It’s that time of year when the days are very short and the weather dismal. This is when it’s best to be indoors and under the covers snuggling. Yesterday was certainly one of those days. I had the day off from work but sadly Mrs. Lion’s office wasn’t closed for the holiday. Snuggling under the covers alone isn’t much fun at all. So I decided to get out of bed, trudge into my home office, and make you miserable along with me.
I suppose it’s natural for people to try to generalize based on their individual experiences. Sometimes the generalizations are highly flattering, more often they range from mildly insulting to outright libelous. So-called submissive men take hits from both sides of the buffet. Vanilla or non-submissive men consider them an inferior species and often question their sexual orientation. After all, what “real man” would let a woman spank him?
Women aren’t much kinder. Many equate male sexual submissiveness with weakness. After all, “real men” take charge, initiate sex, and make decisions. Of course, there are exceptions. But even people who are in intimate relationships with submissive men fall prey to these stereotypes.
Worse yet, the men themselves buy into this as well. Submission is equated with weakness. That’s not surprising. Aggressiveness equates to strength. Stereotypes tend to oversimplify to the point that real damage can be done to the people being stereotyped. The real question is whether sexually submissive men have flawed personalities that drive them to this role? If they do, do these same flaws appear elsewhere in their lives?
I thought a lot about this. A good deal of the problem may be attributable to terminology. If the word “submissive” is a noun, then it describes a specific type of person. This may seem obvious but stay with me. If, on the other hand, the word is an adjective then it just describes specific behaviors, not the entire person. It’s even possible to overgeneralize the adjective. I am sexually submissive. However, that’s not entirely accurate. I do some things that are sexually submissive but I don’t think 100% of my sexuality is defined by submissive behaviors.
I got to thinking about this because I realize that most of my behavior isn’t submissive. When I read posts by other men who assume a similar sexual role, They too limit their submission to very specific areas of their lives. This brings me to the central point: If I define the boundaries of my sexual submission and I maintain control over them, am I really being submissive?
Dominance and submission in the animal kingdom aren’t choices made by members of a given community. Submission is imposed by dominant members. It’s not a choice. The same is true of human societal situations. Submission is imposed; it isn’t chosen. Sexual submission in the context I’m talking about represents choices made by the person who wishes to submit. I wanted Mrs. Lion to be in charge of sex. I wanted her to expand her authority into other areas of my life. I wanted her to dominate me in specific situations.
This includes physically punishing me for breaking a rule or failing to do something I’ve been assigned. This certainly appears to be classic submission. Mrs. Lion announces that I’ve done something wrong and then proceeds to punish me. Behind the scenes, it’s a little more complicated. I’ve given Mrs. Lion the authority to do this. However, we’ve agreed on specific rules and also general areas of authority she can impose. What we do is 100% consensual. More importantly, we do it because it works for us. It doesn’t matter how it looks to anyone else.
This is also true of my orgasm control. Mrs. Lion has complete say over when I get to ejaculate. I’ve given her this authority because it sexually exciting to me. She has taken it because it provides social and sexual lubrication inside our marriage.
When we first started with enforced male chastity and later domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion was fairly sure I wouldn’t like it once she got going. She wasn’t sure she would like it either. We both knew that would be way too easy to quit after a short time. We agreed to stick with both for at least six months and then decide whether or not we wanted to continue.
To Mrs. Lion’s surprise, I didn’t want to quit. She was willing, but not terrifically enthusiastic, about continuing. So we did. It became part of our lives. It feels perfectly natural for her to spank me when needed and to be the sole arbiter of when I get to ejaculate. You could argue that it just became a habit. We never discussed that until very recently. After my spinal surgery, all rules were suspended and sex was extremely limited. As I slowly recovered, I realized that I felt something was missing. I asked Mrs. Lion if she felt the same way. She said she did. That was when we discovered that our disciplinary relationship and my orgasm control were more than habits. Somehow they have become positive forces inside our marriage.
When I thought about it more I realized that whether we were aware of it or not, we each had to be getting some benefit out of doing these things. It was work for Mrs. Lion and discomfort and frustration for me. When those things stopped happening, there was a subtle change in our dynamic. I can’t explain it. Neither can Mrs. Lion.
So-called sexual submission is not one-way. It’s a conversation between two people. The language is often nonverbal, but it is important to the people who practice it. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t find reason to punish me for a week or two, I start to feel something is missing. That means the connection isn’t just obedience and training. The actual activity of being spanked is very positive for me. I’m not referring to a play spanking. I do like those and they turn me on. I’m referring to a disciplinary paddling. I wish I could be more descriptive about why it’s important for me. All I can say is that whether I get it for breaking a rule or just because it’s something I need, it provides a connection between Mrs. Lion and I we don’t get any other way. It’s also an emotional anchor for me.
I guess I need maintenance spankings when I haven’t provided any other reason to be punished. It’s not too surprising. The need that drove me to ask Mrs. Lion to take charge was much more than some sort of yearning for maternal authority. Just because I can’t articulate exactly why it works, doesn’t mean that there aren’t multiple reasons why our marriage benefits. The important thing to me is that I recognize that our roles are far more complex than the relatively simplistic disciplinary equation they seem to fit into. Each time that Mrs. Lion observes an infraction and punishes me, a bond between us is strengthened.
This is clearly illustrated by the evolution of Mrs. Lion’s punishment style. It took her a very long time to go from light love taps to a true disciplinary spanking. It had much less to do with worry about injuring me than it did trust that I would accept what she chose to inflict. At the same time I learned to remain in place for serious spanking, she learned that she could spank me as long and as hard as she felt was appropriate. She’s learned that while I get some input, it’s completely okay for her to decide where to draw the limits.
We are in a good place. Aside from being my disciplining wife, Mrs. Lion takes very good care of me. We have complete trust in one another. You may think the way we express it is a little odd, but it works for us.
Circling back to why I started this post, I don’t consider myself particularly submissive. I’m pretty much an alpha male. I have voluntarily surrendered power to the person I trust most in the entire world, Mrs. Lion. I prove that I have each time she punishes me. Maybe that’s why maintenance spankings are important to me. It gives me a chance to re-establish the level of trust I have in her.