Punishment (Page 172)

Rainy Mondays generally sour my outlook on life. The combination of the gloom and chilly rain conspire to sap me of my usual optimistic view of the world. For someone living in the Pacific Northwest this is an odd malady. I’m doomed to nine months of murky clouds and rain every year. I think it is worst after a bright, warm summer ends and the first dank weather is the harbinger of the long season of darkness.

This change affects my feelings about enforced chastity, FLM, and domestic discipline. Yesterday I was thinking about this and was all too ready to say it was just “Be careful what you wish for” or, buyer’s remorse. That makes little sense as I approach two years of lockup. It does highlight the cold reality that at some point in a power exchange remorse can set in.

Is it that I am tired of the inconvenience of wearing a cage? Am I unhappy with the loss of control? The answer to both of these questions is no. Well, I do get bothered a bit by the cage, but I like that it is there. I’ve never been happier with Mrs. Lion’s assumption of control than I am now. So, no, it’s not time to quit. But wait. I can’t quit. I gave up that control too. Is that what’s bothering me? No, that’s not it. Why would I care if I can quit or not if I don’t want to?

There’s one more possibility related to my kinks: Am I dissatisfied with the degree of control that Mrs. Lion is exerting? Is it too much? No, definitely not. Too little? Maybe sometimes. That’s tricky. If I complain that I’m not being treated strictly enough, then Mrs. Lion wonders what she is doing wrong. But I’m not complaining about that at all. I have no idea how it feels to be more strictly controlled. My fantasies are all I have in that area and I am well aware how unreliable they are as predictors of how it would be to do something in real life.

My fantasies may have started this, but they have long stopped describing how my lioness and I are proceeding. We are feeling our way through virgin territory. Yesterday she wrote that I would be spanked “just because”. Of course that is a perfectly good reason. She is, after all, in full charge. Then she wrote something very interesting. She explained this “just because” spanking by saying that I had been acting like a toddler on several occasions, but she didn’t bother to note them. That statement, I think, opens a new way of thinking for my lioness. She is not obligated to record my infractions. There don’t actually need to be any infractions at all. She can simply decide that I need punishment. I don’t’ like the spanking but I like the acceptance of her power.

FLM and domestic discipline are not about justice. They are about control. Obviously, if punishments are always arbitrary, I will become confused about what I should do to avoid them. But that’s not what is happening here. I have been informed that I have been naughty. There is no statute of limitations on lion misbehavior. Mrs. Lion chose to remember and act on valid misdeeds. She informed me what I need to do to avoid future beatings.

The weather may stink and my bottom may burn, and I may be missing the sun, but my relationship with Mrs. Lion is better than ever. Our power exchange is moving in the right direction and we both seem to be accepting the changes we need to make. What more could I ask? Maybe Fall isn’t so bad after all.

Mrs. Lion often says I’m a toddler. In fact, at her work one day the women were talking about their families and Mrs. Lion said she had a toddler at home. Her coworkers were surprised. They said that they didn’t know she had any young children. She said she was married to her toddler. I guess there are times I can be a big cub. I should be happy she can see my failings with some humor. I admit that the idea does rankle a bit. On the other hand, her description may be far more accurate than even she imagined.

One of the big issues with lifestyle power exchange is developing an acceptable way to think about the roles. There is no real context for a grown man, me, surrendering control to my wife. How is that surrender expressed, how does she wield her power? Some of that is explicitly described in our agreements. When I ask her about her role, she normally says, “I’m doing what you want.”

Well, yes she is. I can’t deny that. Even so, the role she plays has apparently evolved in her mind. Referring to me as a toddler implies that she, in her role as my authority figure, has to correct her naughty cub. This doesn’t mean we are playing some sort of baby/mommy game. We aren’t. But her level of control does resemble a maternal role. I suspect that some women when they realize that this is the model most enforced chastity and domestic discipline seems to follow, find themselves disturbed by the idea that they are married to their child. Of course this isn’t true, but it can feel that way. It’s very easy for the male to slip into a childlike role. This, of course, reinforces the mommy/child model. Some women may find this role very familiar. When I showed Mrs. Lion this post, she made this comment:

“I think a lot of women see their spouses as toddlers even if they aren’t in FLM. At least that’s been my experience over the years. Guys are a lot of work and sometimes it’s just easier to think of them as one of the kids.”

