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In: Advice for a new keyholder, diapers, Femdom, Lion's Journal

While the Internet and the Web have made it possible to find people who share your interests, it has also imposed a kind of crowd-sourced set of labels to people that force them in to social molds that make no sense. My biggest pet peeve are the “dom” and “sub” labels. Forced male chastity is a victim of this tyranny of labels. Since the web folks love labels, anyone who has power over someone and demonstrates it is “dom”, and anyone who accepts this control is “sub”.

In the real world, this just isn’t the case. Before the Internet and its idiotic labels, people in the leather community (folks who practiced power exchange and socialized with others who share this interest) did not identify this way at all. I am part of it. We recognize that all this play involves “roles”. That is, for a time or with a given partner, we are “tops” or “bottoms”. A top has the power and the bottom surrenders it to the top. This doesn’t imply that either the top or bottom is always in control in everything. It means that in the context of an agreed-to circumstance or period of time, like an evening, the people will take their particular roles.

This much more reasonable view is a better way to think about forced male chastity. As a caged male, when I surrendered the key to my lioness I didn’t relinquish all control of my life. As my keyholder she didn’t agree to dominate me and make every decision in our relationship. What a burden that would be for her! All we agreed to was that she would have sexual control over me. She would decide if and when my penis would get to stretch out and perhaps, ejaculate. I also asked if she would consider making some rules that I could follow. These rules didn’t have to center on my penis. She agreed to try. She made one that is a doozy; I spend every weekend in diapers. Fair enough! I asked and she granted my wish.

The limits of her topping are negotiated. She has to be willing to take the role in the requested context. As a bottom, I also have the right to negotiate the limits of her powers as my top.  We both expect that this will change over time. She knows I get turned on by punishments for infractions. This is hard for her. She knows a spanking hurts and I am not sexually aroused while she inflicts it. What she may not know is that even though I hate it at the time, it feeds a deep-seated need inside me. The same is true of rules. I know that when she learned I didn’t like peeing in a diaper all weekend,  her resolved seemed to soften. But I don’t want to like it. I want to feel her power. If diapers are one of her choices to demonstrate her control, then wearing them gives me a deep satisfaction.

As I mentioned in my last post, it can be a good idea to put a “price” on orgasms. Last night I had a delightful orgasm. While she was playing with me she informed me that if I come, I will have to eat my semen. Yuck! But, you know what? Deep down I was very happy. My lioness was showing her sexual control. I came and I had a little yucky snack. It didn’t taste good, but it felt wonderful. I think this is the hardest thing for a new top to understand: while I hate what she is doing, sometimes enough to try to get away, another more important part of me loves it. She is doing me a great kindness. The more I hate it and even protest, and the more she steadfastly sticks with her resolve, the more deep down satisfaction I get. It’s a paradox that is way too subtle for the Internet labels of “dom” and “sub.”

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Sex

Many caged males and their keyholders perceive the power exchange the cage represents as far more than just locking up his penis and leaving it in its cage. All of the fantasies and many real life couples practice some form of keyholder control, at least of sexual matters. Many of us caged males crave rules and discipline. We want to feel our keyholder’s control beyond our little cages.

For a new keyholder, these interests in rules and discipline can come as a surprise. Without prior experience in topping, the new keyholder can feel lost and inadequate. Fear not! You can do this. Actually, the first step: caging your male’s penis was the hardest. It introduced what you might have considered an alien experience. You agreed to lock him up. Now there’s more? Yup, there is.

Like any kid with a new toy, your caged male will be enthusiastic and anxious to experience everything he dreamed about all at once. That can create a giant anxiety attack for a new keyholder. This is the first opportunity for you to use your new power. I know, you never asked for power; you just locked him up because he asked you to do it. For better or worse, you did do it and now you discover there could be a lot more. Read on, help is here.

First thing, because you have the key, you are in charge. Use this authority to firmly remind him that you will decide what happens next. You can thank him for his input, but in the future don’t volunteer advice. Of course, he will ignore your request. If he persists in his demands and questions, you need to be a bit firmer. My suggestion is that you tell him to stop. Tell him that all he needs to know is that you have locked him up and that you will tell him anything else he should know. Questions and requests are not welcome.

