When It Stops Being Fun
Up until now these nightly edgings have been fun. I assumed at some point Lion would beg for release and I would give it to him. Last night, as we went to bed, he said he was frustrated and not in a good mood. I know it will pass. I know he’ll be ready for another round of teasing tonight. I know it’s not supposed to be all fun and games for him. Orgasms are fun. Being made to wait is not fun. Being reminded nightly that you’re not allowed to come is not fun. And my perception that it’s not fun, and therefore not worth it, is not fun.
Now, I’m sure if you ask Lion he’ll just say last night was a momentary setback and he’s trying not to grumble. He loves being teased. He loves being denied. At some level he loves everything I do to him. But his mood affects me usually more than it affects him. Huh? How is that possible? When he’s down, I worry about him. I feel bad about whatever is bothering him and the fact that I can’t make it better. When he’s frustrated I feel bad that I am the reason he didn’t get an orgasm. Why didn’t I just give him the orgasm? Well, he doesn’t really want me to. But that doesn’t stop me from arguing with myself about it. (I may be crazy. My mother never had me tested.)
I’ve been doing better at telling Lion (and myself) that I am doing these things because he wants me to do them. Every night when I am done edging him I tell him it’s my job to be mean to him. He knows. He understands. He agrees. And, yes, I tell him not only so he hears it, but I hear it too. We are both on the same page. I heard me say it. Did you hear me say it? Yes. Good. It’s really more reinforcement for me than for him.
Tonight I’ll edge him again. And again. I lose track of how many times I do it. He can’t count past the first two. Poor Lion. The blood flow travels from his brain to Mr. Weenie and he loses all ability to think. I do wonder if his limited brain power at that point is having its own conversation. “Please let me come. Please let me come. I don’t want to come. Please don’t make me come. Are you crazy? Of course I want to come! Damn it! I didn’t get to come. Can we play again tomorrow?”
Sex Without Orgasm
From my recent reading, there are a number of guys wearing chastity devices who are disappointed if their keyholders give them orgasms. Depending of which person’s blog you read, they prefer the arousal they get when giving orgasms to their keyholders or getting non-orgasmic teasing. A decent majority of them dislike being unlocked from their devices. This feels to me like a chicken-egg situation. Did they learn to avoid orgasm after being locked up, or did they not like coming and found enforced chastity a way to institutionalize this dislike?
Judging purely from my own experiences with Mrs. Lion, I’m leaning toward believing that enforced chastity can condition guys to prefer non-orgasmic sexual activity. As Mrs. Lion has been reporting, she has been edging me several times each night for the last six nights. I’m really enjoying this activity. I love the attention and after the first time she gets me to the very brink of ejaculation, I lose track of everything and just focus on the amazing arousal. These sensations are addictive. I love every bit of it.
Mrs. Lion has been experimenting with different techniques. She gets me to the edge the first time masturbating me just the way I like. After that, she has been doing very light touches to that super sensitive spot just under the head, continuing until I am ready to ejaculate. Another technique is very slow strokes, maddening exciting, and then when I feel close but sure she won’t let me come, she speeds up like she is determined to get me off. My hopes rise. I am ready to squirt. She stops. No! I did a rough back-of-the-envelope calculation. Before this daily edging, I was brought to the edge 15-20 times for each actual orgasm. Daily edging will more than double this. This is exponentially more sex than I have had in decades.
Not all enforced chastity involves sex, at least not much of it. Some guys are locked up for weeks or months without the device being removed. Sexual stimulation is extremely rare. All of the sexual energy is focused on the keyholder. This is less chastity and more abstinence. That’s not my situation at all. My lioness has expressed an interest in continuing the daily edging and delaying release longer than usual. My typical wait is between five days and eleven days. Occasionally, it is as few as three or as much as twenty.
I wonder how I will feel after I finally get release. Will I feel disappointed because the super horny state will be gone for a while? Will I feel sad that a lot of time will pass before my next release? Prior to this much more intense teasing, I haven’t been depressed after orgasm. I feel relaxed and happy. But I wasn’t this horny before, not even close.
What if while she edges me, Mrs. Lion tells me that it will be at least another week before release and that I will be teased every night? Will that feel good or bad? I suspect that it will make my need even more intense. Is that good for me? This is very new territory. What if teasing frequency increases further; more edging, more announcements of my fate. I don’t know. I do know that I don’t want to reach the point that I dread an orgasm. I think that my health, mental and sexual, depends of a reasonable number of ejaculations. But I could be wrong.
Endurance
Last night marked the fifth night in a row that I’ve edged Lion. I think he’s hornier than ever. I know he wants to come, but does he really want to come? It’s become a game now. I think if I give him an orgasm he might get upset. How will he know how long he can endure the nightly teasing if I never take him to his breaking point? It’s actually an endurance test for both of us. How long can I keep myself from giving him an orgasm? How long can he keep from begging for one? How long can I keep up the nightly edging?
