Can it be that we are a society of hypocrites? Here in the United States, we have a long tradition of sexual repression. The Puritans, escaping religious repression, had a moral code so strict that any sort of pleasure was considered sinful. While things have loosened up considerably, there is still an underlying sense of impropriety around sexual pleasure.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the way our society reacts to purely recreational sexual activity. Spanking is a perfect representative of this hypocritical attitude. It’s one thing to fantasize about being spanked or spanking someone else, and entirely different to actually do it. Apparently, it’s fine to get sexually aroused at dark, dirty fantasies. But actually turning them into reality is a horrifying sin.

No other pastime generates the kind of emotional response that sex does. God forbid someone should find out I get spanked on my bare bottom. This is particularly strange because multiple studies have shown that at least 75% of both men and women have spanking fantasies. Yet, when they actually know someone who spanks or is spanked, they greet this revelation with rejection and horror rather than admiration.

I don’t get it. We idolize sports stars who actually do things we can only dream about. We admire people who accomplish things we consider outside our reach. We do, that is, as long as sex isn’t involved. Do our penises and vaginas possess some demonic force so powerful that simply invoking mention of their use is sufficient to damn us forever?

Society grudgingly accepts that these organs are needed to produce children. Though, a lot of science has been done figuring out how to keep them entirely out of the reproductive process. But we do wink at people, “trying to get pregnant.” Discussing this, so long as the dreaded naughty bits aren’t explicitly mentioned, is socially acceptable.

I always figured that fantasies deserve to come true; at least the ones that make some sense. I always had spanking fantasies. Even as a young child I imagined being spanked on my bare bottom. I also imagined being tied up while naked. These fantasies made my little penis stick out straight. At the time, I had no idea what that meant. It did feel good.

It was a very long time before I actually experienced being tied up and spanked. I was in my 30s the first time. This was the beginning of my descent into the kinky life. In the beginning, it wasn’t easy to learn exactly how to safely pursue these sinful practices. This was before the World Wide Web. I lived in New York City. I read the weekly “Village Voice” newspaper. It featured all sorts of counterculture writing. Every so often there would be an article about BDSM. One of them talked about a book called The Leather Man’s Guide.

This particular book was aimed at gay men. It turned out to be a treasure trove of how-to BDSM information for straight people too. The Leatherman’s Guide provided instruction on anal play, enemas, bondage, spanking, and all sorts of other kinky activities. At the time, it was the only book of its kind we could find. It served us well.

Since those days, there have been lots of books published about BDSM practices and how to do them. Most of these books were self published and sold either in leather shops or later, online. Not until Fifty Shades of Gray became a bestseller did these kinky practices truly enter the mainstream. You would think that with two books and two movies devoted to romantic BDSM sex, that folks would admit their interest in doing this stuff. They didn’t. All that happened was that people made up new jokes about kinky sex.

Thanks to the World Wide Web, it’s possible to privately indulge in any sort of perversion you might be interested in exploring. Our blog is a resource for people interested in sexual power exchange. Thanks to Google, learning about everything from spanking to soapy enemas is just a few clicks away. I love this.

Ironically, in the years before the Web, less sophisticated online bulletin boards and paper newsletters provided city-dwellers with opportunities for in-person BDSM education. Almost every city of any size had at least one “leather” organization. These groups had regular meetings featuring speakers who would teach and demonstrate various kinky activities. I became an active member of one and eventually ended up editing a publication and doing live workshops around the country.

Those of us who belonged to these groups had a sort of code. We wouldn’t acknowledge knowing one another if we met outside the context of the organization or one of its events. I never really understood this. Seems kind of crazy to totally disavow any knowledge of my fellow kinksters. I could certainly see avoiding discussion of what we do, but to pretend we never even met seemed rather extreme.

Nowadays, online anonymity is a given. Mrs. Lion and I protect our real-life identities because we could lose our jobs if our sexual practices became public. Anonymity makes sense when explicitly describing what we do in bed. I don’t talk about my sex life, vanilla or otherwise, with coworkers and acquaintances. I don’t come into the office and say, “Wow! Did I get a great blow job from my wife last night!” We just don’t talk about this stuff. So it does make sense that we wouldn’t talk about the fact that my penis is locked in a cock ring or chastity device.

If recreational sex is considered an acceptable hobby, the opportunities for education and conversation would be amazing. What astounds me is the fact that virtually every living person practices sexual activities. Yet, almost no one admits doing them. Every guy in your office has jerked off at one time or another. Every woman has played with her clitoris. Yet, it never comes up in conversation.

How many people who you know have spanked or been spanked in the last year or two? It’s a pretty safe bet that some have. Enforced male chastity and female lead relationships are sufficiently exotic to pretty much guarantee none of us know other people in our day-to-day lives who practice it.

Too bad.


  1. Yes. Too bad. A great many people, I think, would be a great deal happier. Perhaps the number of divorces would decrease; and, perhaps the family unit – still the backbone of this society – would strengthen. Never give up hope, and be grateful for what you share.

    1. Author

      It’s tempting to generalize the benefits we get from our kink. I don’t think it’s correct to assume that a societal change toward male, or female, spanking would be beneficial. I think that if more people were aware of the opportunities to do this sort of stuff, we might have a lot more folks trying it. I’m convinced that you have to have a very strong marriage to do what we’re doing. I don’t think you can fix one that’s in trouble this way. We had a problem to solve. I figured enforced male chastity and FLRD might put us on the right track. Luckily it did.

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