Use It Or Lose It
There’s a commonly held belief that if you don’t have frequent orgasms, you will lose your desire to have them at all. For people living alone, that suggests regular masturbation is needed to keep the machine running. I always subscribed to that theory. But then, what does it mean to be locked in male chastity. Are forced waits diminishing the male’s capacity for sex?
According to Web MD, male loss of libido is far less frequent than it is for women:
“Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many women. “But when men lose interest in sex it scares them more than women — their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality that it is very threatening,” says Esther Perel, a couples therapist in New York city and author of Mating in Captivity.”
Apparently the fear of loss of libido is the most serious issue. According to the article, enforced withholding of orgasm is not a cause. That surprised me. My long-held belief about use it or lose it, has no real basis in science. That’s really good news to guys who have long waits between orgasms. Any concern of mine has to be rooted in psychological and physical issues created by my surgery. Like typical males, this disturbance in my sexual force field is causing me considerable concern.
It doesn’t help to say, “Don’t worry. It will pass.” When Mrs. Lion attempts to arouse me and nothing happens, I get very worried. That’s been happening a lot lately. Fortunately, there are days when my penis responds. But the number of those days is very small compared to my pre-surgical interest. It could be that my anxiety is exacerbating my loss of erection. Whatever the cause, my current state make my chastity device irrelevant.
Fortunately, I can get aroused after several days wait and a lot of concentration. A boner pill or application of the Magic Wand can reliably get me hard at any time Mrs. Lion wants. My lack of semen production does nothing to cheer me up. Maybe it’s time to lock her weenie up and throw away the key for a while. At least then I won’t have to think about my current problem. After all, I can’t get hard if that’s on. Maybe this is a new use of enforced chastity: allowing me to believe there is no problem since I am physically unable to get hard on my own.
I’ll rely on Mrs. Lion to help me. She, after all, controls all sexual access. I’m not copping out. I just don’t know what else I can do. After all, I’m not allowed to stimulate myself. Self-therapy is not allowed.
Change Of Venue
It’s been very sunny around here lately. That’s a welcome change. It makes me think of summer and traveling. We only have three trips planned this summer. Normally we’d be gone almost every other weekend. We backed off this year because of Lion’s job. He’ll be traveling enough without going camping. The thing is, right now, a camping trip seems to be something that would signal more normalcy.
I was thinking about it yesterday and into today. Lion won’t be able to do most of the things he normally does to set the camper up once we get to our destination, but the act of camping would still be a normal summer thing we do. Maybe that’s why I half-jokingly suggested we set up the lawn chairs near the camper in the yard to sit in the sun. It’s just a change of venue.
For whatever reason, I did much better with the long list of tasks I had to do this weekend. We went shopping both days and I wasn’t overwhelmed at all with putting things away and cleaning up. I even managed to put away things leftover from previous shopping trips. Yes, the house has gotten fairly cluttered. I decided to chip away at it yesterday.
Last night I made sure the iPad was away for most of the night. Lion and I snuggled for a bit. I massaged my weenie and balls. It’s not that I didn’t expect a sexual response from Lion, but I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t get one. He moaned and said it felt good. That’s really all that mattered to me. I knew he was tired, in some pain, and his tummy was off. That’s a triple play that suggests no fun will be had. He’s also worried we won’t get back to our pre-surgery sex life. Worry never bodes well for excitement.
I’m not giving up though. Tonight we’ll snuggle again. If something happens, it happens. If not, we’ll try again the next night. Rinse and repeat. As long as I’m not bothering Lion with all my snuggling and fondling, I’ll keep at it.
Still Treading Water
I was told that recovery from shoulder surgery was slow and painful. Yes it is. Now I am in my sixth week since the operation. Most of the pain is gone and I have some range of motion for my arm. It will be at least another five months before I can lift more than a couple of pounds. Mrs. Lion is taking up the slack. She keeps telling me that she is in it for the long haul. I appreciate that.
What’s bothering me the most is that my energy is embarrassingly low. I can’t walk very far without tiring and I fall asleep unexpectedly when in a comfortable position. Worse, sleeping through the night is a distant memory. That’s what bothers me the most. The cherry on this misery sundae is my loss of semen and inability to get back to our former FLR and domestic discipline.
I long for the good old days of seven weeks ago. While my preoperative shoulder was very painful much of the time, everything else about my life was normal. Now my shoulder hurts only some of the time, but everything else has gone to hell. I made a crappy trade.
