Recently, there’s been a lot of discussion about the amount of effort it takes to be the keyholder or disciplining wife. When you pull the curtain aside, what’s revealed is a lot of work without many obvious rewards. Men like me, who are the primary beneficiaries of all this work, try to come up with ways to show that our partners get at least as much benefit as we do. I think it would be very hard to find those benefits.
The simple fact is that being dominant, topping, disciplining, whatever you want to call it, is work. It takes energy, lots of time, and considerable skill to be effective. Over the years, I’ve taught quite a few workshops on the art of topping. It’s pretty easy to learn how to be effective with a paddle or other spanking instrument. It’s much more difficult to create the emotional atmosphere your partner badly needs.
Mrs. Lion has no societal or familial obligation to be my disciplining wife. This is not an expected role for a woman in Western society. Adult American males are not customarily spanked by their wives. What we are doing is outside the norms. The reason we have this unusual, disciplinary relationship is that I asked Mrs. Lion to assume the role of disciplining wife. I did it because that kind of power exchange helps me.
It’s not that I have dangerous or antisocial behaviors that need powerful corporal punishment to extinguish. My need is hardwired into me. Mrs. Lion recognizes this, and out of love provides it for me. The big question is just what is she providing? Some disciplinary relationships are restricted to periodic spankings and other humiliating activities performed by the wife on her husband. She doesn’t need any particular reason to do it other than the fact that she knows he wants it.
This doesn’t mean that he can “order” a spanking when he wants, nor can he prevent one from happening. The agreement the couple has is that she will provide spanking and the other activities to whatever degree she feels is best, whenever she decides to do it. He gave consent for her to do all this. In our case, Mrs. Lion’s authority is more comprehensive. She certainly has the right to spank me and do other things to me whenever she wishes. But at my request, she can make rules and enforce them.
She agreed to take this on. Neither of us had any particular experience at this. So we work together to figure out how she could develop her skills as a leader and disciplinarian and I could develop mine as submissive partner. Happily, the training is working.
None of this says a thing about how she feels about her role. The side I see is a loving-but-strict disciplining wife. She effectively and efficiently carries out her role. She has learned to disregard any attempts on my part to control the situation. I’ve asked her many times how she feels about what she is doing. She does it so well I’m convinced it’s just a natural part of her now.
That may well be, but it doesn’t mean she’s a joyous participant. She doesn’t particularly like spanking me. She’s learned not to dislike it. She appears to take some pride in the quality of her “work”. She notes when she marks me and when I yelp particularly loudly. But she doesn’t beat me because she enjoys doing it. She does it because she knows it’s something I need. She loves me and wants me to be happy.
We’ve observed that consistent enforcement of a rule actually conditions me to avoid breaking it. She discovered that consistently enforcing a rule can condition her to expect good behavior from everyone. For example, one of my first rules was always to wait until Mrs. Lion begins eating before I start. I’ve been thoroughly conditioned to do that. When she traveled and visited her family, she found herself feeling uncomfortable when members of her family began eating before her.
We are both getting well conditioned in our respective roles. I don’t think Mrs. Lion spends any time thinking about spanking me. When I break a rule, and it’s convenient to her, she simply gets her paddle tells me to get into position, and spanks me. It’s not an exceptional event in her life. It’s what a disciplining wife does. She may not particularly enjoy doing it, but that doesn’t mean she hesitates or resists. It’s part of her job.
When I think about that, I realize how extraordinary it is. I spent a lot of time waiting for her to enthusiastically enjoy spanking me and humiliated me. Somehow, in my mind, I figured when it was fun for her she would finally be set in her role. I realize now that that’s just silly. She’s set in her role when she performs it whenever necessary as a routine part of her life. It’s no different than washing a dish or doing the laundry. Something that has to be done. I’m absolutely sure paddling my bottom is just another routine chore she needs to perform. It doesn’t have to be a party. It just has to be done.
Most guys think of being spanked as an exceptional, exciting event. Even those of us like me, who are routinely spanked whether we want it or not, find it sexually arousing to anticipate. Because that’s how we react, I think we want to believe our partners should feel the same way about doing those things to us. I don’t think that really happens very often.
Actually, the changes Mrs. Lion has made are way more dangerous to my bare bottom. She feels no sense of occasion when it comes to punishing me. It’s an activity that doesn’t require planning or even anticipation. It doesn’t warrant discussion with me. It’s just something she will do when required. All she will do in terms of talking to me about it is tell me to get in position. When she finishes, she puts away her paddle and goes about her business.
There’s no drama. There’s no discussing how brave I am to accept so much punishment. There may be a comment about a new bruise or couple of little blood spots, but that’s it. She doesn’t see any reason to talk about it anymore than she would talk about doing the dishes. I broke a rule, it’s her job to punish me.
Now and then, we have a conversation pertaining to punishment. One thing that bothered her a little was that I didn’t have any lasting discomfort after a spanking. Within an hour generally, there is no residual pain. She would like a punishment to be more memorable to give me a more lasting reminder to avoid repeating the offense. She decided that if she couldn’t give me this lasting reminder in a single session, she would repeat the spanking several times over a span of days. So, any infraction, no matter how small, results in a minimum of three daily spankings. All are equally severe.
If I repeat an offense, like I did on Saturday — for the second week in a row I forgot Saturday was punishment day — she will go well beyond three daily spankings. She won’t tell me how many I will get. I find out when she goes out to the spare room and brings back a paddle. She sees no need for conversation or discussion. She’s doing a necessary chore. I don’t think it’s a distasteful chore, but it isn’t something she looks forward to doing.
Once I caught on to the way that Mrs. Lion and I perceive things differently, I finally understood that we are successful as a disciplinary couple. Since spanking is a routine chore for Mrs. Lion, it’s become an inescapable part of my life. I think that’s very good news for both of us.