Sex For Us May Have Nothing To Do With Orgasms

lion in pink lace thong

Our little corner of the kink community seems quieter than usual. I suppose the Thanksgiving holiday and preparations for Christmas divert attention away from blogging. Ironically, more people than ever are visiting The Journal. I’m grateful for the attention.

Mrs. Lion decided to put me in a pink lace thong today. It has an ample pouch in the front that makes me think this must be designed for a male. It’s not uncomfortable. I think I look silly wearing it. I know that’s the idea. Mrs. Lion is clearly into this. I don’t know exactly why. It might be that she is doing it because it reinforces my feeling of belonging to her. I don’t think she gets any particular pleasure out of it. If I’m wrong, she’ll let us know in a post.

Even though she has dialed up her assertions of ownership, she writes about my difficulty initiating sex in a way that strongly suggests that she wants me to be sexually assertive. Here’s something she wrote in a recent post, “No Fun So Far”:

“I know he has trouble initiating and then he thinks he’s becoming a chore. It’s really more of a problem when he says, “I guess no Edex tonight” after we’ve been hanging out for a while. Yes, I was probably on my iPad but that doesn’t stop him from telling me he’s hungry. Can he say, “I’m horny” instead of hungry?”

This feels a bit odd. If Mrs. Lion wanted me to initiate sex with her I would understand her comment. But she doesn’t. She wants me to tell her when I want sex for myself. It got me thinking. She’s right. I should let her know how I’m feeling. Simply saying that I’m horny isn’t demanding sex. It’s just a weather report. I used to give her those in the past when locked in a male chastity device. I would often include “Lion Weather” in my daily emails to her.

When I was horny, the lion weather would be “Tropical,” or “Steamy.” If I wasn’t horny at the time, I would usually omit the weather. I suppose I could resume these reports. I was concerned that I was calling the shots if I announced my interest in sex. I get it. I’m not.

This brings up another topic that my lioness doesn’t seem to want to address: sex for her. It’s been over five years since we’ve had coitus. She’s mentioned it in posts a bunch of times, but nothing has happened in real life. Is this due to my failure to initiate? We’ve both lost a lot of weight. Lion riding, or maybe lioness riding would be easier. I know that even if I can’t give her an orgasm by her riding me, I can certainly provide one with my tongue. In the past she always came when riding cowgirl. Reverse cowgirl, which gets me off, doesn’t stimulate her enough. I would dearly love a cowgirl ride. When she has had her orgasms, she can turn around and give me mine.

This may seem simple and obvious, but it isn’t. While Mrs. Lion can have orgasms, she says that she doesn’t want them. I don’t think she considers an orgasm the same as a visit to the dentist, but she isn’t motivated to have them. I wonder what would happen if she resumed having them anyway, with me initiating. Would that be fun for her?

She may be willing to try. I’m not sure how I’ll do initiating. It will be an act of will for me to try. On the other hand, having sex would be an act of will for her. It would be easier to maintain the status quo. We’re comfortable with my weekly blow jobs. We tend to do what’s comfortable up to a point.

I’m sure it isn’t all that comfortable and normal for Mrs. Lion to give me panties to wear. It’s not normal for me to spend my days in thongs. This change in our routine is a good sign. Maybe the next step is to resume fucking. I will need help learning to initiate. Mrs. Lion can do that quite easily. She can simply make a rule that I must initiate at least once weekly. If I haven’t done it by Sunday morning, I get punished. This works for me. After a couple of ten-minute paddle visits, I generally get the point.

Since Mrs. Lion is indifferent to her own sexual pleasure, responding to my probably-feeble attempts to initiate can be the same sort of behavior that she exhibits when she puts me in panties. It’s helpful to me, and reinforces a behavior that she has always wanted. The objective isn’t so much to restore her libido as it is to give us both some intimacy that we miss.

Sex doesn’t have to be libido-driven. It can also well up from a desire for intimacy and expression of love. Maybe for us it isn’t about orgasms at all. It may be more about connecting as mates and sharing that special intimacy we’ve always reserved for each other. The goal doesn’t have to be orgasms at all. It can just be feeling that special connection. We’re not making babies. We’re making love.


  1. So many great points here. I wear panties everyday. I wish my wife took enough interest in that to pick out which ones I should wear. I usually don’t wear anything quite so lacy. Yes, they do look a little silly, maybe humiliating, but I love the concept of being an indication of ownership. I crave for my wife to take ownership of me.
    I also don’t initiate sex as I feel that’s contrary to my submissive status. I do eventually exhibit a needy attitude which sometimes gets me sexual attention.
    My wife claims to have no libido anymore due to hormones or lack thereof. She does still enjoy orgasms, but only achieves them with her magic wand vibrator. Sadly, she could and does get them without me, but prefers my “help” oral or fingers. We do still have intercourse but it is becoming a rare thing.
    Discovering that we can have sexual fun without orgasms, particularly for me, was quite liberating and allows more spontaneous opportunities for sharing intimacy for us too.

    1. Author

      I miss coitus, but Mrs. Lion makes sure I have excellent orgasms. I’m very lucky to have her.

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