Femdom (Page 5)

For men, I think it is safe to say that the desire to surrender to a partner is sexually motivated. Even guys who say their nature has always been submissive, express themselves in sexual terms. That’s certainly true of me.

I get aroused when I think about Mrs. Lion dominating me. The idea of her punishing me is very hot. Of course, the actual punishments are anything but arousing. Sexual arousal is the light that draws the moth, or in this case, the lion. What strikes me as odd is that even though I know what is coming and how much it hurts, I am still aroused thinking about it.

This is obviously deep-seated programming. Perhaps it is even instinctive. In any case, I can’t control it. No matter how painful and humiliating my last punishment was, contemplating the next one turns me on. One blogger referred to this by equating submission to a sexy game. She posited that men love games, particularly sexy ones. I buy that. But wouldn’t you think that we would learn the outcome is always unpleasant? We don’t.

I don’t think women look at it like this. They seem to have a much more practical perspective. In many cases, I think they see their role as a way to please their partners. It’s a sort of play acting. This was most certainly the case with Mrs. Lion. It may well still be the case. I have realized this from the beginning. I’ve hoped that once she got into the swing of things, she would find value and seriously adopt it.

She’s taken orgasm control to heart. She absolutely expects to be my only source of sexual pleasure whether or not I am wearing a chastity device. The device isn’t as important as believing I won’t break this critical rule. She’s told me that masturbating is almost as serious as cheating with another woman. I understand. She’s had a bit of trouble articulating the place my chastity device has in all this. She’s willing to let me go without it. But she’s also said that she likes knowing it’s in place.

I’m pretty sure that domestic discipline and FLR fall into the category of things she does to please me. That’s fine with me for now. We’re still figuring out how punishments work and where she wants to exercise her power. This is a slow process that we started well over a year ago. Perhaps, over time, FLR and DD will just become a natural part of our relationship. There won’t be a big reason why we do it. We just do. At least I hope that’s what will happen. Meanwhile we try different things and keep plugging along.

Guys have a lot of different reasons for asking their partners to dominate them. Male chastity and domestic discipline both put the male into a submissive position to his partner. It’s safe to say that part of his reason for wanting this is sexual. It’s hot, at least for me, to feel control. At least that’s true in my fantasies. Some guys are naturally submissive and discovering enforced chastity and perhaps domestic discipline satisfies them on a very deep level.

That’s not me. I spent most of my adult life as an active BDSM dominant. I like power and know how to use it effectively. I do that, in a vanilla, non-sexual way for a living. Deep down, I’ve always been turned on by the thought of being spanked, tied up, and sexually controlled. That’s not unusual. Most of the tops I have known enjoy bottoming now and then. So, sometimes I bottomed to a friend. It was fun, but I never seriously considered permanently switching.

Well then, how did I end up in full-time enforced chastity and at the receiving end of domestic discipline? It wasn’t because I woke up one morning and decided I have been a closet submissive. It’s much more complicated than that.

My desire to experience enforced chastity came out of the pleasure I got when tied up. It turned me on and the thought of being sexually controlled remains a big turn on. Mrs. Lion discovered she likes the effect this form of power exchange has on our marriage. It transformed us from a nearly sexless relationship into one filled with sexual activity. We committed to continue this practice permanently.

Domestic discipline is another story entirely. I realized that I enjoy sexual control. I love the effect on our relationship. I wondered if a power exchange of another sort could help us in another, much more important area of our lives: Mrs. Lion’s inability to even consider any form of confrontation. I’m not talking out of school. In her post yesterday, she referred to it herself.

I reasoned that if she would accept broader control that includes concrete retribution for infractions, perhaps she would feel able to punish me if I did things that upset her. You know, things like interrupting her (post about that) or making choices for her that she doesn’t like. My thought was that if she learned she could punish me for breaking simple rules, she would be freed to express displeasure when I pissed her off.

I have a fear that if she keeps things I do bottled up, eventually she will fall out of love and want to leave. Sooner or later the dam will break with disastrous results. Over the years I’ve expressed this concern and she has promised to let me know when I upset her. But she hasn’t. I figured that she needs practice. There must have been a lot of negative experiences in her life that makes her this way.