My relationship with Mrs. Lion has a strong relationship to one of a parent with a child. I must ask permission to do many things; not too many at the moment, but that will probably increase (I hope). She is teaching me good manners like not eating before her. And, when I get grumbly, I get spanked. Now, she half-jokingly refers to me as her toddler.

That sounds like a maternal relationship. I see it as a very good model for the sort of authority I have asked her to take. There is no adult model either of us has experienced that would include the level of control I want and the physical punishment I earn. If you take the mother/toddler relationship as a model, then after appropriately scaling up expectations and the level of pain inflicted, you come very close to the kind of FLM with domestic discipline we are developing.

Mrs. Lion works hard to become the strict, maternal figure that seems to fit what we have decided to do. Other models like the BDSM mistress make no sense in the context of our lives. In that model, I would be objectified, trusted with nothing and would essentially be my mistress’ play toy. In our relationship, I am expected to be responsible, perform my duties as a husband, and in general, act as an adult who pulls his share of the management of the marriage. That would never fit the mistress model. But oddly, it fits the maternal model with no problem.

In the maternal model, I get responsibilities as I can handle them. How I perform is judged by Mrs. Lion and I can be corrected in the usual way. I can be spanked or otherwise punished if I don’t manage the bills properly, remember the shopping, or fail to do something I should. So far, punishment has been restricted to the more trivial behavioral rules, but it is absolutely no stretch to apply it to anything else I do that she sees as a failed expectation. If I act like a toddler, then I will be treated as one. Right, Mrs. Lion? Corrections are administered strictly but with love. Rewards are given for good behavior or working extra hard.

As Mrs. Lion has said, she wants to be stricter and swiftly correct me as necessary. She has also said that she wants to be more observant and provide more rewards as well as punishments. She wants me to improve and most of all be happy. What role do you know that fits all that? I can only think of one. And, yes, it’s all because I asked her to be this way. No, I don’t plan to call her mommy.

Monday night was an exceptional night for lion sex. I not only got to have an orgasm, Mrs. Lion rode me all the way. I love that! She seems to prefer using lube when masturbating me. This is new and I am really enjoying the change. The only thing that could be better would be Mrs. Lion also enjoying an orgasm too. I remain hopeful that her libido will return.

Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday talked about how she copes with my kinky needs. She thought I would be upset that she assumes the dominant role without getting aroused when she does. I’m not. When I was topping I can’t say that the various ways I tortured bottoms turned me on. I took pride in the skills I developed using various toys. I liked that I could edge my (female) partners endlessly. A woman can be held on the edge of orgasm for a very long time. I liked the results of my training and conditioning. But I can’t say that I was turned on.

I never needed an alter ego. I think it is because I knew from the start that I was doing exactly what my bottoms wanted. They may not like what I did, but they wanted and needed it. How do I know? They told me. It was all completely consensual. Of course, “consensual” is a tricky word in the context of sensation play. During a session is not a good time to check in to see if the bottom still wants what she is getting. That’s why there are safe words. Maybe Mrs. Lion would feel better if we have a safe word.

I think many people misunderstand the full extent of consensual kink. In the classic two-hour scene, consent is granted to the top to provide sensation within the hard limits of the bottom. For safety, a safe word is provided and is always respected. It could be argued that FLM, domestic discipline, and enforced chastity go far beyond “scenes” and the normal rules of consensual play don’t apply. I disagree.

There is clear and continuing consent for Mrs. Lion to punish me, make and enforce rules, and prevent me from having orgasms. We have agreed this consent goes to March 2016 at which time it can be revoked or renewed. I’ve let her know (and you as well) that I want her to be strict and to seriously punish me when needed. She has my consent to withhold any sexual activity for as long as she wants. This consent is irrevocable until next March. That is by my request.

One thing we don’t have is a safe word. Up until now it hasn’t been needed. Mrs. Lion hasn’t pushed me hard enough to make one necessary. If she is going to continue to escalate spankings and other physical punishments, then we should have one. I’ll have to think about what would work. The problem with safe words is that they are too easy to forget if needed. I’ll have to ponder that. Maybe having a safe word will make it easier for Mrs. Lion to push harder.

Some people argue that safe words shouldn’t apply to punishment. The reasoning is that punishment is supposed to hurt and hurt a lot. In a normal scene, punishment-level spanking, for example, would almost certainly provoke the safe word to be called. So, I have to remember that my safe word is not to be used because the punishment is too intense. It is only to be used if it is an emergency. I think it is a good idea to have one. Maybe it will help Mrs. Lion feel better about being strict.