Thoughts on the Blog
Two and a half years. That’s how long Lion has been locked in his chastity device. I don’t always pay attention to the numbers on the right side of the screen that tell how long ago Lion had his orgasm and how long he has to wait for another one. It caught my eye this morning. Two years and six months locked up. Of course it hasn’t been non-stop. But still. That’s a long time.
So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. He’s had a few jobs in that time. I’ve had one. We’ve lived in the same house. We’ve traveled to many different places in our camper. We’ve done “just” enforced chastity. We added female led relationship. I was in charge. Then I was really in charge. The biggest thing that’s stayed the same is that we love each other. I don’t think any of this would have been possible if we didn’t.
Enforced chastity wasn’t some hail Mary pass to save our marriage. We weren’t in any danger of splitting up. But we had certainly backed off in the sex department. It’s true, we could have sat down and talked about sex and what our challenges were, but I don’t think either of us wanted to be that vulnerable. I think it would have led to hurt feelings. What do you mean, I always do that? What do you mean, I never do that? Somehow, the cage and this blog have been very therapeutic.
I’ve always found it easier to express my feelings by writing rather than face to face. First, I think, there’s no one staring at you and you can’t see the look on their face. If they laugh at you or think you’re crazy, you are insulated by the fact that you are not right in front of them when they read it. Second, they can’t interrupt. You have your time to get it all out there without someone saying, “Yes, but, what about blah, blah, and blah?” Or worse yet, “This is ridiculous!”
Now I’m not saying either of us would do that to the other intentionally. I tend to try to take it all in before I form an opinion. I think that bothers Lion because I don’t have an immediate response to things. Lion, on the other hand, tends to be a steamroller. He has an opinion almost immediately and if he thinks he’s right, he’s coming right up the middle so watch out. Part of the reason for the rule about interrupting is to try to curb that. And I’m also not saying these traits are good or bad or only apply to sexual issues. It’s just the way we are.
The blog allows me to get my thoughts out without interruption. It also allows me to digest Lion’s thoughts so I can form an opinion. I am grateful to Lion for starting this blog. It has helped us tremendously. I hope it has helped you as well.
Life Goes On
Yesterday, I had the final interview for the job I have been working to get for over two months. Now, more waiting. I hope that this time there won’t be too much delay before I learn my fate. I don’t deal well with uncertainty. I realize that’s an odd thing for me to say. Alas, it’s true. That trait makes my surrender more difficult. Fortunately, Mrs. Lion knows this about me and manages to keep my stress level down to a manageable point. That doesn’t mean she avoids “surprising” me. But her surprises don’t affect our ability to survive. I crave stability; at least for a while.
You didn’t come here to listen to me whine about unemployment. It’s hard for me to turn my mind to anything else. Thursday night Mrs. Lion gave me an unexpected orgasm. I figured it was at least, partly to help me be more relaxed for the interview yesterday. She used the sure-fire Magic Wand. As they say, it couldn’t hurt.
When things get tough, Mrs. Lion and I become more of a team. The FLR division blurs a little. We work very well together. So, the fun, FLR stuff goes a bit into the background. That’s not to say I am free to break rules. I’m not. I am also firmly locked into the chastity device. But our conversations barely reference our power exchange. Mundane topics take over. As I wrote yesterday, one of the risks we face is the gradual fade out of FLR. I don’t think we are in danger of that now. Mrs. Lion is being more understanding of my tender emotional state. She allows me a few small growls now and then. Any more and I will be in trouble.
Maybe the proof that a relationship has successfully assimilated FLR and enforced chastity comes when life takes a turn for the worse. Can the power exchange adapt without breaking? Does the chastity device remain in place when practical? Do both of you look for ways to keep these things alive when it become more and more difficult to do it? We do. I think our prospects are very good that we are in this for life.
Enjoy the Ride
I was accused last night of not being supportive and/or excited enough about Lion’s job prospect. When Lion said he hoped he’d get this job I said, “Me too.” Apparently saying it while exhaling as if it would be a relief if he got the job wasn’t enough enthusiasm. Never mind the fact that I’ve been saying it almost the same way for weeks or that I told him the other night I want him to get this job because I think he’ll have fun with it. I forgot Lion likes fanfare.
I also forgot last night was punishment night. I know I don’t need a specific night to punish him. I can do it any time. When he reminded me yesterday I said I thought there was something on his list. Maybe he forgot to thank me for swatting him while we were gone. He said he didn’t think there was anything outstanding. I told him a few swats couldn’t hurt (me). It’s true. The only way they’d hurt me is if I used my bare hand. I have had a numb hand after whomping him. That’s when I tell him it hurts me more than it hurts him.