Here’s the hard part. He persists. Now you are at a crucial crossroad, dealing with a naughty boy. While you didn’t sign on for it, discipline generally is part of the keyholder’s job.  Depending how you feel about it, you have some fairly simple choices:

Behavior that has to stop now
Persistent questions and requests get annoying. If you want that to stop and stay stopped, your discipline needs to be real. You need to do something that will act as a true deterrent. Spanking is probably not a good choice. Many males really want that. For behavior you want to quickly modify, you need to be more drastic. If there is something he likes to do such as play video games, watch sports on TV, go out with his friends, etc., tell him that he is banned from that favorite thing for a week and that if he doesn’t stop now, it will be two weeks. He may object saying that he won’t do it. The response is simple: get your key and tell him that he either accepts your punishment or the cage comes off forever. It’s his choice. Either way you win. By the way, that’s critical. He must see discipline as a no-win for him. He either does what you say or he ends his chastity fantasy. It’s that simple. This won’t be easy for you to do, but believe me, if you don’t set these boundaries early, he will end up topping you and you will be his chastity slave.

Corrections and conditioning
Since we know that caged males crave rules and regimen, it would be very fulfilling for him if you find some rules he can follow that don’t take up too much of your emotional and physical time. Then, there are behaviors you want to modify it because you just want to. You can make this fun.

  • Sexual behavior This covers sexual conditioning for your caged male. There are two main categories: orgasm control and the cost of coming.
    Orgasm control is important if you want to assure your male only comes when you want but you still want to make some use of his penis. The objective is to get him to avoid orgasm without permission. If you want to play with his penis and you don’t want any accidents, inform him of this and tell him to warn you if he is close. Similarly, if you want penetration and you do this with or without desensitizing cream, he must warn you and give you a chance to stop the penetration before the accident. Infractions can be punished in any number of ways. One of my favorites is spanking. I like to be spanked, up to a point. Since this is not a recreational spanking, it should be done with a paddle that really stings and at full force until you feel he has learned. It’s probably a good idea to restrain him for this. Instead, or in addition, add time to his “sentence”. Make him wait another week or more before his next scheduled release. The objective is to condition him to ejaculate only when you give him permission. Over time, this is amazingly effective.Paying for release

    is a fun concept. In practice, every time he is allowed to ejaculate he must do something to “pay” for it. Some keyholders enjoy post-orgasm penis torture. Most men become painfully sensitive to touching the tip of their penises shortly before or after ejaculation. Vigorously rubbing the head after ejaculation will turn into something  he will love to hate. Another very appropriate payment is requiring him to consume (eat) his semen each time he comes. Most men will hate this too and will probably learn to love hating it. After all, it’s only fair he clean up after himself.

  • Rules Many caged males crave some rules that their keyholders will enforce. The big problem to the keyholder is that making rules means monitoring compliance and enforcement. This can become a tiresome time and energy drain. It’s also not easy to come up with rules you can live with, much less him. My lioness came up with a very clever rule: she requires me to wear a diaper from Friday evening until I dress for work on Monday. This rule requires no real effort to monitor and enforcement is a spanking. Also, if there is any reason I need to be out of diaper during the weekend, I must make up the time during the week. This may not appeal to you as a keyholder. I am not fond of it at all as a caged lion. But, it is effective and it conditions me to obedience. If you come up with any rules that you like, please add them as a comment to this post.

No matter how you slice it, forced male chastity is a form of sexual submission. It’s rarely the only submissive thing that a chastity couple do. The key for a new keyholder is to understand this and to realize that her caged male probably has a conscious or unconscious need for this. Most important is for you to do this your way and in your own time. You own the chastity relationship, he doesn’t.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal

While we focus on forced male chastity as our primary topic. It’s clear that most of us don’t just get caged or cage our partners and do nothing else. While we focus on caging cocks, I haven’t found anyone including my lioness who has no further ambitions. Full time caging is probably the most radical of activities since it permeates every single second of my life, but there are other fun things that almost always seem to go along with the cage. Exactly what these other items on the menu are depends on the keyholder.

Virtually every keyholder engages in regular cock teasing. We caged males learn to expect and enjoy being teased to the brink of orgasm and then locked up again without the climax. I get the feeling that there is an emotional basis for keyholders loving this activity. When our penises were unrestrained, females knew that there was a point of no return, beyond which they would be getting some sticky male fluids in or on them. Some girls apparently loved to see how far they could go without the boy squirting. I never experienced this myself, but many guys have.

