Male Chastity Journal

In 2009 we saw “Julie and Julia” a movie about a woman who decided to cook every recipe in the Julia Child cooking bible, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. She also decided to create a blog chronicling her adventures. The movie interwove the story of Julia Child’s life with Jules cooking adventures. I loved the movie. But what struck me the most was that Julie’s blog became a daily habit for her readers. They were following along and commenting on what she was doing. They were part of her life beyond the kitchen. I really like that idea. That film was my inspiration for this blog. I am extremely happy that many of our readers, like you, share our adventures every day.

Another goal of mine was to provide a woman-friendly blog that portrays our particular kinks in a way that isn’t simply porn. I believe that enforced male chastity and FLM provide some unique opportunities to enhance relationships by moving unspoken needs to the forefront of the relationship. That’s certainly been the case in our house. Ironically, creating and continuing this blog has had as much value for us as enforced chastity. We communicate with each other through the blog as much as we also share with you. The fact that both of us write daily keeps things honest. Countless misunderstandings have been nipped in the bud thanks to the back and forth here.

It may be our own failings, but Mrs. Lion and I did not have meaningful conversations about our sexual needs very often before we began enforced chastity and this blog. We were both reluctant to share any more than the most basic stuff. As a result, we rarely had any sexual contact. We never provided meaningful feedback to one another. I’m not sure why. As you can tell, I’m not exactly shy about expressing myself. But with her, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to make her feel badly. I didn’t want to risk my relationship by demanding things she clearly doesn’t like. I was avoiding an imaginary conflict.

If you go back to our earliest posts, Mrs. Lion was unhappy that I didn’t initiate sex. She wrote that she was angry about that (not in those exact words) and decided she wasn’t going to initiate if I didn’t. Enforced chastity changed that in some respects. She informed me that if I wanted release, I needed to initiate pleasing her. I still didn’t. I wish I understand that part of me, but I still couldn’t do it. Then, we came up with the idea that on certain nights, I was expected to get things going for her. That worked. I was able to begin pleasing her without prompting. But I was just “going for the gold” and Mrs. Lion wrote that she needed more buildup. See, the blog was working! So, I added lots of kissing and fondling and general non-genital foreplay. She liked that a lot. But then she said that it was too much. She came, but really didn’t want to. She just wasn’t turned on that much.

This is when she began writing about her lack of libido. As usual, she blamed herself for making things less fun for me. She just doesn’t want sex for herself. This lack of desire for orgasm changes the enforced chastity fantasy a lot. Getting her off was removed from the table. All that is left has to do with me, my arousal and orgasms. This is not easy for me to accept. I really love giving my lioness orgasms.

Mrs. Lion, don’t take this to mean you should let me do it just to make me happy. I don’t want that.

I keep wondering if I’m just not sexually attractive to her. She says I am, but she just isn’t interested in sex. I’ve learned to accept that. I don’t like it, but I understand. When I get back to work and we have some free cash, I’m hoping Mrs. Lion will go for hormonal testing to rule out any physical issues where lack of libido is a symptom. Maybe we will find a way to do it sooner. I think it is a priority. She doesn’t. As usual, she puts me first. In the meantime I will be as much of a nag as I can be without getting punished.

In the meantime, Mrs. Lion has become an excellent keyholder. She is very effective at keeping me horny and unsatisfied. When I whine a bit, she reminds me that this is what I want. Right? I have to agree even though I want to growl. I love the fifteen minutes or so a day when she teases me. I get to be hard and feel that intense sexual buildup. She assures me that it will be “a matter of days” before I can come. I pointed out that 2050 is a matter of days away. She smiled and said, “I know.”

So here we are nearly 800 posts later. We have readers like you who follow our adventures. About one third of our readers come back every day to read our posts. The others come in via Google and other website links looking for specific information. According to our web stats, many of you also follow links from here to other blogs. I think that’s great. We have a community of sorts where you can read about others who are living with enforced chastity and FLM. Our blog has become more popular and I am delighted with that.

I am happiest with how our blog has helped my lioness and I provide feedback to one another. The commitment to daily posts keeps us talking about things. The ability to thoughtfully craft our posts has allowed us to talk about things it would be difficult to discuss face to face. You have commented about things we write and have offered us new insights that have also helped us grow. Like in the film “Julie and Julia,” our blog has taken on a life of its own. It’s a very good life that has helped us have a better sex life. Hopefully we have been of some value to you too. Thank you.

For some reason, last night I wondered how many women there are in chastity. They must be out there. And I wondered how many of them initiated it. Most of the men I’ve read about who are caged were the ones to ask for it. I think it stands to reason that some women might have as well. But a dominant male is probably the initiator in most cases. I wonder why that is.

So this morning I did a quick search online. I found a lot of sites selling chastity devices for women, a forum for women in chastity, some Youtube videos, and a few blogs. Not as many results as I imagined I would find. But in my search I found something even more amazing to me: his and hers chastity. What? If you’re both locked up who is in charge? How does this work?

First of all, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable a female chastity device must be. I can’t imagine being locked in anything 24/7. Most days I’m out of my bra the second I hit the bedroom. I’m sure there are some models that are more comfortable than others. It’s just not my cup of tea. If Lion had suggested it I definitely would have said no.

