Orgasm denial (Page 32)

My latest trip had me out of the chastity device for about a week. Now that I am home I am safely locked away. The thing is that during the entire time I was wild and away from home, I had absolutely no interest in sexual touching or masturbating. Mrs. Lion commented that I really don’t need the cage to abstain. She’s right. Nearly three years locked in a chastity device has conditioned me to leave all sexual stimulation to my lioness.

The thing about conditioning is that it’s involuntary. I didn’t decide I wouldn’t want to get aroused. I just don’t. Surrendering my sexuality to Mrs. Lion was a decision. Now, three years later, it’s just the way I am. I can’t help it. I wonder if over time, if I am wild and not encouraged to keep my hands to myself, if the conditioning will wear off and I will be able to self-stimulate and even come. I suspect that would happen with some effort after a while. Of course, it won’t. It;s her penis now and all I do is wear it.

I’m famous for jumping into things with all four paws. Enforced chastity was no exception. Truth be told, I never imagined that I would actually lose my ability to get myself hard. That was inconceivable to me. Now that it happened, I am not exactly delighted.

Our enforced chastity and female led relationship are both consensual. We’ve agreed to the power exchange. So it isn’t a problem that my ability to play with myself is gone. But, it feels odd to me because sexual control no longer has to be consensual. I can demand to stop wearing a chastity device and subjecting myself to orgasm control. If Mrs. Lion agreed to this demand (very unlikely), I would still be unable to masturbate. I just can’t.

The chastity device makes sexual activity impossible while I wear it. But when it’s off, then so is its control. Ha! No matter how I feel about it, she holds the reins. Now that’s control. It doesn’t mean that I don’t get erections. I do. Most often they are of the early morning wood variety. Now and then when I read or write something that excites me, I will get a spontaneous erection. But it doesn’t encourage me to help it along. It’s just like the early morning wood.

Even though the device isn’t necessary for sexual control, I think we both need it anyway. My sense is that the more time I am locked up, the better our physical and sexual relationship becomes. That’s one reason I am trying to get a properly fitting no-metallic cage. Mrs. Lion may never send me on a business trip wearing it, but it’s an option. The cage has moved from actual control to an exciting symbol of her control.

Recently, she has been locking me up immediately after she is done edging me or giving me an orgasm. I like that. It puts my orgasm denial in a context that feels better to me than my unconscious conditioning.

Orgasm denial is the main result of enforced chastity. Once locked on, the chastity device prevents unauthorized sexual activity, obviously including orgasm. Generally, the device is removed for non orgasmic sexual activities. These activities can include intercourse without ejaculation, or stimulation to the edge of orgasm. Mrs. Lion edges me almost every night. These activities serve to keep me horny and very aware that I want to come. That’s why she does them, of course. For the guys who provide penetration without ejaculation, it is essentially the same thing. The difference is that they usually have to stop the action themselves before it is too late.

Some keyholders train their males to ejaculate only when they have permission. Some guys have learned to take strong stimulation for extended periods of time without actually coming. It isn’t easy to learn, but it is possible with lots of practice. Others, like Mrs. Lion, want the male to try to come each time he is stimulated. The keyholder will stop stimulation just short of ejaculation. The result of both methods is the same: the male orgasm is controlled by the keyholder.

The two flavors of orgasm control, while sharing the same outcome, are very different in the way they affect the male. The “trained” male knows he isn’t allowed to come without permission and so he works very hard to keep that orgasm at bay. He is actively preventing his own release. In my view, this is a very submissive action. The male is sacrificing his orgasm to please his keyholder. He is an active partner to his own denial.

In the other case, the male isn’t a participant at all. He is encouraged to try to come every time he is stimulated. The keyholder stops stimulation just before he can actually come. While he has surrendered control to his keyholder, he doesn’t try to please her by preventing his orgasm. She is asserting her power by skillfully getting him to the very brink and then enjoys watching him when he realizes he just won’t get enough stimulation to get over the top.

Both are exercises in control. One requires active submission, the other prior agreement he surrenders control. Mrs. Lion likes the second exercise. I do too. I am not an active submissive. I do submit since I live in a chastity device. But, I try to have an orgasm every time I am stimulated. Mrs. Lion considers it her mistake if I ejaculate when she didn’t intend to take me that far.

I never know if when she starts stimulating my penis, whether this will be the time I finally get to come. I don’t know until that last second when I am humping her hand and she lets go. I know I am not permitted to touch myself. All I can do is groan and hope that the next time she stimulates me, I will get over the top. That’s the way she plays the game.

I brought up the idea of being trained not to come without permission. Mrs. Lion didn’t find that appealing. I think she is right. What we do now puts everything into her hands. I will not be trained to postpone or prevent my orgasms. Each and every time, I respond as nature designed. She will frustrate me almost every time she stimulates me. I can’t learn to stop expecting that orgasm even though I know I probably won’t get it. She is using my nature against me.

