It’s been a while since I’ve answered reader questions. Here are some from our Contact Us mailbag.

Pregnancy and maintaining a FLR

“I have a question for the both of you, what is your take on the Female led marriage regarding pregnancy? My wife is about to give birth to our first child and I don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on her. Should we pause it for now? or discuss some “guidelines”?

Pregnancy can be an all-consuming process for a woman. Her body and mind are undergoing changes. She probably has pregnancy-related mood swings as well. If your FLR is well established and she feels comfortable in her role, then there is no reason to stop. On the other hand, if you are pushing her to be/stay in charge, then it makes sense to leave her alone and let her decide what she wants to do.

Very often when a guy mentions “guidelines” it’s a way of trying to get her to do something he wants. I asked Mrs. Lion to become my disciplinary wife. We had/have lots of discussions about what that means. She decides what she wants to do. Right now your wife has to focus on the upcoming birth of your baby. She really doesn’t need you to add another child — you — to the mix. You may have to wait quite a while after the baby is born to discuss those guidelines.

spank me at least once a week

“My partner and I are just starting our FLR with DD. She hesitates to discipline me even though I need at least a weekly spanking. Any suggestions?”

How do you know you need at least a weekly spanking? It sounds to me like you want BDSM spanking play more than an FLR. The purpose of punishment in domestic discipline is to correct behavioral problems, not meet a sexually-motivated need for spanking. It’s important to understand this before going forward.

Mrs. Lion learned to spank me for BDSM play. It took her a long time to get to the point that the spanking was effective. We started our FLRD quite a while after she was comfortable swatting my bottom. Even so it took her quite a while to punish me effectively.

Talk with her. Separate your need for spanking from the DD. If she is comfortable spanking you for play, she will have less trouble punishing you. We made the transition with simple rules that Mrs. Lion created. They were concrete with no underlying emotional content. I was punished for spilling food on my shirt and for eating before Mrs. Lion started. These infractions are easy to spot and punishing them has no emotional value. It worked for us. Your results may vary.

split-base-ring male chastity devices

“My lady and I are shopping…and I am trying to find the right combination of features, etc. for my first cock cage. Your 1″ Bird Cage looks perfect…but I want to make sure that I get a hinged base ring. It seems for really short cages they are all solid. What company has a decent selection based on features like length, size, and ring style/size?”

Hinged rings are disappearing fast. Even the cheapest Chinese male chastity devices are featuring solid base rings. There’s a good reason for this: hinged rings hurt. That little space needed to allow the hinge to work will irritate your scrotum. That’s why cages that have split base rings usually come with a short piece of latex tubing. The idea is to use it to cover the hinge and help prevent irritation. It doesn’t work.

A properly-sized, solid base ring is very comfortable to wear. I would guess that you want a very tight base ring. There is no reason to get a super tight fit. Your base ring should fit comfortably. It shouldn’t need lube to make it comfortable to wear. In terms of recommending a company to sell you a device, do a search on this site for “review”. It will point you to the reviews we have written.

It’s been a while since I’ve answered the mail. Here are a few of the more interesting letters:

Audrey writes

“Dear Lions,

Thank you so much for this journal! It is such a great find! I had a question about ruined orgasms. I love to ruin my bf but we always have porn on with him facing it and it behind me while I play with him. In your opinion, do you think it helps or hinders play? I find it distracting at times because he makes comments about the women so I don’t think he is focusing on me and what we are doing. Thank you again for your time and keep up the good work!”

I have to admit this is a first for me. I’m surprised that you would even consider allowing him to watch porn when you play with his cock. Mrs. Lion is the center of my life and when she is playing with me, there are no distractions. Turn the porn off! The only woman he should be talking about is you.

Steve writes:

“I am sure you get this question all the time so I apologize but I have had a great interest in chastity for a very long time. My wife and I tried it out but for some reason it was not what I thought it would be. I don’t know if that was due to the fact I had too high of expectations or that my wife didn’t really show the “dominant” mentality. (Not sure if that makes sense) Anyway I was hoping you had some insight on how to approach my wife again on giving chastity a real shot and how to get her to maybe take a higher interest.”

Please refer back to this post. Don’t expect her to want to lock you up. Believe it or not, most women don’t really care about whether your cock is caged or not. You wife might be willing to lock you up and release you when she wants sex or thinks you might like to be unlocked. If you are going to approach her, I suggest you start with just this and nothing else. Most of what you read about male chastity is pure fantasy, especially the articles purported to be written by women. They aren’t. Just keep it simple and easy for her. She might do it because it makes you happy. Later, she might agree to do other things as well. Take it slow and remember she does all this because she wants to please you.

Deanna writes:

“Good evening my partner and I have been working on finding our own flr…. I would love to make friends in my area or online … I have tried fetlife with no luck …. any places you know of for women to share there journey ? As well as any advice to ones just starting out ? Thank you for your time”

We are in the same boat. I suspect that there aren’t that many people in a FLR who want to advertise their preference. It hasn’t been that many years female dominants have been willing to let people know of their interests. There are organizations whose members practice male domination, but none I know about where the women are in charge.

Keep those cards and letters coming!