My Spanking Conundrum

You won’t be surprised to learn that Mrs. Lion made a point of spanking me as soon as I got out of the shower. I was not in the mood for a beating (Am I ever?). Mrs. Lion wasn’t interested in my mood. That’s also no surprise. As Mrs. Lion is fond of saying, “You asked for it.” OK, I did, and I sure got it.

For me, getting a spanking is very much like skiing. The idea is very appealing, but looking down the mountain at the tiny people below makes me doubt my sanity once I get off the chair lift. The same is true of spanking. I like to think about being spanked and feeling the control Mrs. Lion has over me. But once I feel the strap tighten around my waist and I know I can’t escape, I wonder what I got myself into.

I can’t claim ignorance. Mrs. Lion has spanked me many times before. Maybe it’s Spankheimers. Perhaps I can’t remember how miserable I felt the last time I rode the spanking bench. I remember thinking that I had to be crazy to put myself through this pain. It was absolutely no fun. I was angry at myself for forgetting to send that damn morning email to Mrs. Lion. I did not want to be spanked.

But Mrs. Lion was right. I did ask for it. I asked for all of it. Even though I hated what was happening to me  I didn’t safeword or withdraw my consent. I still haven’t. My very first BDSM play partner used to laugh at me when I squirmed and yelped. She used to say, “Stupid lion. You asked for this.” She would punctuate the sentence with a riding crop shot to my balls. For the record, her spankings were far milder than Mrs. Lion’s. I guess that makes me a very stupid lion.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t understand why I want things this way. I’m not sure I do, either. But I do. I need these miserably painful spankings. I need Mrs. Lion to be a relentlessly strict, disciplinary wife. We went through a period when there was no spanking or BDSM activity. Mrs. Lion saw a change in me. I was unhappy. It took me a while to realize that something was wrong. Maybe she saw it first. We began playing again and I felt better.

More recently, we learned that if too much time goes by between disciplinary spankings (the only kind I get; even if just for maintenance), I lose much of my libido and feel blue. My new morning email rule has furnished Mrs. Lion with adequate reason to tan my hide. I never purposely break a rule. That’s why I get maintenance spankings if I don’t get in trouble after a week or two.

Mrs. Lion hasn’t worked out maintenance spankings, I think. She makes them both milder and shorter than punishment. I’m grateful for that when I get them, but ambivalent other times. Shouldn’t they go a full ten minutes? Just how much do I need to recharge whatever part of my psyche needs these beatings? Maybe the quality of the maintenance spanking isn’t the real issue. I’m starting to think that the event chain of rule-breaking followed by punishment is what works for me.

If that’s true, Mrs. Lion’s job gets a lot harder. I tend to learn to avoid breaking rules after several punishments. That’s good in terms of training me but bad when it comes to providing the event chain I need. Maybe I’m overthinking this. I’ve been known to do that. Maybe I need Mrs. Lion to arbitrarily announce that I need a spanking and then deliver one. I think it might work if she answers my question of why she is spanking me to, “I feel like it.”

That may not make sense to her, but it does to me. I suggested “Just Because” spankings. She delivers them because she accepted my concept. I know that full well. It’s very different from breaking a rule. Yes, I asked for the rules. They were my idea. But the events that occur when I break one, are totally out of my control. The same would be true of a spanking delivered because Mrs. Lion decides I need one. She doesn’t have to give me a reason. See the difference?

The “Just Because” spanking is a loosely scheduled event that I suggested. I did not suggest or have any input on a “You need a spanking” beating. See?  It would be one hundred percent, Mrs. Lion. I’m pretty sure that she never really feels that I need a spanking. She probably can learn to cultivate that concept. It gets around any guilt or worry about spanking me for annoying her. She’s doing something we both know I need. The new need this approach would satisfy is my need to be excluded from even a shadow of the decision to spank me.  Lioness control.

What do you think, Mrs. Lion?

2 Comments

  1. This is exactly the thing I expressed in my ‘Dichotomy of a spanking ‘ on my blog. I know exactly how you feel.

    1. Author

      Thanks, David. It’s good to know that I’m not all that weird.

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