Thursday night I got a spanking. According to Mrs. Lion, I have one more after that to complete my punishment backlog. I realize that as the recipient of a spanking, my interpretation of its severity is highly subjective. For some reason I found Thursday’s much easier to accept. It’s not that it didn’t hurt, but it didn’t hurt as much as its predecessors.
I have no reason to believe that Mrs. Lion was taking it easy. She commented that I did a very good job holding still. Since I rarely feel much after-spanking pain, I can’t tell you that Thursday’s beating hurt for either more or less time. I suppose it doesn’t matter. There’s something about having to lie on my stomach and accept painful swats that is more than a little humiliating.
Most of the time, I’m not very aware of this humiliation factor. After all, I like the idea of being spanked. But on Thursday night I felt it quite acutely. I wonder if this isn’t due to the fact that punishment now includes multiple, daily spankings. Certainly, I wasn’t anticipating with any pleasure the idea of being swatted on Thursday night. Mrs. Lion remembered her commitment and with no prompting from me, got her paddle and went to work.
Could it be that the more matter of fact, and impersonally punishment is administered, the more aware I become of the real reason I’m being beaten. In my mind on those occasions like Thursday night, I am very aware that Mrs. Lion isn’t having any fun and I’m being spanked like a child because I misbehaved.
Even though I was never spanked as a child, I understand it’s a common way to punish children. I generally don’t think about that since there is mild amusement and a bit of a sense of play attached to my spankings by Mrs. Lion. Could it be that the context is just as important as a spanking itself?
Come to think of it, Mrs. Lion did treat me more as a child. She asked me if I knew why I was being punished. She told me I was a good boy for holding still through the spanking. And her general demeanor was more of an adult dealing with a naughty child. I’m pretty sure that’s what got me thinking about all this. It’s entirely too easy for me to think of myself in a BDSM situation when I get spanked. It doesn’t make the spanking less painful, but it does put it in a context I am more comfortable picturing myself experiencing.
It’s not that I am imagining myself to be a naughty child. I’m not. I do become aware of myself as a grown man having to be treated as a naughty boy. I think that has serious value. Maybe that’s why so-called spanking desserts like mouth soaping are effective.
I think the key is that I become consciously aware of the power gap between my lioness and I. I don’t think of her as a mother punishing her child. Instead, I think of myself as a grown man who has to accept being punished like a naughty boy.
The classic domestic discipline relationship centers on this very concept. The member who is the head of household treats his or her mate as a child subject to the full authority of the disciplining partner. This is very much how I believe it’s starting to work for us. The punishments are the most obvious manifestations of the difference in power we have. They serve to remind both of us of our respective roles.
Most important is the docile acceptance of control by the disciplining spouse. In my case, it’s a bit more difficult for Mrs. Lion because I spent so many years in the BDSM community. I’m much more likely to frame our relationship in those terms instead of the much more powerful acceptance of her as my disciplining wife.
I think it’s difficult for her as well. That’s why we both need considerably more opportunities for her to administer punishment. Just as her sexual control has become almost instinctive in our lives, the broader authority must also become seamlessly integrated.
It’s working. We both accept her authority at least in some things. She’s still a bit tentative when she punishes me. I admit that I’m glad. If I’m going to be completely honest about it, I know that she needs to be working on becoming more severe. I will keep encouraging her. Well, at least during times when I’m not being spanked.
If you think that we spend too much time thinking about and administering punishments, you may not be fully aware of our struggle to move the power needle in our relationship. It’s entirely too easy for Mrs. Lion to accept me as sole decision-maker. It’s entirely too easy for me to assume that role.
Our approach works for us. We are closer than ever. I haven’t been injured. Under her stern tutelage, I’ve lost some bad habits and I become more aware of my effect on her. She’s beginning to recognize when I do things that bother her. She’s learning to not internalize these situations. Instead, she is beginning to assign blame where it belongs.
You may still wonder how spanking relates to all this. I think that on one level the idea that I expect be punished if I do something that annoys her, makes both of us more aware of my behavior. The act of actually punishing me forces both of us to spend considerable time thinking about what I did.
Obviously, it hurts me to be spanked. It teaches me that the painful consequence of upsetting her is sufficiently severe that I need to spend time and energy learning how to avoid it. She learns that she has a way of helping me get better. The time and energy it takes her to punish me, I hope, underlines the significance of my transgression to our relationship.
It’s not that the act of administering pain somehow makes Mrs. Lion feel better about whatever I did. It should underline the fact that we both consider these offenses as serious. I’m not sure we’re there yet. A sure sign that we’re moving in the right direction is when the punishments become more challenging to both of us. They are the physical manifestation of how seriously we take our power exchange.
It isn’t that Mrs. Lion needs to hurt me. That’s actually not the point. It’s that she has to demonstrate her willingness to maintain her role. It’s at least as difficult for her to punish me as it is for me to receive it. I don’t think she’ll ever reach the point that she can impersonally beat me black and blue with no negative feelings. I know she will always feel badly about punishing me. It’s no fun for either of us.
The goal is that we both acknowledge how very important it is that we maintain our roles. We both have to understand that if I do something wrong, there will be consequences severe enough to bother both of us. The goal is not to become better at giving and receiving pain, but to perfect the way we relate to one another. I don’t know if I could ever fully explain how amazingly good it is when this works.
There have been times when I have broken a rule and received punishment in such an organic way that we both felt closer as a result. I guess what I’m trying to say is that punishment isn’t so much a way to make me unhappy about doing something wrong as it is a way of exorcising the bad feelings of guilt on my part, and annoyance on hers.
All couples have physical ways to manifest affection and love. Each time we use them, we get closer. Mrs. Lion and I express ourselves by kissing, hugging, snuggling, and holding hands. Negative situations can tend to push people apart. Unlike affection, there’s no conclusive way to dismiss the negativity. In the same sense that we kiss and hug, I get spanked and otherwise punished for upsetting my lioness. These activities are just as valuable as the way we express affection?
It’s all about physical communication. I’m not claiming that this would work for you, but it works for us. Over time, like enforced male chastity, our FLRD is integrating nicely into our lives. We both want to continue with it. More importantly, both of us are committed to doing it better.