This cloud has a bit of a silver lining: Mrs. Lion is much more directive than ever before in our relationship. She’s been taking charge some of the time. I don’t always appreciate it, like when I’m driving. But, in general, I think it is movement in the right direction. She hasn’t been able to bring 2.0 out. I’m not strong enough for her.
Will we ever return to our power exchange? I hope so, but it isn’t a given. It took us three years to get up to speed, and even then we had a way to go. I know Mrs. Lion wants it as much as I do. I think we have to talk about how we can keep progressing while I recover from the surgery. I’m confident that it’s possible. If you can help with suggestions, please tell us.
We need to rethink domestic discipline in the face of my recovery. I reminded Mrs. Lion that I don’t need energy to be spanked. On the other hand, she doesn’t want to hit a lion when he is down. I get it and agree. It may not be about punishment at all. That’s why I think we need some new perspectives.
Enforced chastity is much easier. I won’t masturbate even though I am not in a chastity device. Not wearing mine is similar to me having to take off my wedding ring for a while because of an injury. Well, not quite the same. While unlocked I can have erections. That’s impossible when I am caged. I won’t be able to wear mine for a while. When it is on, I have to pee sitting down unless I have a urinal available. Sitting and rising from the toilet are difficult for me. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to have me do that more than necessary.
I’m definitely getting better. Food tastes good to me again. I don’t have to take narcotic drugs. My shoulder hurts less and less. But my energy isn’t there. Mrs. Lion suggested that being in bed for a month may have a lot to do with it. It also can be that I don’t bounce back like I did when I was younger.
We are still as in love as ever. Expressing it has become more challenging.
Boredom Therapy
Lion and I were talking about how things are shaping up since his surgery. Physically he’s doing well. He’s increasing his range of motion and this weekend I suggested he drive more to see how well he’ll fair in rush hour, city traffic. Emotionally/sexually, he doesn’t think he’s doing as well. He still says, from time to time, that he shouldn’t have done the surgery. And he’s worried about the lack of semen production.
Yesterday, when I said I had no idea what to write in a post, Lion said he was boring me so there was nothing to write about. At another point he asked if I thought we were doing okay where we were in terms of adding discipline and chastity back into our lives after his surgery. I thought we were doing well. Lion didn’t really think so. Last night, he was out of the room and I picked up my iPad. When he came back into the room, I was at the end of my task (just waiting for things to finish) but not before he said he must be the most boring person on earth if I’m always on my iPad. I put it down, moved to snuggle, and he fell asleep.
In Lion’s defense, we’d run some errands at both a shopping center and Costco. That’s a lot of walking when you’re not used to it. And remember, sometimes a trip to Costco wipes me out too. In my defense, I’ve gotten back into the habit of having my nose in the iPad since he had surgery. While he slept and recuperated, I played games. I’m trying to break that habit again.
I’m not sure if the Lion-is-boring feeling comes from my iPad usage, his feelings of not helping me because he’s still recovering, or from the lack of ejaculation. Maybe a combination. Maybe something else added in there. I’ve been trying to take my cues from Lion. If he’s snoozing a lot, I assume he’s tired and there will be no play tonight. If he’s in pain, I assume there will be no play tonight. Perhaps the assumptions are incorrect. Either I need to tell him we’re playing or I need to ask if he wants to play.
So what’s the problem with that? Well, if I ask, then he could say he’s not running the show so I should decide. And if I tell him we’re playing, it puts pressure on him to do something if he’s not able to do it at that point in time. Lose-lose. There is another option. We can snuggle and see how things turn out. Although, there have been times we’ve been snuggling and I’m just absently playing with my weenie, but he’s not getting hard and Lion will apologize for not being in the mood. There’s no need to apologize. I’m just testing the waters. If Mr. Weenie wants to come out and play, he will. If not, I hope it just feels good that I’m fondling him. I don’t want to annoy Lion by touching him.
Most of all, I don’t want to add to Lion’s stress level. He’s worried about helping me. He’s worried about things at work. He’s worried about sex. He’s worried about recovering. I want to be the stress reliever. As I told him yesterday, I don’t mind helping him. I helped him before surgery. I’m helping him now. I’ll help him after he’s fully recovered. He helps me whenever he can, too. We make a pretty good team.
