It’s been a while since I’ve answered reader questions. Here are some from our Contact Us mailbag.

Pregnancy and maintaining a FLR

“I have a question for the both of you, what is your take on the Female led marriage regarding pregnancy? My wife is about to give birth to our first child and I don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on her. Should we pause it for now? or discuss some “guidelines”?

Pregnancy can be an all-consuming process for a woman. Her body and mind are undergoing changes. She probably has pregnancy-related mood swings as well. If your FLR is well established and she feels comfortable in her role, then there is no reason to stop. On the other hand, if you are pushing her to be/stay in charge, then it makes sense to leave her alone and let her decide what she wants to do.

Very often when a guy mentions “guidelines” it’s a way of trying to get her to do something he wants. I asked Mrs. Lion to become my disciplinary wife. We had/have lots of discussions about what that means. She decides what she wants to do. Right now your wife has to focus on the upcoming birth of your baby. She really doesn’t need you to add another child — you — to the mix. You may have to wait quite a while after the baby is born to discuss those guidelines.

spank me at least once a week

“My partner and I are just starting our FLR with DD. She hesitates to discipline me even though I need at least a weekly spanking. Any suggestions?”

How do you know you need at least a weekly spanking? It sounds to me like you want BDSM spanking play more than an FLR. The purpose of punishment in domestic discipline is to correct behavioral problems, not meet a sexually-motivated need for spanking. It’s important to understand this before going forward.

Mrs. Lion learned to spank me for BDSM play. It took her a long time to get to the point that the spanking was effective. We started our FLRD quite a while after she was comfortable swatting my bottom. Even so it took her quite a while to punish me effectively.

Talk with her. Separate your need for spanking from the DD. If she is comfortable spanking you for play, she will have less trouble punishing you. We made the transition with simple rules that Mrs. Lion created. They were concrete with no underlying emotional content. I was punished for spilling food on my shirt and for eating before Mrs. Lion started. These infractions are easy to spot and punishing them has no emotional value. It worked for us. Your results may vary.

split-base-ring male chastity devices

“My lady and I are shopping…and I am trying to find the right combination of features, etc. for my first cock cage. Your 1″ Bird Cage looks perfect…but I want to make sure that I get a hinged base ring. It seems for really short cages they are all solid. What company has a decent selection based on features like length, size, and ring style/size?”

Hinged rings are disappearing fast. Even the cheapest Chinese male chastity devices are featuring solid base rings. There’s a good reason for this: hinged rings hurt. That little space needed to allow the hinge to work will irritate your scrotum. That’s why cages that have split base rings usually come with a short piece of latex tubing. The idea is to use it to cover the hinge and help prevent irritation. It doesn’t work.

A properly-sized, solid base ring is very comfortable to wear. I would guess that you want a very tight base ring. There is no reason to get a super tight fit. Your base ring should fit comfortably. It shouldn’t need lube to make it comfortable to wear. In terms of recommending a company to sell you a device, do a search on this site for “review”. It will point you to the reviews we have written.


  1. When my wife became pregnant, it was after a concerted effort to have children and long before anything to do with chastity. I hadn’t discussed it with her and while she knew of my BDSM tastes, she made it clear that it wasn’t her thing. I had more kinky sex ‘trying to get pregnant’ than I’ve had any time in my life as such had to encourage me to provide sperm whenever the time was right. She knew the button to push.

    After we got the test results that told us that we were about to start a family, we talked to the doctor about sex and he was quite clear that it was fine as long as she was comfortable. Her libido crashed and while she was a careful and loving wife to meet my needs, she usually did it with a simple hand job and some sexy talk. I never pressed her for anything she wasn’t offering when she was pregnant – thinking back, I wonder if that is where my desire to be controlled and chaste might have begun.

    Growing babies is exhausting and I learned that handling my own needs was more likely to get me where I needed to be without pressuring her or being disappointed by her being ‘tired again.’

    After she gave birth was a busy time and I’m not really sure where I was or who I was, I can only imagine how it was for her. Sex WILL take a backseat. It happens. When sleep returns to normal ranges and babies become toddlers, it all returns with time.

    Looking back on what I have learned from chastity over the last few years, it may have helped to be caged after she became pregnant. I’m rapidly becoming an advocate of teaching caging husbands as part of the engagement counseling as people begin their married lives together. I wish that we had started chastity so much sooner in our relationship.

    1. Author

      I know it’s tempting to try to generalize your experiences into something that’s good for all males. I think that introducing a chastity device into a relationship during or just after pregnancy is probably not the best idea. For one thing, there is implicit pressure on the woman when she knows that she and she alone can provide you with sexual release. I think a lot of women maintain a polite fiction that their husbands don’t want or need sex unless they get it from them. I suppose we promote that fiction by keeping our private masturbation secret.

      Introducing anything that requires new activities like enforced male chastity is bound to make things more difficult for the new mother. Does the question still remain what you are supposed to do under those conditions? My experience with my ex was very disappointing. She seemed to feel that both of us would happily suspend any interest in sex while the children were young. Obviously, I didn’t share that point of view.

      This is a time for careful negotiation. The objective is to find a compromise that provides both of you with reasonable satisfaction. If you had been practicing male chastity prior to the pregnancy, it certainly wouldn’t be an issue. I just don’t think adding something new and this challenging for a woman makes a lot of sense at such a vulnerable time.

  2. Introducing chastity and cages at this time would be a mistake in my opinion. Support your wife and help lots when the baby comes. In time, you can speak about cages and male chastity.

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