Male Chastity Journal

Yesterday Lion was tired. I was too. We’ve both been dealing with stress. Some time ago he wrote a post that said life should never get in the way of play. I disagreed. Last night life did, in fact, get in the way of play.

My intent was to do anal play every night this week to get Lion ready for a session in his sling. The other night I did not do anal play. Last night I brought out the large Njoy butt plug to see if he could take it. However, after giving him his punishment swats for dropping ice cubes, it was apparent that Lion was not able to play. He didn’t fair very well with the punishment and also asked if we could wait a while. He was feeling a little off. I knew he was concerned about taking the larger butt plug, but there was something else in his voice.

While it’s certainly not necessary for him to enjoy the play, it’s quite another thing for him to have trouble taking it. I knew if I pushed him it would not go well. He said he understood that whatever activity I had in mind would be magnified today but he just couldn’t do it. Now, if I were to play the “I’m the boss and you’ll do what I say” card as our commenter suggested yesterday, I would have definitely gotten the larger butt plug in him, spanked him and probably teased him. But to what end? He would have been miserable. I would have felt bad that he felt miserable. Sometimes to move forward you need to take a step back.

Am I mad at Lion for not wanting to play last night? Why would I be mad? Ultimately we’re playing because he wants to play. He was not being a toddler and refusing to play because he just didn’t feel like it. Something was off. As the person in power, it is my responsibility to make sure Lion is safe and well cared for. Part of that is listening to him. Trust me. When he asks not to play, there’s a reason for it.

We’ll try again today. He may or may not feel like it. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I’m almost positive he will want his orgasm tomorrow night. There have been a few times when illness has delayed his scheduled release. But I’m confident he’ll be ready tomorrow. He’s been ready for days. However, if he asks to wait, I will make the decision with his input.

Yesterday, we received a comment from a reader. Usually, if needed, one of us responds to the comment and we move on. But this time I found this particular comment disturbing.  This person was responding to Mrs. Lion’s post where she discussed her decision to tease me the day after some unscheduled anal play. Mrs. Lion mentioned that we had a deal where she would provide some stimulation every other day. My lioness wondered if the deal applied the day after that unscheduled play.  Here’s what the writer said:

What I find confounding here is this deal that was made. theoretically Mrs. lion can change the terms of the deal at any time if she’s truly in charge and Mr. lion is not topping from the bottom. why is it so difficult for Mrs. Lion to merely announce what she would like to do in terms of playtime. it seems she is overly concerned with pleasing the submissive which makes me wonder who’s really in charge here.

This comment is troublesome because it reveals a very Internet view of power exchange. In the fictional world of Internet BDSM, “subs” are totally at the mercy of “doms” who can arbitrarily choose to do or not do anything at any time. In this fantasy world, there is no dialogue between the “dom” and “sub”, just blind obedience.

The commenter implies that my relationship with Mrs. Lion isn’t really a power exchange because my dear wife and keyholder chooses to take my feelings into account when she decides what to do. Since she doesn’t just make arbitrary decisions, the implication is that she can’t be a real “dom”. Or, perhaps, I am topping from the bottom.

It’s stuff like this that prevents people from even starting to enjoy power exchange. In the real world, tops and bottoms negotiate. They discuss limits and preferences. Good tops always listen carefully and try to take into account what the bottom likes and wants. BDSM is a game played by two.

So where is the power exchange, our comment seems to ask. The answer is much more subtle than the Internet fantasy. First, Mrs. Lion has the absolute last word. If it is my scheduled tease day and she decides to skip it, she will. Do I have a right to ask about it? Yes, of course I do. We are in a relationship that is much more than power exchange. Do I have a right to object, beg, and whine? I can, but at my own peril. Such behavior has resulted in reactions that were very unpleasant.

More subtly, Internet D&S never gets here, Mrs. Lion is using my feedback to better learn how to top me. On the Internet, “subs” always have to adapt to whatever the “top” wants. In the real world, the top wants the bottom to both enjoy and be trained by her actions. A good top, like Mrs. Lion, wants to train her bottom to want, even crave, her control. She wants to make him happy within the limits she defines. I learn obedience  through a combination of reward and punishment. I learn to handle the frustration of teasing and then waiting days for orgasm through smart training that makes the teasing fun for me.

The point is that being a keyholder, top, “dom”, or whatever isn’t a simple decision to order some poor soul around. It is a delicate application of reward and punishment that molds the bottom into the image she desires. As Mrs. Lion said in her response,

“It’s my brand of being in charge. I’m still learning how to flex my muscle. However, Lion is well aware of who rules the den.”

Lion asked if he was going to get teased last night. Our deal is play every other night. I assumed since I had pegged him and spanked him the night before that counted as play and technically I didn’t need to play with him last night. My original plan was to plug him again to get him ready for more pegging this weekend, but we were both tired. But he did bring up a good point. If I am scheduled to play with him on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, etc. of a given week, but I also play with him on Thursday, does that mean I can skip Friday? My thought was that A) it was any play, whether it was spanking, bondage, teasing, etc.; and B) the play had to be at least every other day, but if I did three days in a row I could still skip one day even if it was normally a scheduled day. Perhaps it seems like nit-picking but it’s important to make sure we are both on the same page. It would be very easy for me to assume one thing and for him to assume another and I would think I’m meeting his expectations, but he thinks I’m falling short. So we’ll need to clarify that going forward.

I was very tired, even falling asleep watching tv at one point, but when it was clear that he assumed it was a play night I decided to tease him. He’s been very horny so he was erect almost immediately. I was able to edge him quite a few times. I got him closer than ever a few times. And then I went a stroke too far. I don’t think it was a complete ruined orgasm. There wasn’t a huge amount of ejaculate. But it was more than pre-cum. For whatever reason I didn’t feel bad afterwards. Usually I feel like a failed him and made it worse for him. More than a teasing but less than a full fledged orgasm. I think it may have been because he didn’t feel bad afterwards. Usually it seems painful for him. He seems visibly frustrated. That didn’t happen last night. He seemed fine. I’m not sure if it cured his horniness at all.

He still has two days to wait and my intent is to keep up the pressure until Monday night. Bondage, spanking, pegging, teasing. Poor Lion will absolutely need to come by the time I’m done with him. At least that’s the plan.