There are times when I wonder just what started me on the path I’m following now. I know that a lot of people think that “submission” is a genetic trait. I’ve been around long enough to know that it most likely isn’t. Obviously, wearing a chastity device and giving someone else the key is a submissive act. At the very least it’s handing over the responsibility of initiating sex.
In my case I think some very primal insecurities about rejection have a lot to do with why I am the way I am. I was always a shy, introverted kid. I was never very athletic. When I went away to summer camp, I was the kid who got picked last to be on a team. I spent my time in right field. I suspect this is behind some of my shyness with the opposite sex.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been aggressive when I feel welcomed. But making the first move was never my strong suit. Luckily for me, girls and women always approached me first. Once they opened the door, I was very happy to come in. Looking back on all this it seems pretty obvious that I’m a pretty good candidate for enforced male chastity.
Bear in mind that I’m not particularly submissive in any other respect. Oh yes, I love to bottom. This is a good opportunity to get some definitions out. The BDSM scene has two roles: top and bottom. The top (and there can be more than one top in a scene) provides sensation for the bottom. The top is in charge.
The bottom, by definition receives sensation. The bottom can be very active and provide sensations for the top as well. However, the sensations provided to the top are at his or her request. The sensations provided to the bottom do not require permission.
That doesn’t mean the top can do anything he or she wants to the bottom. Prior to a scene the top and bottom negotiate what will take place. The bottom sets limits for what he or she will accept. The top is expected to absolutely honor them. The bottom doesn’t necessarily know what’s going to happen once the scene begins. The top decides.
I spent most of my adult life as a top. I had a lot of fun. But like many tops, I wanted to bottom as well. As I have learned in recent years, my interest in sex is closely connected to bottoming. By the way, for the purposes of this conversation I consider being punished a form of bottoming. If I go for a long period of time without bottoming, my level of interest in any kind of sex falls off sharply. Spank my butt, and I’m hot to trot. Mrs. Lion knows that if I get apathetic about wanting to orgasm, all she has to do is spank me and I’m right back to normal.
Enforced chastity, at least to me, is a BDSM game. Yes, it has real consequences. Orgasms can be withheld from me indefinitely. The bottom line though is that I like this activity. It’s exciting for me to surrender sexual control. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for other guys.
In reality, enforced chastity is about sex, not withholding sex. It’s about increasing the desire for sex using the simple tool of the cage that holds the penis captive. The myth is the chastity device prevents sex. The hapless male loses his ability to ejaculate except when someone else decides he deserves it. The reality is our keyholders provide a kinky kind of foreplay that guarantees we’re hungry for sex almost all the time.
A lot of us, me included, spend a lot of time imagining that enforced chastity is a lifestyle. We attribute all sorts of profound changes to the control of our penises. There may be some other control going on, but I’m very sure it has little to nothing to do with whether or not our cocks are in a locked cage.
When I think back to the way Mrs. Lion and I evolved in our lifestyle, the chastity device and control of my orgasms provided a context for wider control. That wider control had absolutely nothing to do with my cock. Wearing the chastity device displayed my willingness to surrender control. Mrs. Lion understood this from the beginning. My chastity was never a tool used to control me in other areas.
When we started out, I was sure that wearing the chastity device was the reason I wanted Mrs. Lion to punish me when I broke rules and to be generally obedient to her. I considered enforced male chastity a lifestyle. I now know better. Our female lead relationship will go on whether or not we practice male chastity. Similarly, if we decide to stop the power exchange, it doesn’t have a thing to do with our enforced male chastity game.
I wanted to play this game because of my deep-seated shyness at initiating sex. Enforced male chastity took care of that problem. It also is great fun and I’m much happier for doing it. I’m even happier now that I understand just how it fits into our relationship.