Mrs. Lion invented a game she calls Zapardy. It’s played while we watch “Jeopardy” on TV. The way it usually works is that she has me strap on my shock collar (it goes around my balls). I answer questions when I think I know the answer. If I get them right, nothing happens. If I get one wrong, Mrs. Lion zaps me with the shock collar. It’s a distinctly unpleasant sensation. Under those rules, I can avoid getting a shock simply by staying silent. We discussed modifying the rules so that silence gets me a zap and wrong answers get me two.
We only played the game once this year. I managed to answer the questions I chose correctly and there was no zapping. That’s when I thought about changing to the system where I get penalized for being silent. This was about a month ago. We haven’t played since. I think the problem is that by the time Mrs. Lion decides it may be fun, the show is already started. The only potential solution for this is that I strap on the shock collar every night. Then all Mrs. Lion has to do is open the app on her phone to play.
The other day I was thinking about our NFL game. That’s the one where I get swats anytime a team scores. It’s easy to play that game because football doesn’t move very fast and there is plenty of time for Mrs. Lion to get the swats in. With Jeopardy, it would be very difficult. Questions come one right after the other. It occurred to me that if we had a hand counter, you know the clicker used to count people entering a store, Mrs. Lion could simply click it each time I earn a swat. Then after the show finished, she could administer all of them at the same time.
I suggested that I get one swat for being silent and two for being wrong. There are 60 questions in the game. Plus the final question. So, if I remain silent through the entire program, I would earn 61 swats. The total goes down or up from there depending on how good I am playing. If Mrs. Lion wants, she can add “interest” by making “Daily Doubles” more dangerous. She could make failing to answer one of those worth three swats and getting it wrong, six. If she wants to be particularly mean she can up the ante. She can assign two swats for silence and four for a wrong answer. That would make the end-of-show reckoning considerably more painful. Or, she could have a coin flip at the end of the game and if I don’t win the toss, she doubles the number of swats.
This game is a lot easier to play. She put the clicker on her nightstand, so all she has to do is pick it up and we are off and running. We both like spanking games once the inertia is overcome. It’s a way of inserting some non-punishment spanking into our lives. It is also fun because we both like quiz shows. What do you think, Mrs. Lion?