But back to my initial question: who is in charge? Would I be in charge of when Lion gets to be unlocked and he’d be in charge of when I’d get to be unlocked? What if he decided that he wanted to penetrate me, but I decided it wasn’t his night for being unlocked? It seems to me it would be a very confusing relationship. Of course, just because I can’t get my head wrapped around it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work.

I guess it would give a couple something else to do together. Who knows the pitfalls and high points of chastity quite like another person in chastity? It would definitely be a common bond. On the other hand I can see it driving a wedge between a couple. I haven’t been unlocked for two weeks, what makes you think I’m unlocking you again?

It certainly adds a different twist to things.

Yesterday I wrote about sex without orgasm. I am being edged every night and the effect is profound. I love the activity in a masochistic way. Each time my lioness begins, I figure this is it. Then it isn’t. I breathe in loud pants and groan internally. I’ve heard that continued teasing this way will result in edging being my expected norm for sex. Orgasm will no longer be the goal. Statistically, this actually makes sense. I am edged at least 25 times for each full orgasm I experience. So, I am being conditioned to expect getting hard and massively aroused as the extent of sex for me. I think a lot of women are conditioned that way too. Since many women have difficulty achieving orgasm, arousal is their norm. They say they like it and appear happy for the experience.

I’m starting to understand that feeling. Males are conditioned from the first time they play with their little weenies that arousal always leads to orgasm. Until we began enforced chastity, that was the case for me. But now, aside from keeping me very interested in sexual attention, repeated edging us training me to accept arousal without orgasm as a satisfying sexual experience. I am slowly learning that orgasm for me is a rare treat and not at all necessary for me to have a rich sex life. Sound familiar? It does to me. I’ve heard and read countless women say that about sex. “Orgasm isn’t necessary. I just love how it feels to be close to you.” Now I hear myself saying similar words.

The battle for sexual equality in the bedroom was particularly strong in the late 60’s and 70’s. Women called for equal orgasms with men. It was no longer acceptable for a man to penetrate, ejaculate, and roll over and go to sleep. She needed hers too. Since then, we males understand that our women need orgasms, not just arousal. We make sure they get them when they want them. Those of us in enforced male chastity are experiencing a sexual role reversal. Now we are learning to accept non-orgasmic sex as our norm; just like women in the 50’s.

It isn’t as though we are being dragged kicking and screaming into this non-orgasmic desert. We beg for it. Actually it is a bit different than the 50’s female experience. Many women then never experienced an orgasm. They believed that sex was just arousal without a grand finale. They heard about orgasms, but believed such things were myths. Thanks to Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, women learned that they were supposed to have orgasms just like men. It’s supreme irony that we are learning that we don’t get orgasms just because we have sex. We only get them when our partners think we should have them.

My male mind always believed that no sex was the same as no orgasms. I never had the frustrating “cock tease” experiences many teenage boys experience. I went to an all boys school and didn’t start to date until I was in college. The only sex I knew was masturbation, so dating wasn’t particularly frustrating. Once I lost my virginity, my attitude toward sex and orgasm was the same as other males.

Here I am much later in life learning that I can have exciting sex without ejaculating. From what I have been reading, I could end up not wanting that final squirt. I doubt that, but we’ll see. One of the interesting comments  yesterday mirrored my feelings. Paul wrote:

“I have been thinking lately about why I prefer not to be released! I celebrated my birthday last weekend and I had been locked for about three months with no release.
My wife unlocked me and I had a shower. We then had sex where as usual I satisfied her first and then was allowed to have intercourse with her. Being so long since my last orgasm it was over almost instantly I entered her!
We both fell into a blissful sleep which was lovely but the next day I felt deflated!
She knows this and so it will probably be sometime before I receive another release but I now feel I prefer not being released!“

I still can’t internalize that. It makes sense on one level, but my primal need remains. It seems that Paul and others who feel this way have learned to value the buildup much more than the finale. At this point I don’t want that to happen to me. I can see that I am making some of the changes that Paul and others have made. Knowing full well that I won’t get an orgasm, I still look forward to Mrs. Lion’s hands as much as I used to look forward to that opportunity to ejaculate. For me, at least, it’s not that I don’t want or am indifferent to the orgasm. It’s just that after the edging is done I don’t feel cheated. I feel that I have had a very good sexual experience that brings me closer to my lioness.

If, for example, tonight she said that she would be teasing me every day for another week but would not let me come, I would be a little disappointed but would truly look forward to the daily teasing. Six months ago I would pout and feel hurt that I had to wait so much longer. I think this is why I used to be grumpy on my sixth day of waiting and I don’t anymore. As long as she unlocks me and plays with my penis I am happy with the attention.

Having said that, a little voice inside me is saying, “Wait! You really need to come.” It’s true. I do. Like Paul, I have no bad side effects after I ejaculate. In fact, just like him, I am ready the next day with nearly as much arousal as I was after a long wait. So there is no penalty for coming. Do I want to wait longer? No, I don’t. Can I? Yes, without a doubt. Do I want to see how long I can go without coming? Nope. Well what do I want? I think I want to be told it will be “at least x days until you have a chance to come,” or “This could be the night,” and it isn’t.

I hate to admit it, but I like the tease. I am getting to like thinking that this time she is going to keep going and I will get to come. I can just tell. She is speeding up! Yes, yes just a few more strokes! She did say this could be it. Oh no! She stopped.