly be as good as that. I will have to pay more attention. But I have been paying attention. And he hasn’t done anything that even remotely bothers me. I asked if I should punish him for not making me punish him. Of course I was being facetious. I don’t want him to deliberately misbehave. So what do I do when he’s consistently good? I don’t want to make up rules that mean nothing. Dropping ice cubes means nothing unless he drops the last of the ice cubes and I need some. I’m thinking of resorting to the nit picking things. Why doesn’t he ever wring out the sponge at the kitchen sink? I pick it up and it’s dripping wet. Yuck! Why doesn’t he ever notice that the soap in the shower is running out? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had none. And there is one big(ish) thing that he’s already aware of: why does he wind up with most of the blankets? I joke with him that he just wants me to move closer to him during the night but sometimes I am only half covered in the morning. That’s it, my pet. Three new rules.

Last night was also play night. I started out with my hand but eventually decided he needed oral stimulation. The biggest problem with this is that I am prone to going too far. And don’t think I didn’t want to last night. I can’t believe it’s only been four days (five now) since his orgasm. I really wanted to give him one. I almost did. But then I asked him if he could wait. And when he said he could I told him I didn’t know if I could. In the end I decided to wait. A while later he said he might use his coupon for an extra play session tonight. Will I be able to wait if he does? I’m not sure.

Lion did make a suggestion yesterday. Since I prefer to be able to tell him how many days he has left to wait, maybe I can tell him that he has at least X number of days left. I like the idea, but I think we need to give the mystery date a chance. I don’t want to give up on it without really trying. Maybe when we get to the end of this wait, assuming I don’t blow it by blowing him early, we can try his suggestion. I just need to exercise some self control. And maybe less oral stimulation for him. Poor Lion.

Yesterday, I wrote a post discussing what appear to be changes I have made as a result of my enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion’s post expressed concern that I am changing at all. I can understand that. After all, Mrs. Lion signed up to do all this because it makes my kinky soul happy. The idea that I am experiencing irreversible changes under her watch is a serious responsibility. The changes represent desired results in the context of enforced chastity/FLR^* doesn’t change the feelings of guilt that might result from reducing my ability to enjoy sex.

Her post got me thinking. Am I really changing? If we stopped orgasm control today, would my physical responses remain focused only on her? I don’t think so. People who have been in chastity devices for many years report being able to add or change sexual partners without difficulty. Mammals and humans, in particular, are sexually opportunistic. If a potential sexual partner is available, we get more interested in sex. If no partners are available, we lose some of our interest. You may be wondering how masturbation fits into this generalization. Many males, me in particular, find that masturbation stops feeling very good without external stimulation; physical or mental.

What I have recently discovered is that I can be mentally monogamous. I’ve been physically monogamous as long as I have been with Mrs. Lion. I haven’t even considered straying. But I have enjoyed looking at women and occasionally, some porn. Before my lockup when we were having no sex, I used some porn to turn me on for masturbation. I still like looking at pretty women and even some porn. But I don’t physically react to the porn and I can honestly say I don’t imagine having sex with the women I see. I know Mrs. Lion doesn’t mind if I am mentally aroused by other females. I’ve never felt guilty about non-physical arousal or masturbating.

Things changed since January 2014 when Mrs. Lion locked me. Obviously, I could no longer masturbate. Further, Mrs. Lion made it clear that locked or not, I was not allowed to get myself off. The chastity device was in place to assure I wouldn’t. I could still look at girls and porn. I did, of course. After about nine months when reviewing some porn to find a video for this site, I realized that I wasn’t physically responding to things that used to get me straining the bars of my cage. The tease and deny video on this site always got me a chubby. Recently, I changed the way we present it. This required me to reprocess the video. I watched it as it was converted. No chubby. I still love it, but no physical reaction.  That’s was my first hint that something changed.

I think the fact that this change just happened without my knowledge is what concerns Mrs. Lion. She never intended me to refocus all my sexual interest on her exclusively. Based on what she wrote, I think she fears that she has taken away a pleasure I never asked to lose. I’m not upset at this development. After all, isn’t this the way I’m supposed to be?

When I wrote that another woman couldn’t get me off, I think I was exaggerating. If Mrs. Lion did offer a pinch hitter, I am positive she would have no trouble making me hard and if she wanted, orgasm. I don’t think I will ever lose that capability. So, the cage assures no other lioness can gain access to my penis. My commitment to Mrs. Lion guarantees I’m not going to look for one. If any other lioness gets between my legs, it will be at Mrs. Lion’s request. She hasn’t shown any inclination to expand our pride. For that matter, neither have I.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about Lion’s post today. So far I feel a little guilty. I never wanted to change him. Of course I’m glad that I can still excite him, but it never bothered me when he got excited by other women. As long as he didn’t stray it was fine. I don’t think he’s ever thought about straying, even when I wasn’t paying much attention to him. The thing that keeps running through my mind is that locking him up has caused him to become some sort of eunuch.

