When Is It Too Much?

When I have time, I like to surf other blogs related to enforced male chastity, female led relationships, and BDSM. I’ve noticed that the blogs that turn me off almost instantly tend to tell me what I need to do. The ones I like best, talk about personal experience and offer possible explanations as to why whatever the subject is works for the writer. Any time I read, “you should”, I head for the hills. Almost invariably the writer has no firsthand knowledge of the subject matter.

One blogger loves to talk about peeing in her submissive’s mouth. She goes on about inviting her friends to use him as a toilet as well. I cite this example because it represents a serious safety issue. Consuming urine from a healthy person isn’t necessarily dangerous. However, consuming a lot of urine will stress the kidneys since they are forced to extract not only the toxins in his body, but also the toxins excreted by the urine donor. Enough about that.

The point is that some people find this idea very erotic and accept the very irresponsible writing by this blogger as instructions on how to pursue this particular turn-on. The same is true about other practices that could cause issues. I’m sensitive to this because I spent years as the safety director for one of the largest BDSM organizations in the United States. I ran regular classes on safe play.

The reason my interest in safety gets jumbled up with my intense dislike of “shoulds” is that very often the use of that word accompanies potentially dangerous activities. One activity that Mrs. Lion and I engage in has drawn significant criticism by some of our readers. That activity is spanking. Every so often someone tells us that we are in an abusive relationship because Mrs. Lion beats me with a paddle. We don’t agree.

Spanking with a paddle is one of the safest pain-inducing activities you can try. As long as the target area is the lower half of the buttocks going down to the upper half of the thighs, it’s very difficult to do any lasting damage. The relatively broad face of a paddle prevents deep injury while creating a lot of discomfort. BDSM bottoms often refer to “sting” and “thud”. These sensations represent the range of spanking sensations.

Paddles are generally more sting than thud. The lighter-weight, broader-faced paddles have the most sting. Heavier paddles with smaller faces have less sting and some thud. I know that I am very unhappy with sting. All of Mrs. Lion’s paddles are quite stingy. Some are heavier with smaller faces and are capable of leaving lasting impressions.

In terms of physiology, the lighter, larger paddles make the skin red and generally don’t leave a long-lasting impression. Even one of those paddles, if used with enough force can create a bruise that will be felt for a day or two. Smaller striking implements, like canes, can leave deep, lasting impressions. It takes considerable practice to learn to use a cane safely. I strongly suggest limiting spankings to paddles. Hand-spankings generally have a lot of sting for both the spanker and her victim. That’s why Mrs. Lion uses a paddle for discipline.

The point of all this is to suggest that before following online instructions, it’s a very good idea to seriously think about the source. I would be very unlikely to take any advice from the pee lady. Her irresponsible instructions suggests that she probably has no real knowledge of the subject.

Every so often I go on a tear like this. I worry about our readers. Since Mrs. Lion and I practice disciplinary spanking, I know that some of our readers use us as a reference as to how they can take this practice on themselves. That’s fine. I try to be very careful about explaining where the risks lie. I also reference other bloggers who I know safely practice spanking. Some of them, and maybe us too, seem to go too far. That’s really in the eye…um…bottom of the receiver. I am absolutely fine with the severity of my spankings. I am prepared and encourage Mrs. Lion to go a bit further. Your experience may vary.

The entire point I am making is that just because you want to do what we do doesn’t mean you will do it with the same intensity. It’s taken us years to get to where we are now. Some of our readers, I know, endure much more severe beatings. Some get off with a much lighter application of the paddle. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that what you do works for you and is safe.


  1. What surprises me the most when I read blogs describing these disciplinary arrangements is that I rarely see any one talk about psychological or emotional difficulties that I would have expected to arise at least occasionally. I would think there would be occasional disagreements over severity, whether a spanking was warranted, resentment, and possibly some amount of “buyer’s remorse” on the part of guys who were attracted to DD due to a sexual interest, only to find out that it was not that happy an existence in reality.

    I did read one account of a guy who got punished on a particular day of the week (caned), and he couldn’t handle the severity of the punishment. He began to dread going home that day. The fear and dread became overwhelming, and he eventually refused a caning, and they stopped DD (at least for a while).

    Perhaps people just don’t share about that sort is thing, but I would have expected it to happen more often given the severity that guys write about and the seemingly large gulf between the fantasy and the reality of DD. The practice seems like it would be fraught with emotional and psychological hazards, but the blogs don’t corroborate that. Certainly, you have shown no indication of any such concerns.

    1. Author

      You are making a lot of assumptions. Those of us who are in DD relationships can occasionally feel some resentment or unfairness. I have to say that I have never felt that with Mrs. Lion. When it comes to severity, my experiences been that the disciplining partner is more likely to go easier than the disciplined husband wants. I think it’s very unusual for the reverse to be true.

      The simple fact is that I’m very grateful Mrs. Lion has taken on her role. I encourage her to step things up. I’ve never felt any of the things you describe. I believe that adult discipline, unlike disciplining children, is done by consent and there shouldn’t be any of the issues you describe.

  2. My Queen seldom spanks next with the severity you describe regularly. However on occasion she does. She is careful not to hit areas where real damage can occur. And on completion I often will (shortly thereafter) sport an erection. There is no erection during the punishment. I think my obvious excitement helps my Queen come to terms with the severity of the punishment. I would also note that these times are slowly becoming more frequent.
    I would also point out that we have been to a couple of spanking workshops. This was to ensure we wouldn’t cause serious problems.

    1. Author

      I’ve taught some of those workshops. Mrs. Lion knows all the safety rules and follows them religiously. I’ve encouraged her to keep all spankings at the same intensity. For me, at least, the intensity of a particular spanking doesn’t really send the message as to the seriousness of the offense. We use “sentences” of multiple spankings to indicate the seriousness of my wrongdoing. Repeating an offense invariably gets a longer sentence. For example, I forgot to remind Mrs. Lion that Saturday was punishment day. I’ve made this mistake several times. To help me learn, I will be getting four days of spanking. If that doesn’t work, I’m sure the next time I forget the number will be considerably higher. Since I know that each spanking is a painful affair that I will feel for a day or two, I take this seriously.

  3. Couldn’t help notice your concerns about the urine drinking. They assume that the urine drunk flows into the bloodstream of the person who drinks it and then must be cleaned by their kidneys.

    It doesn’t quite work like that. Molecules in the gut are extracted by a process known as active transport where they are grabbed and transferred across the membrane. This is even true of tiny water molecules.

    The body does not want urea and so simply does not absorb it. There has been various research into this
    over some decades.

    There is obviously a risk from gagging but not from stressing the kidneys.

    1. Author

      I have to disagree with you. Anything you consume that the body doesn’t want has to be excreted one way or another. My understanding is that urine, while nearly sterile, contains substances the kidney clears out of the body. It isn’t just urea. Even if the got filters the urea, it still has to go out somehow. Regardless of the processes you described, consuming urine while not dangerous in small quantities, offers some risks if too much is consumed. In my time as a BDSM safety director, I always suggest that people consume other people’s bodily fluids with great caution.

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