Finding Joy
Over the last few days we have had some issues with our server. I know Mrs. Lion alluded to them in her post yesterday. These problems are relationship related. I’ve been working on managing the issues. I think we have a solution and things should be stable once again. Some of the firewall changes caused our crash yesterday. That’s fixed now. Hopefully, we will return to normal once again. These issues are part of the price we pay for our independence from external server operators. I truly dislike dealing with things I don’t fully understand. But we’re back.
We’ve both been writing quite a bit about the mysterious effect that enforced chastity has had on our relationship. It’s mysterious because our marriage has been happy from the start. But as Mrs. Lion said in her post yesterday, one way we had so much peace is that we avoided discussing things we knew would hurt one of us. For me that was sexual needs and wishes. The fact is that we never resolved our differences in that area.
So, why would things be different just because of enforced chastity? That question has been on my mind for some time. For a time I thought it was because my being locked in a chastity device forced us to talk about my sexual needs. The game requires more than just lock the lion up and throw away the key. It requires teasing and delaying orgasms, doing things I won’t want at the time; all sorts of activities. In order for it to work, we had to talk. I had to tell Mrs. Lion what I wanted. But why is this different from me asking to be spanked? I think I finally figured that out.
My request to be locked up required an agreement to do something sexual over a long period of time. All the other stuff like spanking, teasing, etc. were all things that could go along with enforced chastity. So the commitment was to actually do things over a long period of time. That made me willing to discuss what I was thinking regarding enforced chastity. Since Mrs. Liion had agreed to do it, I felt more comfortable talking about things that turn me on.
Our blog opened up a comfortable line of communication for Mrs. Lion. She was able to communicate the good and bad feelings that went along with enforced chastity. Inevitably this included her feelings regarding my inability to initiate. We were able to work through them over time. Once I was able to give orgasms to Mrs. Lion, she realized that she let me do this because I enjoyed getting her off. She enjoyed the release but said she really wasn’t all that turned on. She attributes this to lack of libido. Part of me thinks it is because I am not sexually attractive to her.
These are much more recent conversations. The point is that we are having them, both here and in conversation. The decision to pursue enforced chastity has opened up this channel of communication. The chastity device is a catalyst that facilitates a much deeper, potentially more painful set of topics for us to discuss. This in turn has made us both much happier. We are learning that we can talk about difficult topics without worrying about hurting each other.
I think that this is why we are so committed to enforced chastity. It provides us with a way to learn how to communicate about things we deeply feel; things that might make one of us feel badly. Maybe the power exchange has made it easier for both of us to relate more as equal partners and worry less about the effects of potential hurts. As Mrs. Lion continues to grow stronger and fit into her role, I expect that we will become even better communicators. Anyway, that’s what I think is in it, not only for my lioness, but for both of us.
What’s In It For Me?
If you tried to connect with us earlier, we had our own May Day with the blog. Lion was trying to do something and blew it up for a while. He did explain it to me, but I usually just nod my head when he starts talking computerese. I like playing games with technology but I barely know how to turn on the tv with the complicated remote we have. Anyway, Lion worked his magic and now the blog is up an running once again.
I’ve been thinking about Lion’s post. What’s in this for me? Obviously I love making Lion happy. And although the sex was missing, we never really grew apart. We still held hands and snuggled. But I think what I get out of this is the closeness. We talk more. Not that we stopped talking, but we didn’t talk about sex and wants. I think we didn’t want to make each other feel bad. If Lion said he wanted to be tied down he thought I’d feel bad because I wasn’t doing the things he wanted. If I said I miss my kids I thought he’d feel bad because we can’t afford a trip to see them. So neither of us said anything.
I’m not saying it’s been a miracle right from the beginning. I’ve done a lot of bumping around in the dark. From time to time it gets very messy. Feelings have been hurt. But we talk now. If things are going off the rails, I am more likely to stop, back up and try it again. I never would have done that before. I would have just left it alone and gotten quiet. Lion would have either thought I agreed with him or that I was mad at him. And that’s not fair to either of us.
It’s so difficult to put it into words. In some ways I got the love of my life back even though he was always right there with me. In some ways chastity woke us both up. We’re not just going through the motions anymore. We never technically had a honeymoon. Maybe we’re having one now.