That may be harsh. I know he’s still able to perform. But if other women don’t excite him then how long will it be until I don’t either? Is this a normal by-product of chastity? Should I find him a hooker to test his theory of a pinch hitter? Should I just shut up and be happy that he only has eyes and a hard-on for me?

Is this something that I should be happy about? I mean the whole point is that I own him and he should only get attention from me. But it freaks me out a little. And actually I’m thinking it might be a deal breaker. I’m not okay with this. I’m sure many keyholders are yelling at the computer right now. I’m crazy. Don’t I know this is exactly how things are supposed to work? What’s wrong with me?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me. I agreed to do this because it makes Lion happy. If he can’t get aroused by things that used to arouse him then I’ve changed him. I figured he’d always try to get hard in his cage. I thought that would be one of the things that reminded him who was in charge. If I’m dieting and I know I can’t have chocolate that doesn’t mean I don’t still want chocolate. I don’t ever want to get to a point where I don’t want chocolate. I don’t want Lion to get to a point where he doesn’t want sex.

Maybe it’s just a phase. Maybe I don’t need to find that hooker. Maybe I don’t need to give him a vacation from chastity until things “normalize”. Maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it is. I hope.

[Lion — I don’t think the “changes” are that extreme. There are two things at work here: First, I’m getting on in years and erection without physical stimulation are getting rare, even without the cage. Second, there is a “learning” process. If no stimulation is forthcoming if I do get an erection in my cage, then I think I am less likely to get one in the first place. I still find women exciting to see, but I don’t react physically much now. (see reason number one). Upon further thought, I am very sure any woman could get me off if she “pinch hit” for Mrs. Lion. Most important, my lioness is making me very happy by enforced chastity and FLR. She’s right. I wouldn’t stray anyway.

Yesterday was just an off day all around. Both Mrs. Lion and I were a bit out of sorts. We aren’t sick. Maybe it is just cloudy weather, or the season. Who knows? I do know that after a massive tease and deny on Tuesday night, sex is never far from the front of my mind. Being horny has a new face now that I have been locked so long. My body only tries to get hard when I am sleeping and my brain must be doing system tests. At times like this, even though I badly want sex, my penis stays dutifully soft in its steel cage. It knows that erection is futile to attempt. Part of this may be age, but most, I am sure, is a new, learned response to my continual confinement.

I realize that I have changed. I haven’t masturbated since February 2014. Even when unlocked, the inclination to play with myself isn’t there any longer. My need for release is stronger than ever. It just doesn’t seem very well connected to the object that gives me the release. Am I impotent? No, I get hard almost the instant Mrs. Lion plays with my penis. A few strokes from her and I am on my way. But when I am wild and in the shower, I can wash it all night and it remains at ease.

Of course there have been times when I find myself straining at my cage. Any time I am giving Mrs. Lion an orgasm, my penis tries to break out of its cage. Seeing sexy women elicits no reaction. Porn is more intellectually interesting. It can feed my mental arousal, but Mr. Weenie is unimpressed. I’m trying to understand what this means.

Am I now physically responsive to a much narrower range of stimuli? Is it restricted to Mrs. Lion alone? I won’t find that out since Mrs. Lion is not inclined to give anyone else a chance to do any lion petting. It would be interesting to test the theory and see if a pinch hitter could ring lion chimes. It’s just intellectually interesting to me. Am I under orgasm control involuntarily? Is that even possible?

I always thought that there was a chance that the combination of making physical arousal and release impossible without Mrs. Lion, and Mrs. Lion regularly providing arousal and release, would condition me to be unable to get aroused or come any other way, including unsupervised masturbation. It’s very unlikely that I am truly incapable of independent arousal and orgasm; at least not yet. But I know for sure that any activity that isn’t performed by Mrs. Lion will be much more difficult than it was before we started all this.

Many guys say that they want exactly this sort of conditioning. Others want to reduce the number of, or eliminate any orgasms they can have. I don’t want that to happen to me. I didn’t have the wish that my body would become incapable of release without my lioness. I have the cage for that purpose. I like the idea that the cage has a real purpose: it makes it impossible for me to get hard or come unless my lioness permits it. I suppose it is inevitable that 24/7 wearing of a chastity device will have some effects on me physically and mentally. I can’t test my theory, my commitment and my cage prevent that. But it is interesting to realize that changes are taking place that are beyond my control. Am I becoming a tame lion?