I recently received a lot of heat because I wrote that sexual fantasies often inspire men to ask to be spanked. The complaints centered around the idea that if sex is one of the reasons that men ask their wives to spank them, that means domestic discipline for them is a BDSM scene. Somehow the purity of domestic discipline is offended by tying sexual motivations to it.
I think I understand the reason I offended some. Domestic discipline is supposed to provide help and education to the men who receive it. That’s absolutely true for me. Since we started it, even when Mrs. Lion’s spankings were mild, my behavior changed if she consistently punished me when I offended. As she’s said, I learn if she spanks me when needed. I hate admitting that I need to be spanked to make me change, but it’s true. Mrs. Lion is convinced and is committed to expanding the use of her paddles to help me improve the way I relate to her and others.
I have a lifelong interest in being spanked. Thinking about it turns me on. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I can’t say how other guys came to domestic discipline, but for me, the bait is the arousal I feel when I think about being spanked/punished for breaking a rule. Does that make our domestic discipline merely a disguise for BDSM?
I don’t think it is. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think there is anything sexual about it and makes no attempt to feed into my sexual thoughts about spanking. In other words, she is happy that I willingly mount the spanking bench when she wants to punish me. She doesn’t care why I do it. Once I’m riding the bench, any sexual thoughts disappear almost immediately. She has me there to help me learn. Her job is to make the experience as unpleasant as possible. The more I dislike the experience, the better I learn. She knows this and has become very good at her task.
Here’s where the purists get unhappy with any generalizations I might make. I acknowledge the sexual origin of my interest in domestic discipline. They don’t like this assumption. They prefer to dwell on other aspects like what it might be like if others witness their spankings. They wonder if that would benefit them. I never gave that sort of thing any real thought. Mrs. Lion is a private person, and I’m sure she isn’t interested in sharing her disciplinary practices with others who she knows in other areas of her life. That’s not the point. What does it mean to want to be spanked in front of friends and relatives?
I’d argue that this is a sexual humiliation fantasy. It has nothing to do with the only transaction that domestic discipline is about. I think that the entire point of DD is behavior modification. Right? It isn’t about humiliation, substitute spankers, rituals, etc. DD is negative reinforcement. We’ve learned that it works incredibly well for me. That’s why Mrs. Lion works hard to provide it.
That doesn’t mean all those other possibilities are wrong. Humiliation, arousal thinking about spanking, imagining scenarios with substitute spankers, and all that other stuff provide mental fodder that helps us accept a spanking docilely. Mrs. Lion doesn’t care what I think about DD. She is uninterested in erections that thoughts of spanking may give me. She cares about the positive effects that she can provoke by spanking me when needed. She’s observed the changes I make when she strictly enforces my rules.
That was the point I was trying to make when I talked about the sexual roots of spanking for many of us. A spanking for breaking a rule or misbehaving helps me avoid errors in the future. How I choose to think about it has no effect on that. I learn. I think it is silly to claim that sexual fantasies about spanking and punishment invalidate domestic discipline.
It doesn’t matter if we want to debate having our sister-in-law spank us or talk about getting an erection thinking about her doing it. All that matters is that our wives spank us when our behavior requires the application of her paddle. I imagine that Mrs. Lion is happy that I sometimes get aroused when I think about being spanked. She knows those thoughts help me accept painful punishment when I need it.
|
|
Wow Lion! I’ve been a quiet fan for years but I had to let you know that if I had written this blog entry it would have been almost word for word the same as it applies to my feelings/desires about spanking. I’m 65, have been married for 47 years of my life, first for 27 years, then about a 16 month break, and second married now for 20 years. Unfortunately for me, neither of my spouses have shared my interests in male chastity and Fm spanking. I bet that you’re wondering why I didn’t explore that before I remarried, the truth is that I sort of did but I made some stupid assumptions based on the fact that my second wife is nine years my senior, much more experienced sexually, and is very assertive (bossy!). As I tried to introduce my interests/desires I was quick to find out that her opinion of anything outside of vanilla sex and traditional roles is that they are “perverted, disgusting and sinful.” So I read, collect photo’s, and watch subject matter erotic videos online. I’ve experimented with putting myself into chastity and self spanking over the years but could never quite find any cheap chastity devices that worked for any more than a very short time and I don’t really have enough privacy or creativity to make the self spanking work. Thanks for the amazing sharing that you and Mrs. Lion do, it enriches my life! Hugs, rick
Thanks for your kind words. I am very lucky that my wife is willing to participate in my kinks. If you want a comfortable chastity device, you probably need to spend the money on a custom one. Before you do, it may pay to try a Holy Trainer. I found their v5 nub and nano to be comfortable.
Hmmm, to me intent and efficacy are all one needs to define their arrangement as DD, regardless of whether someone is turned on, not turned on, goes public, stays private, or whatever. I happen to fall into a more extreme category, but that doesn’t make a less extreme version any less DD. I also have another sanctioned authority figure in my life who (with Rosa’s permission) is free to call me out on my behavior and spank me for it. There’s no sexual aspect. She is a Lesbian in fact, and a dear friend. But she gets what even a friend-based DD relationship is. AND……she is willing at times to just have fun with her role too. She can do both. And doing a play spanking as a reward one day, does not mean she’s not serious when she punishes me on another.
If spanking for a couple is merely, “spice”, roleplay, an adult game, foreplay, fantasy, and they actually go to pains to make sure nothing “real life” muddies the fun, then it’s clearly not DD. If the goal is behavior it IS DD, and the specific methods, attitudes, and degree are just that couple’s expression of it.
I think that it isn’t what brings you into position to be spanked; it’s why you are there. If sexual arousal makes me get into position it doesn’t matter a bit. The spanking is aimed at correcting my behavior. I know it, and it works. How Mrs. Lion feels about it isn’t an issue. It’s just that she does it when needed.