It Makes Me Happy (Mostly)
Wednesday night, as Mrs. Lion wrote, I got orgasms two days in a row. I have to admit I wasn’t in the mood when she started to play with me, but as usual, she easily got me very interested. Still, two days in a row is a bit of a stretch for me. It was, of course, big fun for me. Mrs. Lion brought up some interesting points. She mentioned that for the most part she feels that she is playing “catch up” with my ideas and requests. She defends her decision to take so much input from me by saying that I, after all, asked for this. She also said that she thinks it makes sense to start from my wishes.
I don’t consider this topping from the bottom at all. Since my lioness had no real frame of reference for enforced chastity or FLM, she needed someplace to start. As I have learned, just because she begins with my suggestion doesn’t mean it will stay that way for long. She is very good at putting her own spin on things. I’m sure that before long, it will be hard to recognize my original requests.
She is acutely aware of a key point that most guys who ask to be locked up forget: she is doing it because I believe it will make me happy if she does. I realize that one of the key concepts behind power exchange is that the person holding the whip. so to speak, is using the bottom for his/her own pleasure. Even in BDSM this is mostly fiction. Mrs. Lion is going to considerable trouble to be my keyholder. I would be very surprised if her lion taming activities bring her much direct pleasure. Her joy, if there is any, comes from satisfying a deep need of mine. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fun for her, or even provide real benefits, but by and large this is all for my benefit.
Over the months she has said that for reasons unclear to her, our enforced chastity activities, particularly my chastity device, have provided real benefits for both of us in terms of increased intimacy and an active-if-one-sided sex life. I think a good deal of my increased pleasure comes from my ability to let Mrs. Lion know what I might like or dislike. Ok, you could argue that I could have done this before. I did, to a much smaller extent. The problem was that my requests didn’t have any particular context. For example, I told her that I like to be tied up and spanked. She did this for a while, but it felt very one sided to her and just made her withdraw.
So why is it different now? I wonder about that myself. The activity is still one-sided. Mrs. Lion’s libido is still not active. But somehow it is different, very different. I can’t say that I am doing any more or less around the house. We’ve always shared the work. I am cooking more. But that’s because I am home while out of work. My current thought is that because we made an agreement and have been freely communicating about what it means and how it is working, there is a measure of emotional satisfaction for Mrs. Lion. I don’t know if that is true.
All I can come up with is that because we have seriously increased our communication and provide feedback to one another, the expanded openness is providing satisfaction all on its own. This blog has provided daily feedback and course corrections to us both. There is no sexual ambiguity anymore. We both know our roles and over the last 15 months have gotten a certain level of comfort with them. It’s easy for me to list all of the fun-and-sometimes-painful things that I find so satisfying. It’s much more difficult to understand what’s in it for Mrs. Lion. I am confident that over time we will figure it out.
Together
Lion was not very horny last night. Too bad. We agreed to play every night. I’d decided I was only going to edge him once since he just had an orgasm. Then I was going to lock him back up until tonight. I’m not sure that my plan included an added edging for each night of his wait. That could be a bit much over time. However, I was working toward that one edging last night and he was working so hard to get to the edge that I decided to reward his efforts with another orgasm. He asked why. I told him it was because I wanted to. No other reason is needed. I felt like it. He was happy with this extra orgasm, but said he didn’t think he could have another one tonight. Really? Is that a challenge? I said it was a “spurt” of the moment decision and he wouldn’t be having another one tonight.
I’m sure many of our readers think I’m too nice to Lion. I give him too many orgasms. I should be denying him for longer periods of time. He should be doing more things for me. He has too much input into things. I should be punishing him for every little thing that happens. Just as there’s no one right way to raise a child, there’s no right way to raise a Lion. I may be stumbling along here trying to figure things out, but I need to do that so I learn.
Lion and I decided that extremely long waits aren’t that important to us. He already does more than enough for me. I ask for his input so I know what he’s thinking. He wants to be punished more and I am working to accommodate him. Why would I worry about accommodating him? This is all his idea. I need to know what he’s looking for so I can have some hope of doing it. Once I know then I can put my own twist on it so he gets what he wants but not exactly. He wants to feel my power? Here’s some nail polish for those bland Lion toes. Not exactly what he had in mind, but he can’t argue. How about a diaper? Poor Lion.
Every time he comes up with a new idea I have to decide if we (I) can implement it. And he constantly comes up with new ideas. Some are general suggestions and some are things he really wants to try. There’s never a dull moment in the Lion’s den. That’s both good and bad. We don’t want to go back to boring. But we (I) don’t want to be under perpetual change. I’d like to have my feet on solid ground for a while. Lion is more adventurous. Together we make a pretty good team. Together we figure things out.