“Nice” girls never did that to their dates. Many guys worked hard to get sexual attention of some sort from their female dates. I did. I had a fairly high success rate in my salad days. The point is that many women when they become keyholders and their caged males talk about teasing, a light bulb might go on and they realize this is their chance to be bad girls and tease their helpless caged males. Even if that thought didn’t occur to them at first, it has to be delicious to frustrate their partners and watch their faces change when they realize they won’t be coming today.

Tease and denial is nearly universal. Some consider it part of forced chastity, but it really isn’t. It’s just something that goes with the cage like peanut butter and jelly. Other things also find their way into the forced chastity lifestyle: spanking, bondage — it’s good to tie up a horny, caged male before taking him out of his cage, anal play, you name it. Forced chastity is a power exchange with the male surrendering power to the female.

If you are new to this kink, think about the other possibilities that might go along with what you are doing. Forced male chastity is much more fun if it isn’t practiced À La Carte.

By:
In: diapers, Lion's Journal, Sex
pegging is an activity that many caged males consider part of their chastity. here i am accepting my lioness' toy.
Pegging is an activity that many caged males consider part of their chastity. Here I am accepting my lioness’ toy anally. She was very patient by slowly inserting so that I could get used to her penetration.

It’s been only three days since my last orgasm, but to me it feels like forever. This is one of my horny times. I don’t know if other males experience this, but my interest in sex seems to fluctuate in some sort of rhythm. When it is at its peak, like now, I want to have sex constantly. Well, not really constantly, but at least daily. When I was younger I did, in fact, come every day. My lioness remembers that and mentions it to me occasionally. She even wrote about it here in a comment to my Gratitude post. Some males really like being forced to wait a long time between orgasms. It enhances their feeling of being controlled. I think it also does that to me too.

My lioness is not by nature a dominant person. She is giving and accepting by nature. In terms of power exchange, we are mismatched. So far she shows no signs of getting any deep pleasure from locking me up and controlling me sexually. She does it because she knows I want it. However, its only been a couple of months and there is always the chance that she will find her pleasure in this play.

It’s all about control
Sometimes it isn’t obvious why I like being caged. It’s not just because I love my lioness deciding if, when, and how I come. It is also about control: power exchange. There is no doubt that the continuous presence of a cage around my cock expresses my lioness’ control over my ability to reach orgasm. But like everything else in life, the fact that it is there 24/7, I grow accustomed to its presence. So, like many other caged males, I like – or more correctly need – additional reminders. When my lioness makes a rule I must follow (like being naked at home or having to spend my weekends in diapers), I am happily reminded of her control. When she spanks me or finds other things to do to me or for me to do, my enjoyment of her control increases. I love feeling her power over me.

One of the key tenets of forced chastity is that I have to wait for any sexual release and that release is at the pleasure of my lioness keyholder. That means there is a sexual desert for me with oasis far apart. Of course I can pleasure my lioness when she wishes. That’s certainly a very enjoyable sexual activity for me. But, all in all, my penis gets lonely in solitary. Many couples practicing forced chastity find other entertainments. These activities are generally entertaining to the keyholder and provide welcome attention to the caged male.

Ruined Orgasm
This practice does let the caged male ejaculate, but with a twist. It’s not hard to do and many women find it amusing. Just masturbate the male until he is ready to ejaculate. Just as he hits the peak stop stimulating his penis. If you’ve gotten him past the point of no return, he will begin to ejaculate. Generally, it will be semen just dripping out of his penis. When that happens to me (accidentally, in my case), I get a feeling like a door is closing. It’s not a satisfying orgasm and I feel the pleasure dripping out of my penis with the semen. It feels very submissive to me. My lioness has essentially taken my semen without giving me the sensation I love.

In the beginning, if you are new at this, you may stop too soon. When you stop, wait about ten seconds. If nothing comes out, resume masturbating him. It won’t take long for you to successfully ruin his orgasm. After he stops dripping, try going back to masturbating him. If he didn’t ejaculate his entire semen supply, you will be able to repeat the ruined orgasm again and again. You will know he is done when he gets soft while you masturbate him. If he remains hard, you can keep going. Some males can leak semen several times. To be clear, while this is frustrating, it is also fun for the male. After all, you are arousing him and he is getting to ejaculate. If my lioness does this to me, I count it as a chance to come. It isn’t my first choice on how I want to do it, but it is still sex. For males who want to be denied for long periods of time, this is probably not an activity you want to do. It does count as coming in a twisted way.

