A lot of people like fear. That’s why horror movies are so popular. Being scared in a safe setting can be exciting. Fear is a big part of BDSM play. Head games are a treasured part of the top’s arsenal. I bring this up because it illustrates a very human trait. We are drawn to things that might hurt us. Sure, going to the movies isn’t going to get you killed, no matter how violent the film you watch. Nevertheless, you love the adrenalin rush being frightened triggers.
This desire for that primal, hormonal reaction triggered by terror isn’t very different from the apparently contradictory feelings I have about being spanked. I get sexually aroused thinking about a spanking. That’s not a terribly difficult thing to understand. The vast majority of both men and women admit to sexual fantasies that include spanking. The leap is when fantasy becomes reality.
Those same people who admit to spanking dreams are horrified when they are presented with adults who actually spank and get spanked. I think that part of their reaction is rooted in the sexual nature of adult spanking. It’s uncomfortable to be presented with dreams turned real. That’s probably why any sort of kinky sexuality triggers negative reactions in vanilla people.
The thing is that it isn’t just vanilla folk who have problems with kink. Many people who are actively kinky also feel guilt and shame about what they do. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s another sexual thrill derived from the humiliation of being discovered doing something shameful. That’s sort of like wanting to go to a horror movie. How many spankos fantasize about their bare-bottom spankings being witnessed by friends, relatives, or neighbors?
It’s all the same stuff. Guilty pleasure. Safe sinning. Spanking is sort of on the edge of this stuff. Spankings do hurt. I end up with bruises that hurt for days. Still, it’s safe. Even if vanilla people pretend to be horrified, we know that they dream about their bottoms being paddled just as mine is. The point of all this is that we humans have contradictory desires. I love and hate being spanked. It’s something I want. I hate the actual spanking. It hurts!
I’ve thought about this a lot. It seems to me that most of our lives are spent in the past and future tenses. We spend a lot of time remembering. We also spend a lot imagining a future. We don’t spend a lot of time in the here and now. Sure, we pay attention to what we’re doing in the present, but if we are completely honest with ourselves, we fill in blank spots with memories and fantasies.
It seems to me that the only times I’m truly in the here and now is when strong, visceral feelings are provoked. I am absolutely in the present while Mrs. Lion paddles my bottom. It’s impossible to be anywhere else. Similarly, during a horror movie when something scary or startling happens, you are in the moment. There is something very pure about those times. Add the fact that I find spanking memories and fantasies to be sexual, it starts to make sense why I would want the painful experiences that Mrs. Lion delivers.