I never did very well sustaining traditional romantic moves. I wasn’t all that good in the first place. Maybe there is something wrong with me that prevents me from initiating sex. It isn’t that I don’t want it. I do. I’ve always been horny. I just can’t seem to make the first move.
Over the years, I learned to warn potential partners of this defect. That helped, at least for a while. Sooner or later, the reality of this issue would get in the way of my relationships. Mrs. Lion is struggling with it now. Is she feeling the same sort of fear of rejection that plagues me? It seems that way based on her post yesterday (“Awkward“). After nearly twenty years, you would think that we would have worked out the sex stuff.
It’s true that Mrs. Lion didn’t take to BDSM and spanking the way some women do. One partner of mine considered spanking me as excellent foreplay. She got wet by tying me to the bed and then spanking me. After a while, she needed to turn me loose and “be an attack lion.” I was turned on and ready to mount her. The act of topping me turned her on. Unfortunately, other more serious relationship issues got in our way.
Mrs. Lion and I are perfect for each other in almost every way. Sex seems to be one way we aren’t. I believe that for something to work, both partners need to benefit from the transaction. A good example is a woman getting aroused by topping. It neatly solves the problem of initiation. That isn’t our situation. That may not mean all is lost.
The challenge is to find ways to make sex a win-win. That’s tricky since Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex. The easiest solution is for me not to be interested either. Problem solved. Oh, wait, I am interested. Let’s put a pin in this problem right now. We solved a similar problem not too long ago.
I wanted a disciplinary relationship. That required Mrs. Lion to create rules and enforce them. She isn’t a very proactive person. See, it relates to sex as well. So, how can she make and enforce rules when she isn’t inclined to take action on anything? It took a lot of time and effort. At first, the rules were trivial and thinly veiled excuses to spank me.
That worked very well. Mrs. Lion learned to effectively spank me without feeling guilty for hurting me. In that case, practice made perfect. Now, she is completely happy to bruise my bottom and make me yelp in pain. It isn’t fun for her. It’s more like a chore. Emotion isn’t an issue.
Interestingly, enforcing rules is sort of fun for her. She likes games, and it is a sort of a game to catch me breaking a rule. This is only true if the rule is a concrete, observable offense, like not closing the shower door. If the offense is subjective, like annoying her, she rarely enforces it. Many disciplinary wives have the same issue. Our current challenge is to find more concrete rules to enforce. Suggestions?
OK, back to sex. We are presented with the same sort of challenge we have with discipline. Sex is more difficult. Mrs. Lion doesn’t get turned on. Nothing we can do will make her want sex. The trick is finding something that will be enough fun for her that she will want to do it often. Hopefully, it will also turn me on and lead her to edge me or get me off.
When I was locked in a chastity device, the ritual of unlocking me at least every other day presented a concrete activity that started things going down “there.” It was similar to spanking me because it was a clearly defined activity that she didn’t mind doing. She never grew to like it, and she didn’t enjoy locking me up again. Fiddling with the locking mechanism annoyed her.
I think that it worked because the activity of unlocking me was an expected, clearly-defined activity. She didn’t have to wonder if she should tie up my balls, fondle me, snuggle, or just hold hands. We agreed that the cage came off for teasing and other sexual activities, at least every other day. It was the same as spanking.
We had agreed on discipline, and we both understand what it means. I’m not shocked or upset when the spanking bench comes out. Mrs. Lion knows exactly what to do. There is no ambiguity. Similarly, we both knew that I would be locked in a chastity device and let out every day or two. No ambiguity. We both understood that once unlocked, sexual activity would occur. Mrs. Lion got to choose. Usually, she masturbated me.
I am not saying that I should be locked up again, though it is fine with me if Mrs. Lion decides to do it. My point is that we both do better with clearly understood plans. Ambiguity is the enemy. Whatever Mrs. Lion decides to try as a way to start sex, it has to be followed religiously. She does it when she agreed she should–daily, every other day, etc. I don’t get to say no–just as with spanking. I suppose I could end up in the Jail Bird if Mrs. Lion can’t think of anything else.