So, I asked her to be my disciplining wife. We made some rules, most almost impossible for me not to break and off we went. There are lots of posts about how this has worked. Mrs. Lion has become a very effective spanker. I truly dread having to lie on my stomach on the bed and receiving very painful swats. She has steadily improved her ability to spot infractions and swat me for them.

But she still silently accepts things I do that upset her. Not only doesn’t the paddle come out, she doesn’t tell me she is upset. Her post yesterday cites two events in a single day that upset her. In one case, when I mentioned plants were dying, she actually thought to herself that I should be paddled. But I wasn’t. No feelings were expressed.

After I read her post, we talked about this. While she has become effective at spanking, It hasn’t freed her as I had hoped to use her authority and her ability to punish me to let me know when I upset her. This is not a problem with her role as disciplining wife. It’s evidence that my plan to use domestic discipline to help free her isn’t working. That’s not her fault. She isn’t failing. My simplistic plan to help her isn’t working.

Domestic discipline is more of a game. It’s limited to a small set of rules I have to follow. I admit that I like playing; at least until the paddle comes out. From what I’ve read, that’s pretty much how it works for most guys. The idea is that the game aspect keeps us submitting, and our wives can then use our desire to play to help us modify our behavior.

Many guys have an erection when their wives signal that they will be spanked. That’s the sexy game aspect. It doesn’t take many swats for the erection to disappear and be forgotten.Disciplining wives know what they are doing. Once in position and on the receiving end of a spanking, it’s too late to back out. Part of the training process is learning to accept very unpleasant punishments. I’m a slow learner, but getting there.

Anyway, we had a talk yesterday. We discussed Mrs. Lion’s post. I asked what we could do to help her learn that is ok for her to express anger and assert what she wants. Her response was that she said she would try harder. That’s not fair to her. This is a tough problem and resolve alone isn’t enough. Our experience has proven that.

Domestic discipline has turned out to provide tools to be used once the issue is resolved. On its own it hasn’t worked. We haven’t figure out if there is some way we can make the changes to put the tools to use. One thought I had after our talk is that maybe she should punish me when she becomes aware I did something that annoyed her. For example, even though she didn’t spank me on Friday when I upset her, perhaps she should punish me when she processes her feelings. When I commented on the houseplant and she thought I should be spanked for it and then didn’t act, maybe she should punish me appropriately at a later time when she feels less emotionally wrapped up by the feelings.

If the issue is due to past experiences when she reacted in the moment, perhaps reacting a day or two later would be manageable. From the perspective of a disciplinarian, retribution is supposed to be close to the offense. But in this case, retribution can occur any time. In this case, the purpose of punishing me is not to train me to fix my behavior. It’s to train Mrs. Lion to express her feelings. That means I may end up with a mouth soaping and a spanking a week after I upset her by something I said. When you are learning something new, it’s better late than never. She is being trained, not me.

Maybe domestic discipline isn’t going to work. It hasn’t helped Mrs. Lion get out her feelings. Unlike enforced chastity, at least up to now, it hasn’t improved our marriage. I may have been way off base suggesting it. We need, no, Mrs. Lion needs to decide what happens next. Do we continue with domestic discipline as a realization of the sexy game I like to play? Do we just give it up? Or, can Mrs. Lion find a way to use it to help her learn to express how she feels?

When a new play is cast, the first activity is usually a “table read”. The cast and director sit around a big table and run through the script.  They stop frequently, commenting and asking questions. This process helps everyone understand the story and prepare for the next step when the play is performed on the stage. It’s an evolutionary process. Over time, people learn the script, understand how they move and relate to one another. Eventually, the sets are complete and the actors wear their costumes for dress rehearsal. Finally, the play goes into previews and the script and stage actions are refined as the actors perform before a live audience. When all is right, the play opens.

Our power exchanges follow a similar process. For example, domestic discipline began with a “table read”. Mrs. Lion established a very small set of essentially-trivial rules. Infractions, when noticed, were punished with light spankings. We evolved to adding more important rules and over time, Mrs. Lion observed my behavior more closely. We learned how to move. The spankings became truly disciplinary and we both moved on our “stage” with more confidence.

