Awkward

Lion and I have been together for over 15 years. I won’t say we know everything about each other, but we are comfortable. Then why does it feel so awkward to me right now? I mean, I don’t know what he’s looking for. He said he needed more than clothespins or the Magic Wand. It can’t be my rubbing his chest and then meandering down to his weenie. He’s said that’s not a turn-on either. We both know we were never really romantic.

Last night, I was going to move over to snuggle, and he said he was tired. Is that code for not wanting anything? Is it code for don’t expect too much? Is it code for I might fall asleep any minute? We wound up holding hands, which is perfectly acceptable to me. I don’t want to diminish the power of holding hands. I just feel lost in any other capacity. And yes, that sounds stupid. How can I not know what to do after all this time?

I know Lion will say it would be easier if I wanted sex. Would it? Why? It would still be me initiating and not sure what to do. The only difference I can see is if I told him I wanted sex. I never really did this. I didn’t really have to. It was a given that I’d get Lion revved up and then hop on top if I wanted to. Yes, Lion would give me oral sex or finger me from time to time. Anyway, I’m trying to figure out how to get things started again.

Snuggling to sex or BDSM to sex won’t necessarily work. Did the coming attractions work? There must be an answer. Maybe it’s coming attractions to snuggling to BDSM to sex. It may take some time, but we’ll figure it out.

1 Comment

  1. You will cope with these temporary difficulties and come up with something new. No wonder you’ve been together for so long.

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