Power Exchange (Page 4)

Lion is having issues with our power exchange again. He thinks he’s controlling things more than I am. Several weeks ago he asked how I determine when he gets an orgasm. I told him, jokingly, that he can have one whenever he wants. I thought I addressed that in an earlier post but this morning’s post shows I didn’t address it well enough. So when does Lion get an orgasm?

Indirectly it is up to him. I can’t give him one if he doesn’t respond to my attempts to get him hard and keep him there. He can tell me he’s horny but, more often than not, that actually keeps him from having an orgasm. If your child keeps telling you how much they want a particular toy, you aren’t very motivated to go get him that toy. On the other hand, if he produces pre-cum and I want more of a taste, he just might get that orgasm. Sometimes he gets one when he bucks against my hand or mouth. Sometimes he doesn’t. I like when he seems desperate to have an orgasm but if I edge him enough times, he can seem desperate before I’m ready to give him one. I try to keep the calendar in mind. I’m not as attuned to it as Lion is, but I try to figure out how long his wait has been. Am I going for a certain length of time? Not necessarily. It’s possible that he can meet all my (changing) criteria after four days. Other times it may not happen for sixteen days.

There’s really no rhyme or reason to when he gets an orgasm. I think Lion likes the unknown in that respect. Each time can be the time. Of course, an orgasm can always just happen if I go too far and I don’t want to give him a ruined orgasm. I can start out the festivities thinking he’ll be waiting a few more days and decide to give him one. It’s a nice surprise for both of us.

Now on to the other issue in Lion’s post. Are we just in a series of BDSM scenes or is this a real power exchange or FLR? For the past several weeks we’ve both been feeling under the weather. We’ve gone on and on about it and I’m sure you just want us to shut up. Me too. I’m tired of being tired. When I’m tired I don’t want to make decisions for myself, much less anyone else. I find myself standing in the kitchen in the morning not caring if we eat the same cereal all week. I don’t even care if we eat that same cereal for dinner.

If Lion isn’t feeling well I’m certainly not going to tell him I’m going to peg him whether he wants me to or not. There were days we didn’t snuggle because he couldn’t stand to be touched. Sometimes things just have to be put on hold until health allows things to return to normal. The good news is that we seem to be getting better. I’m less achy. Lion is a little less itchy. These things take time.

Am I giving up on power exchange? No. Do I think we need to bring the cage back in order to have a power exchange? No. We need a run of good health to get back.

It’s difficult to be in charge when the person you’re in charge of is uncomfortable from allergies. I suggested playing Zapardy! last night but Lion had to take his contacts out to use allergy drops. It might have been fun for me to zap him for not getting the right answers but not so much fun for him since he couldn’t read the questions. Actually he did pretty well just listening to the questions as they were read. But it wouldn’t have been fair.

I can hear you screaming, “It doesn’t have to be fair! You’re in charge. You can do what you want.” That’s true to some extent. But then wouldn’t it be like kicking a guy when he’s down?

Consider this: if Lion was paying me to whomp his butt or torture his balls, wouldn’t he cancel the session if his allergies were bothering him? And I’m not some disconnected professional who can turn her emotions off when it comes to Lion. I’m not saying a professional doesn’t care about the well-being of her clients. I’m saying she doesn’t love them.

As much as Lion wants me to be in charge and make him suffer at times, he doesn’t want me to be totally disconnected from him. Even if things were “equal” (in that I got something out of the deal like orgasms and a whimpering slave boy who cleaned the kitchen floor with a toothbrush) I wouldn’t push him if he wasn’t feeling well.

For the record, I don’t want a whimpering slave boy to do anything. And even though I don’t get any orgasms out of the deal, I don’t consider Lion a chore. I don’t even consider things uneven. Lion may at times, but I don’t. Lion worries I’ll find someone who can do more things for me. If I left, I’d be missing my heart that firmly belongs to Lion.

Yup. That got all mushy at the end. I tend to get that way when I think about what Lion means to me. Sex or no sex, he’s stuck with me. We’re stuck with each other. And neither of us want that to change.

Lion left out one fairly important fact from our day out. I ordered for him at the Chinese restaurant. Admittedly, I didn’t necessarily intend to order for him. That is, I started with the appetizer, ordered my own food and, as an afterthought, added his order. I wasn’t a premeditated act. I just decided, what the heck. Why not?

I’m sure that detracts from the power of it quite a bit. I didn’t do it to be powerful. I did it because I know Lion likes when I do it. There was no conscious effort to throw my weight around. It was an easy order so I just did it. Had there been something specific about it like hold the carrots or add more celery, I might have left him to his own devices. I am new to this whole ordering for the table thing. I’m taking baby steps like I do with everything else. Who knows? Maybe it will become one of the things that sneaks up on us, as Lion wrote in his post this morning. The point is, Lion is never sure when I’ll pop my head out of the sand and do something. For that matter, I’m not either. I surprise myself as much as I surprise Lion when it happens.

According to my watch, we walked about four miles at the fair. That’s a lot for sedentary folks. And, although we bought fudge, we didn’t gorge ourselves on fair food. We each had a bratwurst. Lion had an ear of corn. And we shared a Dole whip. I was tempted to buy cotton candy because that just seems to me to be a fair tradition, but I didn’t. No fried Twinkies or elephant ears. No scones because I don’t really like scones and I don’t understand why the lines are so long when you can buy the same mix in the store and make your own. People were carrying around shopping bags full of scones to take home. I guess you have to in order to justify standing on line for at least an hour.

We had fun though. Lion deserves some sort of prize for putting up with my coworker and I. Separately we can be a bit much. Together we are insane.