Mrs. Lion became more confident and I began living my role. I had no part in directing. Self-reporting stopped becoming necessary. Mrs. Lion became more aware of what I should be doing than I. Punishments grew more painful and humiliating. We were living our parts. The game was gone.

That’s where we are now. We’re nearly ready for previews. Mrs. Lion is firmly in control. I work hard to be obedient. I don’t want to be punished. I absolutely know I can’t escape being disciplined if I require it. We are living our parts. We are moving on the stage with confidence. I don’t think either of us expected to ever reach this point.

At the same time, enforced chastity and orgasm control are also in previews as well. Mrs. Lion confidently controls me sexually. If she feels I am not going to be horny, she may let me run wild (no cage) because access is more convenient without having to unlock me. When she decides that I might be getting interested in sex, the cage goes on. No questions from her. No opinions from me.

She doesn’t have a master plan for my orgasm schedule, but she is confident that she will provide ejaculation when it feels right to her. She’s learned to enjoy my frustration as well as my orgasms. She solicits my opinion on my degree of frustration, but doesn’t use that information as a directive to get me off.

She enjoys seeing me get myself into trouble by purchasing toys or making suggestions for “experiments”. She knows me well enough to predict how much trouble I have gotten myself into. The most recent example is my suggestion for daily orgasms to see if I learn to provide them easily. That experiment failed after two orgasms. Based on her recent posts, she appears to want to try again. Based on my last try, it won’t be nearly as much fun as I imagined.

We’re in sexual previews. Mrs. Lion has developed her own brand of enforced chastity. I can provide input but there is no doubt that I don’t have much influence at all. Mrs. Lion is tuning up her techniques, getting ready for opening night.

It looks to me that opening night isn’t far off. When it comes it will be for both domestic discipline and sexual control. My pain and joy will be real; control will be hers alone. Unlike the theater, I don’t think we will know when we open. We’ll probably notice long after the actual opening. Changes are gradual and are only noticed when a specific event causes one or both of us to look around and realize we are on stage in front of a paying audience. How do you like the show so far?

I’m feeling much better. Last night I decided to remove the stent going from my kidney to my bladder. The surgeon left a string dangling from the end of my penis for just this purpose. I was very nervous. Both of us were concerned. I slowly pulled the string. I could feel resistance inside me. After over two feet of the blue surgical thread, the white rubber stent appeared. It was about twenty inches long. It didn’t hurt much going out. As soon as it was completely clear of my penis, I felt much better. That stent was responsible for the pain I have been feeling.  I’m sure it will be days before all is completely well, but at least I don’t need powerful drugs for the pain.

All weekend I was going though underpants like crazy. One of my meds turned my urine orange. I wore underpants to avoid staining the sheets with any drips. I didn’t want to stain my day-to-day underpants. I have a collection of underpants I bought to try out different brands and styles. They all got called into service over the weekend. With my recent weight loss and overall unhappiness with the underwear I have, I decided to go for a more classic brief. I asked Mrs. Lion if she has a preference for what I wear.

She said, “Red.”

“Red?”

“Yes, I like red.”

“You want all my my underpants to be red?”

She sighed. “Yes, Red.”

Without another word I found the style I want on the “Obviously” web site and ordered nine pairs in red. This is the first time Mrs Lion has shown any preference for what I wear or don’t wear. It will take two or three weeks for the underpants to get here from China where they are made. She said there’s no rush.

This is a big deal to me because it’s another way she’s exercising control. It may seem a bit “fetishy” to some. Perhaps it is. I see it as something she has changed in my every day life just because she says so. She knows that red is my favorite color and that I tend to wear muted colors. Not many people will see my brightly colored butt.

I like this because it is consistent. The only undies in my drawer will be an approved (by Mrs. Lion) shade of red. It’s similar to other wives replacing all their husband’s underpants with women’s panties. It is a constant reminder of her power. Mrs. Lion knows that I really like “no exception” rules. I like this new one.