While the Internet and the Web have made it possible to find people who share your interests, it has also imposed a kind of crowd-sourced set of labels to people that force them in to social molds that make no sense. My biggest pet peeve are the “dom” and “sub” labels. Forced male chastity is a victim of this tyranny of labels. Since the web folks love labels, anyone who has power over someone and demonstrates it is “dom”, and anyone who accepts this control is “sub”.
In the real world, this just isn’t the case. Before the Internet and its idiotic labels, people in the leather community (folks who practiced power exchange and socialized with others who share this interest) did not identify this way at all. I am part of it. We recognize that all this play involves “roles”. That is, for a time or with a given partner, we are “tops” or “bottoms”. A top has the power and the bottom surrenders it to the top. This doesn’t imply that either the top or bottom is always in control in everything. It means that in the context of an agreed-to circumstance or period of time, like an evening, the people will take their particular roles.
This much more reasonable view is a better way to think about forced male chastity. As a caged male, when I surrendered the key to my lioness I didn’t relinquish all control of my life. As my keyholder she didn’t agree to dominate me and make every decision in our relationship. What a burden that would be for her! All we agreed to was that she would have sexual control over me. She would decide if and when my penis would get to stretch out and perhaps, ejaculate. I also asked if she would consider making some rules that I could follow. These rules didn’t have to center on my penis. She agreed to try. She made one that is a doozy; I spend every weekend in diapers. Fair enough! I asked and she granted my wish.
The limits of her topping are negotiated. She has to be willing to take the role in the requested context. As a bottom, I also have the right to negotiate the limits of her powers as my top. We both expect that this will change over time. She knows I get turned on by punishments for infractions. This is hard for her. She knows a spanking hurts and I am not sexually aroused while she inflicts it. What she may not know is that even though I hate it at the time, it feeds a deep-seated need inside me. The same is true of rules. I know that when she learned I didn’t like peeing in a diaper all weekend, her resolved seemed to soften. But I don’t want to like it. I want to feel her power. If diapers are one of her choices to demonstrate her control, then wearing them gives me a deep satisfaction.
As I mentioned in my last post, it can be a good idea to put a “price” on orgasms. Last night I had a delightful orgasm. While she was playing with me she informed me that if I come, I will have to eat my semen. Yuck! But, you know what? Deep down I was very happy. My lioness was showing her sexual control. I came and I had a little yucky snack. It didn’t taste good, but it felt wonderful. I think this is the hardest thing for a new top to understand: while I hate what she is doing, sometimes enough to try to get away, another more important part of me loves it. She is doing me a great kindness. The more I hate it and even protest, and the more she steadfastly sticks with her resolve, the more deep down satisfaction I get. It’s a paradox that is way too subtle for the Internet labels of “dom” and “sub.”