A few weeks ago, I said I thought we should have a paddle hanging in the camper, much like we have a paddle hanging on the refrigerator at home. Lion tried to surprise me with a camper warming present before we left, but the delivery got messed up. While we were gone, a new paddle arrived. It looks very similar to the paddle on the fridge. I was thinking of putting some lettering on it. Something to the effect of “The Enforcer”. We don’t generally have anyone in the camper so no one else would likely see it, but I thought it would send Lion a message when he sees it.
Last night after dinner, Lion said something that I heard as “I’m frisky.” I don’t know what he actually said but he agreed that he was frisky. I decided the Magic Wand and I could help with that. Over the course of helping, I decided I wanted Lion to be as relaxed as possible for his last interview today. He was going to get another orgasm. Not that he was really tense sexually. It’s only been a few days since his last orgasm. I just wanted to do something nice for him and make him happy. Afterwards he said he just can’t figure me out. Why am I giving him so many orgasms lately? I don’t think I really want him to figure me out. I always want him to wonder what I’ll do next. Is this the night he’ll get an orgasm? Will he have to wait a week? Two weeks? That’s for me to decide. I can give him as many or as few orgasms as I want. He just needs to sit back and enjoy the ride.
We Need A Community
My job hunt may be nearing the end. The job I had initially interviewed for in late May with six more in early June, went silent until yesterday. I was informed that I need one more interview with an executive vice president. That means the hiring manager and the others who interviewed me agree I should get the job. Today I have a half hour scheduled for the final step. I certainly hope that this one will go as well as the last seven. It will be a big relief for both of us if things work out. Unlike my last few jobs, this is full time and permanent. For the last three years I did work on contracts that covered specific projects. There’s nothing wrong with that except I have to hunt for work at the end of each. Since job hunting has been so painful for me, I am cautiously optimistic about this opportunity. I don’t want to count these chickens before they hatch.
There is a lot of stress for both of us caused by my being out of work. While we have been consistently following enforced chastity and our brand of a female led relationship, I can’t claim that we have been as active since my last contract ended; or have we? One of the interesting side effects of a successful FLR is that it fades into the background. It becomes so ingrained in everyday life that it stops being noteworthy.
I think this explains why it is sometimes hard to come up with posts and why others who write about FLR and enforced chastity sometimes write less frequently. The exotic becomes mundane. When that starts happening, one option is to up the ante: Get a new chastity device. Find ways to make it more secure. Create new, more restrictive domestic rules. You get the idea.
In the beginning, this can work. Mrs. Lion and I have been going very slowly so we have options in terms of growth of our FLR. Enforced chastity is working for us. There isn’t anything we can do to improve it. Unlike some, neither of us considers longer and longer waits between orgasms to represent a path we want to follow. Fortunately, the benefits we get from enforced chastity remain and don’t depend on us doing anything more than our current activities. It seems to me that keeping enforced chastity and FLR alive by ever-increasing restrictions is eventually going to fail. You can only go so far before things are crushed under their own weight.
In some communities where practices like domestic discipline are the norm, there is no expectation that practitioners keep increasing restrictions or make discipline harsher. The authority model, usually male dominant, are the norm. Positive feedback is provided by notice of the “good behavior” of the disciplined wives. Both the dominant and his submissive wife feel pride when community members give positive feedback. That doesn’t happen with us.
We don’t have a community that approves and recognizes our enforced chastity and FLR. There are no external motivators to help us persist. All feedback and approval has to come from inside the relationship. Theoretically, there could be a community of people practicing FLR who could provide the support and feedback needed. Unfortunately, there are very few of us doing this. There may be many thousands, but we are geographically distributed over multiple continents.
I had a hope that an online community could be created that would allow us to openly communicate with like-minded people. While it’s possible to do this in theory, in reality any attempt is quickly overwhelmed by guys who want to use the community for masturbatory fantasies. Every enforced chastity / FLR forum is virtually useless as a meeting place for people who actually practice these things.
It’s not that there is anything wrong with fantasies about enforced chastity and FLR. It’s just that the needs of real-life practitioners are very different from the guys who get aroused reading and chatting about it. If there were enough people living nearby, it would be pretty simple to start building this community. The fantasy folks would be easy to weed out. Online, that has never worked out. In fact, even bloggers like us who obviously practice FLR and enforced chastity, have little contact with each other.
The reason for this, I think, is that all we ever know about one another relates to a very limited set of activities. You just can’t build a community around FLR or enforced chastity. Communities are three-dimensional groups of people with many shared values. For example, the religious communities that practice domestic discipline don’t put the discipline in the center of their interests. It is only a small part that is subsumed by the religious beliefs of the community members.
So, Mrs. Lion and I are a community of two. FLR and enforced chastity represent a very small part of our relationship. Unfortunately, since these things are not part of any family traditions, our practices are not integral parts of our belief system. That means we have to keep them alive ourselves. So far we have been able to do this.