So far my interest in keeping Lion horny is high. I know it will wane over time. In the back of my mind I know there is a scheduled date out there that will end his horniness, if only for a day. Do I go past that date if he doesn’t want an orgasm at that point? Do I give him the scheduled orgasm and resume nightly teasing? Do I reserve nightly teasing for a reward? I’m not sure. I know it’s not something that’s sustainable for very long. It, like the nightly orgasms of a year ago, will become too much.
The other question on my mind is about maintenance spanking. When we first started domestic discipline I gave Lion swats every night. It was just to get us accustomed to things. It worked out well. Lion learned how to take hard swats. I learned how to give hard swats. And off we went. Lion has had a few weeks of no punishable offenses. I think that’s a good thing. Apparently not. He wants maintenance swats. Is that so he doesn’t forget how to take the hard swats? I know he wants to feel my power. I know I don’t find enough things wrong to fill up his dance card. I just don’t know if random swats are the answer. I do know that we’ll probably start them in a few days. After all, it doesn’t have to makes sense to me.
[Lion — No, having an orgasm will not upset me. I also won’t argue if I don’t. You have made good points. I am not sure I want maintenance spankings. I just remember how somewhat artificial routines were able to train us.]
Maintenance Spanking
Maintenance Spanking sure sounds like an oxymoron to me. What does beating my butt maintain? It’s not as silly as it sounds. As I have read about it, maintenance spanking has two functions: it reminds the spankee of his submissive role, and perhaps more important, it reminds the dominant of her role. It also, interestingly, provides important communication. Of course, the concept of being hurt without any specific reason.
I know that when I read about this, I found the idea unpleasant. After all, Mrs. Lion’s disciplinary spankings are very painful. She always delivers them with cool authority. They hurt and she expects them to hurt a lot. Each time I get one, it is for one or more misses on my part. It’s earned retribution. It’s true that when we first started FLM, she spanked me every night for a week. She did this to help herself learn that it was OK to inflict pain that way. It was a necessary self-training exercise for her. It didn’t make it hurt less to know that, but I had to agree it was a worthy purpose. Ultimately, it helps her be better in her role.
According to my reading, some couples who practice domestic discipline believe that frequent physical reminders of the power balance are needed to keep the surrendered husband under control. This is the FLM equivalent of making men practicing enforced chastity wait very long times between orgasms; it keeps them submissive and obedient. The theory there is that for days after an orgasm, a male will be lazy and uninterested in serving his keyholder. I don’t feel any less willing to serve Mrs. Lion an hour after I come than I do after waiting for two weeks. If there are guys whose docility is affected by getting to ejaculate, then they certainly should be given very infrequent orgasms.
I think it is different with domestic discipline; at least during the first year or two. Very few women will instinctively reach for a paddle and spank their husbands if they break a rule or fail to keep a promise. Yet, the root of domestic discipline is for the surrendered husband to be disciplined severely after any infraction. Mrs. Lion is nowhere near that point with me. That change will take time; a lot of it. After all, it took her many months to get comfortable with frustrating me day after day. It’s not easy for her at all. Disciplining me is ever harder.
To be fair, I am not accustomed to accepting punishment without question. It is easier for me. All I have to do is present my bare bottom. I do try to escape after a few swats. That is certainly unacceptable behavior. There are only two ways we can improve our disciplinary roles: Either I have to have many more opportunities to mess up so that Mrs. Lion has a reason on every punishment day to discipline me, or we have scheduled maintenance spankings with their own rules.
As I see it, I have to be trained to lie still for a very painful spanking, not try to roll over or squirm away. Mrs. Lion has to learn to be ruthless and to spank hard and fast regardless of my displeasure. Both will take a lot of practice. We have to avoid confusing maintenance spanking with discipline. In the case of discipline, Mrs. Lion will tie me down in order to keep me in place for my full punishment. That will get much more painful as she learns to feel good about administering it. Maintenance spankings are a learning experience. My thought, which I know I will regret if Mrs. Lion does it, is that she has me assume the spanking position and administers a number of punishment swats. I have to hold still. If I don’t, she tells me that she is starting again and she does. This repetition continues until I learn to hold still. In the first sessions, I would hope we would start with a fairly small number of swats. Over time the number increase as does the speed they are administered.
To avoid confusing discipline with maintenance, I think we should do maintenance on a different night. If punishment is Monday and Thursday, maybe maintenance is Wednesday and Saturday. That is up to Mrs. Lion. Like many things about FLM, the concepts seem odd and not applicable to us. But as I think about them more, I realize they would help us too.