Pegging
This is the practice of anally penetrating your male. Strictly speaking, it is not part of forced chastity, but many keyholders and their caged males like this because it asserts female control in a very graphic way. There are a few things to know about this hobby. First of all, you caged male will probably whine loudly when you begin penetrating him. You may need to restrain him until he learns to manage his new activity. First consider the hardware.

Many women have inserted a finger into their partner’s anus during sexual play. They may have gotten less-than-positive feedback for doing it. Pegging is different. Your caged male has surrendered sexual control to you. If that includes things like pegging, you have permission to do it. You need to remember this since he will have a learning curve. Males will complain that whatever you are inserting is too big. Unless you are inserting something the size of your arm, this isn’t true. He just isn’t used to relaxing and letting you penetrate  him. A good first pegging toy is a medium-sized dildo. You can find a good guide to dildos here. I suggest you make his first toy a smaller dildo. If it is under 1 1/2 inches in diameter, it will be perfect as his training wheels. A diameter between 1 and 1 1/4 inches is perfect as a starter. Length is not important. Depth of insertion is something you can easily control. Any man is able to accept an eight-inch-long dildo with ease once he has been conditioned to pegging. Silicone dildos are easy to keep clean and can be put in the dishwasher or boiled. Realistic looking dildos have a special little zing for your male. Making him suck it before you insert it also adds to his helpless feelings.

To teach him to accept pegging, start by very slowing inserting the dildo as deeply as you can. Use a lot of lube. If you get a child’s medication syringe (you know, the device that you fill with cough medicine and shoot into the child’s mouth; you can find them at your local drugstore), you can actually shoot some lube up his ass before you begin. Shooting that lube in will improve his comfort. Be sure the outside of his anus is well lubed too. Get a finger full of lube and massage his anus and his entire crack. Most of the pain associated with pegging is caused by friction between the toy and his ass. There is no such thing as too much lube.

Very slowly, but relentlessly push the dildo up his ass. Once it is already in, hold it in place until he gets used to his new visitor. After he gets used to having the dildo up his ass, begin moving it in and out. Don’t remove it entirely and then push it in; just move it in and out, keeping the head up his ass. After a few sessions, you will be able to remove it entirely and then shove it back in. Gradually pick up speed. Do this for at least 15 minutes. He needs time to learn to love your penis. Repeat this exercise at least three times a week. The objective is to teach him to relax his anus when you want to penetrate him.

Once he can accept your penis without too much complaining – some males always complain; it shouldn’t stop you – you can consider getting a strap-on harness. A harness allows you to attach the dildo to your body as though the penis was part of you. That is the essence of true pegging. If you experiment with placement of the dildo on your body, you probably can find a spot where it stimulates your clitoris as you peg him. You can actually fuck him until you come. Over time, consider getting larger (diameter) toys so that he can learn to accept more and more from you. Some women like to compare their penises with their partner’s. They point out how small his is in comparison to hers.

Another fun anal addition is the butt plug. Butt plugs are shaped so that they remain inserted without having to be held in. They come in a wide variety of sizes and offer you the opportunity to train him to accept anal visits without your full attention. Again, use lots of lube and silicone is the most trouble-free material for butt plugs. He can hold a plug in his ass for at least an hour at a time. The main problem that comes up is that the lube can dissipate during his wearing time. That would make removal very painful. To cure this, lube your finger and insert it between the plug and his anus. You can manually re-lube the plug and then remove it.

Above all, remember that if he agreed to pegging, he doesn’t get to control how you do it. He will have discomfort. That’s part of learning to please you. In terms of danger, remember that he poops fairly large objects all the time. His anus is capable of accepting much more than he realizes. The key is to condition him to relax and accept whatever you want to insert, even your hand after he gets good at relaxing for you.

In my experience, the hardest thing for keyholders to understand, at least at first, is that this is what he asked for. I am sure that like me, in his mind, pegging would be fun for him. He will learn that it isn’t going to be all fun. It’s one more thing you can teach your caged male. I will post about other activities a keyholder can do in future posts. Please leave your comments on your play.