We’ve discussed the important changes I’ve experienced being locked up (Changing Male Nature, The Steel Marriage Counselor). Since Mrs. Lion and I agree that my being locked up assures we will maintain the improvements in our relationship, there is no way I will ever be permanently unlocked. That would suggest I need to be caged in order to sustain my good behavior. I don’t think that is the case at all. In fact it is probably the least important reason. Enforced chastity and the necessary activities it requires is responsible for our consistent efforts at maintaining and improving our physical relationship. Over a decade we have both shown that we would rather avoid difficult situations than confront them. Our sexual relationship is the victim of this flaw. We had a nearly perfect storm of mismatched sexual behaviors. I find it extremely difficult to initiate sex and Mrs. Lion would rather withdraw than initiate herself. This is compounded by Mrs. Lion’s lost libido.
Yesterday (The Steel Marriage Counselor), I explained how enforced chastity has allowed us to overcome this barrier. In her comment to the post, Mrs. Lion said that she thought we would revert back to our avoidance behavior if the cage came off for good. I agree with her. I suspect that this is a pretty unique reason for enforced chastity. All of the other stuff: power exchange, orgasm control, etc. still apply, but the reason we pursue this is to bring us closer. In my opinion, this is the best reason in the world to do it.
Enforced chastity is about orgasm control. Orgasm control is a consensual power exchange where the male surrenders all control of his sexual pleasure. The chastity device is hardware often associated with this control. Think of it as a practical wedding ring. Almost all discussion of enforced chastity is about what the male has to do, or more correctly, can’t do. But that is only the obvious stuff. If enforced chastity is going to work, the keyholder has to actively manage her caged male’s sexual pleasure. Simply locking him up and forgetting about it won’t work. Guys want sex. If they have to do something to get it, they will. So the keyholder can expect to be reminded of his needs on a regular basis. Of course too many reminders will annoy her and will result in longer waits, a spanking, or worse.
The point is that she has to be an active part of the process. Sexual pressure that the male feels, me in this case, will force even the most reluctant male to find ways to provoke some sexual stimulation. My hormones are guaranteed to not only keep me interested, but also to reach out to Mrs. Lion for relief. For her part, my keyholder Mrs. Lion, is fully aware that I am sexually at her mercy. I have no ability to masturbate or find any other sexual outlet. My sexual needs are very difficult to ignore. Mrs. Lion really loves me. She wasn’t consciously avoiding sex with me. She didn’t realize how bad things had gotten. The conversations around enforced chastity and the power exchange brought what we had been missing into sharp focus. It’s fair to say that initiating enforced chastity helped us both see something that we had been avoiding. Negotiating my lockup and how the power exchange would work brought my sexual needs into sharp focus. The activities that are part of our enforced chastity makes it impossible to forget the intimacy we have.
We agree that the changes we both love would not last if we unlocked me permanently. It’s not how long I wait between orgasms that drives our power exchange and new intimacy. It’s the fact that Mrs. Lion gets to decide; she’s the very active owner of our sex life. She knows she makes me happy with all this and that rewards her for the work.
There’s more at work than that. We have gradually increased the power transfer to her. I found myself wanting this and she accepted. In the beginning, Mrs. Lion supported enforced chastity because it makes me happy. Now, while she still likes that I am having fun, she likes the benefits she gets from the power exchange. She is happier. There are encouraging signs that her libido is returning. Enforced chastity is no longer all about me.
We continue to make progress. Mrs. Lion agreed to reach out to another keyholder and share experiences. That is a very big change for her. I think it will make a big difference when she no longer has to rely totally on me for power exchange information. She is also learning to feel good about telling/asking me to do things. That is very difficult for her. Next, as she has said, she wants to be more observant about my behavior and punish as needed. I have to work much harder at obedience and suppress my dominant side. We have work to do, but that’s OK. We both get so much from enforced chastity that it and FLM are for life.