One of the first things Mrs. Lion asked when we began our disciplinary relationship was what would be the difference between a punishment spanking and one that we do as part of BDSM play? She had a good question. BDSM spankings are certainly painful like a punishment spanking. Over time we reasoned that the “play” spankings were different because there was a slower “warm up”. This didn’t seem to be enough for me.
I finally believe I understand the real difference. It all became clear after I read a recent post by a man who is in a domestic discipline relationship. Like me, he is spanked when he displeases his wife. He rarely writes about what happens when he gets punished. Recently, he recounted a disciplinary session. His wife used a wide variety of implements on his rear end. She let him know that she was unhappy with him. She used paddles, hairbrushes, and straps.
One of my favorite bloggers, Julie of strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com has written numerous posts about spanking her husband. She makes it very clear that his spankings are scenes, not disciplinary. She uses a wide variety of implements to vary the sensations he gets. At the end of his spankings he is very sore. He wants these spankings.
We have two different people performing two kinds of spankings. Both are administered by wives on their husbands. Both make use of an assortment of implements. They also continue their spankings until husbands are extremely sore. For the record, both men not only consent to this but want it.
Unlike these two, Mrs. Lion prefers to use one implement. In fact, I think she’s pretty indifferent about which one she uses. Her objective is to make me sorry that I did something wrong. Generally, her spankings while painful, don’t go on as long as the two I wrote about above. I decided to do a little research. I started reading about other disciplinary couples that apparently have no BDSM background. Generally, these are husbands who spank their wives. They do this out of tradition: religion or family.
Obviously, consent isn’t required. It comes out of their culture. They tend to use a single implement, usually a paddle. The idea of introducing variety into punishment simply doesn’t occur to them. Their objective is to send a strong message designed to correct behavior. I find the lack of consent troublesome. However, I believe these are true examples of domestic discipline. There are no BDSM accouterments. The objective is to correct behavioral problems with painful spankings.
In our situation this is complicated because I like to be spanked. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, doesn’t particularly like to spank me. She does it because I want it and because she wants me to be properly corrected. It’s true that she will give me “play” spankings. These spankings feature multiple implements designed to give me different sensations. They are almost always foreplay for sexual activity when she’s done.
Punishments are administered with one, possibly two implements. Mrs. Lion’s intention is to make me feel her displeasure. More correctly, give me a reason not to break rules. I think she may be beginning to learn that if I repeat an offense too soon, the spanking wasn’t strong enough to send the message. In any case, my punishments are generally administered with a single paddle with absolutely no regard to providing any sensation other than pain. They are much closer to the religious/cultural domestic discipline then the BDSM-flavored variety I read about on the web.
I don’t intend this as a criticism of how other people do it. It’s strictly up to the disciplining wife to decide how she wishes to punish her husband. The only reason the single-implement, very-unpleasant spanking style is important to me is because of my long history of getting BDSM play spankings. Over the years we have been practicing domestic discipline, I found that only after the spankings became sufficiently unpleasant did I truly learn from them.
Even if she never intended it, Mrs. Lion clearly signals the difference between play and punishment both with the selection of a single implement and the dedication to making me unhappy to be in position of accepting her swats. Of course, after punishment there is no sex.