With Blogs, Caveat Emptor

bloggers are like authors. they don't always tell the truth
The Web is full of stories that claim to be true. Reader beware!

There are a surprisingly large number of bloggers writing about enforced chastity and female led relationships and marriages (FLR). Two interesting sites aggregate various blogs and display links to their latest posts. They are Keyheld and Sheheld. I regularly check in there to see what people are writing. These blogs fall roughly into three categories: journals of experiences, fantasies, and instruction on how to do FLR or enforced chastity.

The journals are a mix of what seem to be accurate discussions of real life and fantasies couched as actual events. Of course, it is impossible to know exactly which are real, but a little common sense goes a long way in separating the wheat from the chaff. I’m not against fantasies, but a lot of readers are looking at our blogs for help on establishing real-life chastity and FLR.

The sites that annoy me are the ones that give “advice” on how to establish enforced chastity or a female led relationship that are clearly (to me) fantasies that have little hope of succeeding. Frequently these people write “guides” that they sell for very high prices. Often they use their own relationships to illustrate their advice. It lends an air of credibility.

What set me off was one post offering advice to women wanting to start a female led relationship. This advice, supposedly written by a woman, consisted of putting the male in a chastity device and then attaching a chain to it so he can be led around like a doggy. This might be a hot BDSM fantasy, but seriously, is this a change anyone is going to make for life? The writer, who claims to be female, goes on to say her husband is handcuffed if he is naughty or if she takes him out of the device. Show that article to your wife as a way of introducing her to enforced chastity and FLR. I’d love to hear the conversation that follows her reading. This particular post was so ungrammatical that either the guy who wrote it is functionally illiterate or English is not his first language.

The reason I get so upset at this is that men who have a serious interest in trying enforced chastity or FLR might think this stuff is real. The reason otherwise discriminating guys will fall for this crap is that they are so obsessed with the hot fantasies, they suspend disbelief long enough to show their partners these “guides”.

Let me offer a few guidelines that might be helpful when judging the authenticity of advice:

  • If the writer refers to herself as “Mistress xxx” she is either a guy or a woman who makes money dominating men. Often you will find books for sale or “professional” keyholder services on their sites as well. There’s nothing wrong with selling or buying these things. Just be aware that the person who is writing is doing it to make money by telling men things that turn them on.
  • If the writer gives a list of things a keyholder or female head of house must do, chances are very good it is a fantasy. Those of us real-life practitioners know that there are no rules everyone must follow. There is no minimum wait time, protocols, or things a guy has to do.
  • If the “story” seems too fantastic to believe, it probably is. Very few women invite their friends over to dominate their husbands. You get the point.
  • If you have to buy a book or pay money for help, be very sure it is authentic before wasting your money. There are too many sources of free information, like our blog, to make it necessary to pay for what you can easily get for free.
  • The blogger claims to be female and has penis or penis-in-chastity-device pictures. Not many women feel the need to publish penis shots. Some women do publish pictures of naked men submitting to a woman, but penis closeups? Nope.

I am not against blogs that are filled with fantasy and Fetlife adventures. They can be pretty hot. But it is important to understand that they are not real. If you want to introduce your partner to enforced chastity, understand that the more complex and sexual the introduction, the less likely she is to agree to try it.

It’s true that somewhere, someone is actually doing all those fantasy things. Some of those fantastic blogs may describe reality for someone. Who knows? What I know is that you aren’t going to be that lucky, at least in the beginning. Enforced male chastity and female led relationships evolve. They start with very small changes and over years can evolve into adventures that would rival fantasies.

There’s nothing wrong with reading and writing fantasies. I just wish people would label the fiction. I know they won’t. It’s up to you to decide what’s authentic and what is someone’s jerk off fantasy. Enjoy the wild Internet.


  1. Author

    I agree with most of these and it *really* annoys me that there’s so much fantasy stuff out there pretending to be real. I don’t even know why it annoys me, as I’m not even their target audience (I don’t have a penis). I think I just don’t like dishonesty. I particularly dislike guides where the end goal is to convince one partner to be ok with, or even want, chastity, despite their protest.

    Having said that…
    I’ve posted closeup pictures of Mr Kitty’s cock before and I’m still a woman! And I specifically included them for two reasons:

    1. I was asked by people who aren’t into chastity but wanted to know more about it.
    2. When we were getting into chastity, it was useful to see how chastity actually looks (see above).
    (Bonus reason: I like thinking about people seeing him exposed and vulnerable. Exhibitionism by proxy?)

    The fact that I’m a woman writing about chastity shouldn’t preclude me from posting pictures of a penis, just because it’s not attached to my own body. I don’t see how those pictures make my blog any less “real”.

    1. Author

      I agree that your penis pictures don’t disqualify your gender.:) I was referencing sites that feature penis pictures; I.e.: even the blogger’s avatar is his penis. I love reading your blog, Kitty With a Key and never thought you were a guy.

      Exhibitionism by proxy. Hmmm. That’s a hot idea!

