Mammograms and Colonoscopies

My hairless Lion

As I was taking care of the breakfast dishes I was thinking about things I’d rather do than waxing Lion. Going to the dentist sprang to mind but I really despise that. Mammograms and colonoscopies were the next things I thought of. I really don’t mind either of those. It’s true it’s uncomfortable to have your boobs squished but it’s not so bad. The colonoscopy prep wasn’t as bad as people made it sound and I was asleep for the procedure. No big deal. But would I really rather have either of those than wax Lion? I don’t mind them but they do take time and that’s when I realized they are all time sucks.

It is uncomfortable to stand and bend and reach while I’m waxing Lion but the biggest problem is the length of time it takes. Of course, there are issues with certain hairs that just don’t want to come out and what the hell are they hanging onto anyway! There’s also the lead up which is sort of the equivalent of drinking the colonoscopy goo. Turn the wax on, wait hours for it to melt, get everything ready and then we can finally get to it. Then we kick in the standing and bending and reaching.

Every time I wax Lion I joke that I want to be able to just dip him in the wax and peel it all off at once. Can I use a paint roller? It’s too bad Lion’s skin is so sensitive to products like Nair. It would be easier to slather on a cream that would make all the hair just disappear. Then he could take a shower and voila! No more hair.

Maybe the worst part about waxing is that the real estate has increased. I never cared if Lion was hair-free even when it was from belly button to mid thigh. Now he wants everything from the shoulders down, with the exception of his arms, hair-free. Today I think he’s only getting from belly button to mid thigh. I might consider going upstream to the chest and back. I really haven’t decided on the legs yet. They look fine either with or without hair. I’m just not sure it’s worth the amount of work it takes to get them hairless. There’s a lot more hair on his legs than on the rest of him combined.

Okay. So the wax is melted. I just have to drag out the table and set it up. I guess I could compromise and do from mid thigh up today and the legs next weekend. Maybe I’ll reward myself with a mammogram.

[Lion — I think my hairy legs look pretty bad if the rest of me is hairless. However, I don’t want Mrs. Lion to be unhappy. I can stay hairy there or go to a professional.]