It’s been a while since I’ve answered reader questions. Here are some from our Contact Us mailbag.
Pregnancy and maintaining a FLR
“I have a question for the both of you, what is your take on the Female led marriage regarding pregnancy? My wife is about to give birth to our first child and I don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on her. Should we pause it for now? or discuss some “guidelines”?
Pregnancy can be an all-consuming process for a woman. Her body and mind are undergoing changes. She probably has pregnancy-related mood swings as well. If your FLR is well established and she feels comfortable in her role, then there is no reason to stop. On the other hand, if you are pushing her to be/stay in charge, then it makes sense to leave her alone and let her decide what she wants to do.
Very often when a guy mentions “guidelines” it’s a way of trying to get her to do something he wants. I asked Mrs. Lion to become my disciplinary wife. We had/have lots of discussions about what that means. She decides what she wants to do. Right now your wife has to focus on the upcoming birth of your baby. She really doesn’t need you to add another child — you — to the mix. You may have to wait quite a while after the baby is born to discuss those guidelines.
spank me at least once a week
“My partner and I are just starting our FLR with DD. She hesitates to discipline me even though I need at least a weekly spanking. Any suggestions?”
How do you know you need at least a weekly spanking? It sounds to me like you want BDSM spanking play more than an FLR. The purpose of punishment in domestic discipline is to correct behavioral problems, not meet a sexually-motivated need for spanking. It’s important to understand this before going forward.
Mrs. Lion learned to spank me for BDSM play. It took her a long time to get to the point that the spanking was effective. We started our FLRD quite a while after she was comfortable swatting my bottom. Even so it took her quite a while to punish me effectively.
Talk with her. Separate your need for spanking from the DD. If she is comfortable spanking you for play, she will have less trouble punishing you. We made the transition with simple rules that Mrs. Lion created. They were concrete with no underlying emotional content. I was punished for spilling food on my shirt and for eating before Mrs. Lion started. These infractions are easy to spot and punishing them has no emotional value. It worked for us. Your results may vary.
split-base-ring male chastity devices
“My lady and I are shopping…and I am trying to find the right combination of features, etc. for my first cock cage. Your 1″ Bird Cage looks perfect…but I want to make sure that I get a hinged base ring. It seems for really short cages they are all solid. What company has a decent selection based on features like length, size, and ring style/size?”
Hinged rings are disappearing fast. Even the cheapest Chinese male chastity devices are featuring solid base rings. There’s a good reason for this: hinged rings hurt. That little space needed to allow the hinge to work will irritate your scrotum. That’s why cages that have split base rings usually come with a short piece of latex tubing. The idea is to use it to cover the hinge and help prevent irritation. It doesn’t work.
A properly-sized, solid base ring is very comfortable to wear. I would guess that you want a very tight base ring. There is no reason to get a super tight fit. Your base ring should fit comfortably. It shouldn’t need lube to make it comfortable to wear. In terms of recommending a company to sell you a device, do a search on this site for “review”. It will point you to the reviews we have written.