      1. Author

        I suppose I would find it very suspicious if there were a lot of penis pictures in someone’s blog without an obvious reason for them to be there.
        I do wonder what a male blogger might get out of impersonating a female blogger. I know it happens but it’s so weird.

        Awh, thank you!

  2. Author

    I so wholeheartedly agree. There is so much fantasy out there and that was part of my hesitation with trying this. -1.5 found many sites he shared with me and some of them were ok. He stumbled upon yours and for once, it felt authentic. It is set apart from many. I appreciate how you both express the way things make you feel emotionally as well as physically. I’m the kind of person that is very analytical. I don’t do fake…with anything. I couldn’t do just fantasy. When we discovered your blog a realization hit us both that we could actually have a REAL flm and be successful. It took chastity away from being just a bdsm experience and it quickly became something we both love. Though -1.5 isn’t always locked up (circumstances prohibiting) there is still a sense of it for us. We’ve gotten a lot of ideas from sites, but this one is the MOST real and informative one yet. Mrs. Lion is amazing. She has allowed real and personal conversation and made me feel like I have someone in my corner that I can ask questions when I am unsure and get a REAL answer or guidance. You have done the same, and really given me perspective. Cudos to you both and THANK YOU for being real and sharing your experiences.

    1. Author

      Thank you so much for your comment. When we started this blog, one of my greatest hopes was to find others who were practicing enforced chastity and FLM. I dreamed we would share our experiences and learn from one another. For a long time it was mostly a one-way communication with Mrs. Lion and I sharing our lives and getting little feedback. More recently you have been commenting and chatting with Mrs. Lion. Some of the things you have done with -1.5 (I have to look carefully to get the “minus” sign :)) touched me. I wonder if my lioness was similarly inspired. (Every morning when I open my underwear drawer I wonder if I will be surprised)

      I’ve hoped we would find a community around this shared interest. Geographic diversity makes this very difficult. Even online it isn’t easy. I think it would be amazing to make some friends who also practice what we do. In any case, I look forward to hearing from both of you.

      1. Author

        I’ve considered starting a blog, too. We both journal daily, but I don’t know how long I could keep up with a blog too. It would be nice having friends that have the same interest. I may be surprised, but I am pretty sure the friends we have would think we were crazy so we keep it to ourselves.
        I thought it was HILARIOUS he referred to himself as -1.5!
        I found out rather quick that I took off at lighting speed and he was a few steps behind. I didn’t even expect it to be honest. I am full of questions and curiosities though!
        Ahhh, the panty drawer! Today, he’s caged AND in panties. Such a silly boy. I couldn’t resist!

  3. Author

    I read your blog every day (both entries), and occasionally forward salient entries to my wife also. I think one reason for the apparent imbalance between fantasy and real-life blogs is that those who are really living – or at least exploring – the lifestyle (either chastity or full-on FLM), are tending to do that rather than write about it. It’s most laudable that you’ve been so disciplined about posting every day – that is a daunting task indeed! Thank you both for creating such a valuable body of information.

    I do wish that there were more blogs of this quality, not because of any deficiency here, but because the experiences of other couples would provide a broader field of view. In our case, for example, we very much enjoy the chastity play, but we’re emphatically not a FLM, nor do I think we ever would be – neither of us wants that. Conversely, I’m sure that there are other couples – in fact I’ve met several – that are already firmly female-dominant, and I’m sure that male chastity would be a terrific addition for them. Hearing from others with their own particular slant would be good thing.

    Of course, you’ve already ferreted out a few good ones in your “Blogs We Follow” section; most of these are pretty fully in the fem-dom side, which likely reflects the Lions’ personal interests. If I had the slightest notion that I had the discipline that the Lions do, I’d put up one of our own (be part of the solution rather than the problem), but I’m afraid that’s quite a few projects down on the list…

    1. Author

      I’ve done lots of searching. Most blogs don’t last very long; especially FLM or male chasity ones. There are a few exceptions that manage to last, but they often drift into whatever current kink the writers are doing. We’ve done the same to some degree.

      The blogs we read section covers both enforced chastity and FLM. We have quite a few more blogs on that list, but they only appear if their last post was a month or less in the past. What you see on our list are those blogs that stay reasonably current.

      If you and your wife would like to write a guest post, we would certainly consider including it.

    2. Author

      Writing every day is sometimes daunting. Staring at the blank page for a while hoping the writer’s block will fade away. Even when Lion says he has nothing to write about, he always pulls something out of his sleeve. That’s impressive since he’s usually naked. ???? I’m not aware of any other chastity or femdom blog that writes every day. We’ve just hit upon what works for us.

      Thanks for peeking in our little window on the world.

  4. Author

    I too read your blog twice daily. I also appreciate the comments that others make in particular 1.5 and Mark. The reason is that they smack of authenticity! I recognize the fantasy and indeed enjoy some of it but the reality is so much more beguiling!

    1. Author

      Awe, thanks. I feel like I have so little to offer in respect of experience, but I’m appreciative of your interest in my comments. I LOVE authenticity. Without that, it’s just fantasy. Fantasy offers fantasy. Reality is so much more profound.

Comments are closed.