Both methods demonstrate strong sexual control over the male. One involves his active cooperation. The other, the one we practice, has no interest in what I want or don’t want. I ejaculate when Mrs. Lion decides to make me. I just lie there and take when she gives me.

It seems to me that a lot of people believe that the changes they observe in a male when his ability to ejaculate is restricted, are caused by some pretty strange things. The most popular (based on blogs I read) is that males don’t need orgasms very often, if at all. Too many orgasms will cause men to be aggressive, thoughtless, self-centered, and prone to frequent masturbation.  Most of the enforced chastity fantasies claim this.

So, apparently we males are a brutish bunch of masturbators if we don’t have strong female (partner) control. It’s our nature. Some bloggers with a bit of scientific background, seek out studies relating to hormones that may either cause or change this behavior. In any case, the popular theory is that ejaculation is not good for male behavior. When a male is prevented from frequent ejaculation via orgasm control like enforced chastity, he becomes docile, thoughtful, and has a strong desire to provide as many orgasms as possible to his keyholder.

Let’s accept the behavioral changes. My behavior has certainly changed in the nearly-three-years I have been under orgasm control. Men and women who write about this subject report positive behavioral changes in the male when ejaculation is controlled and strongly limited.

So, these people say: The reason for the behavioral changes is that ejaculation, when uncontrolled, results in undesirable male behavior. After all, ipso facto, the sole change was restriction of ejaculation. Therefore negative male behavior is related to too much semen loss. Over the centuries there have been numerous ills, from mental illness to feeble mindedness, associated with male ejaculation. The first chastity devices were created in the nineteenth century to prevent boys from masturbating. It was believed that masturbation led to everything from retardation to criminal behavior. It isn’t very surprising that the modern version of this is that frequent ejaculation makes men less desirable mates.

In my opinion, this is no different than the nineteenth century notion that when boys masturbate, they become criminals and idiots. Let me suggest an alternate and much simpler theoryfor why male behavior changes for the better when orgasm control is practiced. It’s actually very obvious. The reason is simply that the male is finally getting something he really wants.

Consider. A guy has had fantasies about female control, perhaps expressed by her control of his sexuality. He’s had these since his little, hairless weenie first started getting hard. Well, maybe not that long ago for some. It was for me. So, he has spent his adult life wanting something he assumed he could never have. In fact, he may have been afraid he would be very unhappy if those particular fantasies came true.

Seem far fetched? It isn’t. There have been a number of studies about what men and women fantasize about. Over 75% of men admitted fantasies of being tied up and helpless. That’s loss of control.

Even though these unrealized fantasies may be far below everyday consciousness, I think there have to be subconscious effects. A logical set of effects would be expressing behavior that might provoke the female to take charge: sexual selfishness, masturbation, and aggression. We know that virtually all enforced chastity and FLR with domestic discipline is initiated by the male. All, regardless of origin, are consensual. The males want to be controled.

What is the result of him finally getting what he wants? To quote Willie Wonka, “What happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after.”

As an example, in my case I want orgasm control and domestic discipline. I don’t necessarily like either now that I have them. But I have gotten what I wanted. Of course my behavior changed. I’m living happily ever after. I want to share my happiness. I obey my lioness. I accept punishment. I no longer masturbate. I only ejaculate when she wishes. I have to do things like spending days in wet diapers. I don’t like that. But I love the feeling of being controlled that doing these things represent.

My point is that my hormones didn’t change my  behavior. I didn’t change because females are superior to men. My changes don’t acknowledge that males aren’t designed to ejaculate except to procreate or that females are meant to have all the orgasms they want. I doubt any of those assumptions are true. What I am positive is true, at least in my case, is that I am finally getting what I have wanted (needed) my entire life. The result: I am happy and my happiness allows my best self to emerge.

If I am fully satisfied with my mate, I wouldn’t look at pornography or feel attracted to other women. It makes no sense. If having my orgasms withheld provides inner peace and satisfaction, why would I cheat or jerk off? So, I think the reason for the very noticeable change in a male’s behavior that enforced chastity provokes has nothing to do with the nature of men and women; nothing at all to do with biology. It is simply due to the fact that he is finally having his dreams come true.

The idea that you should be careful what you wish for because you may actually get it, is bull. You should celebrate that you get what you wish for. Of course the realization isn’t always fun or comfortable. Many times I am sorry that I suggested something. But that doesn’t matter. Being  forced to accept these things provide me with the inner satisfaction that makes me a happier and better man. In fact, when Mrs. Lion takes an idea I gave her and makes it even more uncomfortable or painful, I may whine and protest. But for reasons I don’t fully understand, the stricter she gets, the brighter that inner light shines.

“Ipso Fatso” was Archie Bunker’s way of saying ipso facto on the 70’s sitcom “All in the Family.” He is also famous for saying that he never looks at pornography because, “I don’thave a pornograph.”