Over the last few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the disciplinary relationship that Mrs. Lion and I have. I’ve gone through periods of fiercely defending that it is based on a real need to give my wife a strong voice in our marriage. At other times, I’ve acknowledged that there is a sexual turn-on when I think of her spanking me. There’s been a relationship between my general interest in sex and the frequency of my spankings.
All of the above is true. Long before Mrs. Lion started using spanking as a punishment, she spanked me in BDSM scenes. Various partners have been spanking me for a very long time. All of those earlier spankings were in the context of scenes. This raises the question of exactly how spanking fits into our lives.
I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion would be just as happy if she didn’t need to spank me. She’s always said she doesn’t get any pleasure from beating my butt. She also says that she doesn’t mind doing it. She doesn’t like to be in charge. She prefers that I make most of the decisions. She also hated that I didn’t initiate sex. I’m OK with decision-making, but I have a real issue with initiating.
It’s clear that Mrs. Lion never wanted to wear the pants in the lions’ den, and she doesn’t. Nevertheless, I feel a strong need for her control. As I reflect on the subject, we could have gone about meeting this need in two ways. The first would be regular BDSM sessions with me bottoming. The other was what we ended up doing, establishing domestic discipline.
I’m not sure we made the best choice, but it’s way too late to change. Make no mistake, regardless of the sexual origins, we have a real disciplinary marriage. I think that Mrs. Lion still struggles with her role, but she soldiers on and is working on improving it.
It’s important for me to acknowledge that she is doing all this because it’s something I need. It isn’t about her. She doesn’t need to take on this role. I suspect that the same is true of other disciplinary wives. I also imagine that trouble occurs when the disciplined husband loses sight of this important fact. I believe that’s the reason Mrs. Lion has big trouble punishing me for upsetting her. That moves her role closer to her inner self. When she punishes me for not doing a chore, it’s a simple gotcha. I forget, I get spanked.
The problem with maintaining domestic discipline on the concrete rules level is that I tend to learn and stop breaking rules. A relatively new rule is the resumption of morning emails from me to Mrs. Lion. I forgot yesterday. Mrs. Lion caught me, and I was sentenced to a punishment spanking. It’s what she does. It’s what I asked her to do. I’ll probably forget a few more times. Based on our prior experience, I’ll forget less and less. Those spankings really work.
Mrs. Lion will need to find new things to catch me doing. It should be fairly easy if she decides to count the times I annoy her. She’s learned to snarl when I do. That’s a big step. It probably meets her need to let me know when I’m on thin ice. I sometimes don’t notice the growl. It’s a male thing, I guess. I don’t think it matters that much to her.
I’m fine with that. However, I think that given my need for control and spanking, she’s missing easy opportunities to catch me and punish me. Given my history, she’s also missing chances to change my behavior for the better. I don’t think it’s fair for me to say that she should spank me because it gives her a bigger megaphone in our marriage. I don’t think she wants one. I think that it is just another way to play her role. She isn’t punishing me to force me to take her more seriously. She’s punishing me because it’s part of a process I asked her to adopt. She isn’t turning into a strict disciplinarian. She’s just playing the game with a little more attention to detail.