I’ve been thinking about submission. Definitions aside, it isn’t a simple subject. I think that enforced chastity isn’t really about domination and submission. I think it is more a sexual game where the male is “it”. I haven’t run across any guys with this kink who don’t get turned on by surrendering sexual control. I think that many people confuse consensual sexual surrender with submission. I don’t think they are the same at all.
When I was a practicing top (dom to Internet folks), I occasionally switched and a female top would tie me down and make me a little sorry I let her. Since I came back for more time and time again, I wasn’t all that sorry. I managed to get hard and she, especially at play parties would give me a handjob for passersby to enjoy. It felt odd when people would later tell me that they enjoyed watching me come. Actually, it turned me on.
Enforced chastity has well defined limits. The male is under his keyholder’s orgasm control. He can only come when she allows it. Sometimes the game goes beyond that. The keyholder withholds release unless the male “behaves”. Again, it is part of the game. Some people refer to enforced chastity as a kink. It certainly is. But I don’t think one has to be submissive to be locked up and have fun. If the male seriously objects to his wait, his keyholder will most likely release him.
Submission, on the other hand, is both a set of behaviors as well as a mental state. The submissive male wants to please his dominant. He is happy to give up his sexual pleasure to please her. Obedience is his goal. Praise from his dominant is better than sex for him. He is focused on his dominant in every way, not just sexual. Enforced chastity for a submissive male is an indulgence his dominant allows for his pleasure. She knows that sexual bondage is exciting to him and locks him up to make him happy. It’s a game, just like it is for the male who isn’t submissive. His submission doesn’t depend on enforced chastity.
I don’t think I am submissive. The people I’ve topped over the years will agree with me. So what am I doing in a female led marriage (FLM)? Unlike enforced chastity, FLM isn’t consensual once the male surrenders. Actually, in most cases the male is very happy to turn control over to his wife. Consent isn’t really an issue. It’s what he needs. I think that most disciplined husbands are submissive at heart. They get a sense of security and fulfillment by submitting to their wives. Disciplinary wives are most comfortable when in control.
Mrs. Lion and I don’t fit either role as I described. I am very independent and willful; some have described me as stubborn. Mrs. Lion is easy going and is generally very happy to go along with what I want to do. Doesn’t fit the FLM model very well, does it? There’s more. Mrs. Lion, when unhappy with me or how things were going would withdraw into her computer games. She didn’t want to risk conflict. It’s hard to believe, but we manged to be inseparable despite this.
Both enforced chastity and FLM were my ideas. I get very turned on surrendering sexual control and I love to wear my cage. Mrs. Lion has been very kind about not letting me get too frustrated. I come more often than most caged males. That is very likely to change. More about that later. Mrs. Lion locked me up because it makes me happy. However, that has slowly changed. Now she finds that she enjoys the sexual control and keeping me horny. We have lots of sexual contact. Most is non-orgasmic for me, but she pays a lot of attention to my penis that I love.
The reason I suggested FLM was that it seemed to me that because of enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion has become far more assertive about sex and her libido has begun to show signs of life. So, I reasoned, if her authority was extended to all domestic decisions, maybe she wouldn’t withdraw when unhappy with me and, instead, let me know and require me to change. This too is slowly starting to happen.
I’m not worried she will become a heartless dictator. She loves me and wants me to be happy. I also thought I could “manage” any situation where she wanted me to do something I really didn’t want to do. In the beginning I could. She often accepts my “no,”or “I don’t want to do that.” But that seems to be changing too. Last weekend I was grumpy with a friend who didn’t deserve being growled at. It took her several hours, but Mrs. Lion finally confronted me in a very kind, gentle way. She let me know she was embarrassed by my behavior. The next morning she asked me to apologize. I agreed. Later she told me that if I refused, she would have. But I agreed to obey her.
The fact she brought it up is real progress. She also let me know that future growls would result in punishment. I’m on my best behavior. The way she handled it may seem a bit less than dominant, but remember she is coming from a completely different background where she withdrew and avoided any confrontation. Very very good progress I set of bethink. Remember when I mentioned that her attitude toward orgasm control has changed? She has found her own reasons to keep me waiting. She told me that she really likes me horny. I asked why. She said she didn’t know. I asked if I behave differently when horny. She said no. If it isn’t me, then it must be her. I suggested she is starting to like having the power. She said, “Maybe.” Progress!
What about me? Am I becoming submissive? It’s been suggested that I really am submissive. I don’t think so. I am becoming obedient. I am enjoying feeling Mrs. Lion’s control. Uh Oh! Isn’t that what I said submissives do? For now I think of myself as a well-behaved lion. I’m not submissive; oh no, not me.