It’s no secret that the vast majority of couples who try enforced chastity give it up a short time after starting. I suspect that a large number of those who quit are guys who find the inconvenience and discomfort a bad fitting device too much. It seems to me that another large portion are women who just can’t get into locking up their men.
I suspect that almost every woman who agrees to be her partner’s keyholder has issues with the power exchange enforced chastity represents. From my male perspective, having my penis locked up is a very sexy form of bondage. The cage forces me to wait until my keyholder decides I can ejaculate. Even after nearly three years in a cage, that idea is still hot to me.
The problem is that from a keyholder’s perspective, enforced chastity is not entirely about sex. It’s about power; possibly unwanted power. The key to the cage carries the weight of her male’s most intense pleasure. He expects her to use this power for more than sexual release.
A lot of guys say that all they want is the delayed ejaculation. I don’t believe that’s true. When we give up control of our penises, we are asking for far more than sexual control. Look at the fantasies. They all tell stories of men who, once locked up, become docile, obedient servants for their keyholders. Often the fantasies include punishments for bad behavior. These punishments include making the caged male wait longer for release. The key to the cage is power for the keyholder.
I doubt that many guys discuss this when they ask their partners to lock them up. They probably don’t realize the implications of their request when they make it. But it’s there just the same. It doesn’t take long for the keyholder to realize that this “game” is much more than scheduling their partners’ orgasms.
This realization is difficult for many women. Mrs. Lion never wanted to be the dominant partner in our marriage. She didn’t expect to control my behavior in any way. Instead, she accepted me and avoided any situation when she was unhappy with what I did. I don’t think this is unusual. It’s called “keeping the peace.”
Enforced chastity changes all that; at least it can. The problem is that when things started there was no expectation that the keyholder would become a maternal authority figure in the marriage. But that’s exactly what holding that key implies. The keyholder controls her man’s favorite toy. He wants her to withhold his pleasure until she feels he deserves to have it. Sounds like female authority to me.
With Mrs.Lion and I, as time went by it became clear that enforced chastity was the doorway into a female led relationship. Sexual control provided the path to a much wider power exchange. I’m not saying that this is inevitable for every couple who embarks on this adventure, but it is certainly a strong possibility.
Sexual control is, well, control. The only way enforced chastity isn’t a power exchange is when the male doesn’t care if he gets to have orgasms. That’s not too likely. If this power exchange isn’t discussed, or at least seriously considered by the keyholder, things can go wrong. The man can start feeling resentful without understanding why. His keyholder pulls back and does the very least she can in order to “keep him happy” with enforced chastity.
If, on the other hand, both partners discuss the power exchange and agree on how it should function, enforced chastity becomes a positive factor in their relationship. That’s what happened with us. At first it was a tool to assure that we were sexual with each other. It returned physical intimacy to our marriage.
At the same time the balance of power was shifting in our marriage. This shift wasn’t very welcome for Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t like to be in charge. She actively avoids situations where she is the boss. I’m the opposite. I am almost always the leader.
As we continued with enforced chastity, I found a sense of security and peace as I experienced Mrs. Lion’s control. She, on the other hand, wasn’t very happy with her new role. Over time she has become more comfortable and at least accepts that she is in charge. We both have to work actively to reinforce her authority and my obedience. It isn’t easy.
We do it because this change has a lot of value to both of us. I’ll discuss that in a future post. The point is that enforced chastity works for us because we communicated as we became aware of the implications of her sexual control. We’re moving beyond that now. Progress is slow and often difficult.
What’s so hard about enforced chastity? It isn’t the chastity device. It’s the serious power exchange that wearing one represents. Is it worth it for you? Good question.