Sex is a major factor in enforced male chastity. It strikes me as ironic that a kink dedicated to preventing sexual pleasure is actually part of the larger practice that includes improving sexual enjoyment. Fantasies notwithstanding, wearing a chastity device invariably focuses its wearer on sex.
That’s not surprising. Being locked in a chastity device is a very strong form of sexual attention. Before I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up, she paid very little attention to my penis. It got to the point that I would get desperate for some fun and would “scooch” over to her in bed which she correctly interpreted as a request for sexual contact. Admittedly, our situation was a bit extreme. Over time, we drifted apart sexually. We remained very close in all other respects, but we were drifting apart sexually.
When Mrs. Lion agreed to lock me in a chastity device, she accepted the responsibility of deciding when I get sexual release as well as being teased. She agreed she would unlock me at least once every other day and stimulate me. She didn’t promise that I would have an orgasm each time, but she did agree she would play with my penis.
She has faithfully followed through. Managing my sexual activities has become a routine part of her life. I’ve learned that she has full ownership and control of my penis. All of the sexual tension that was giving us trouble when we began has evaporated.
I realize that our story is probably unusual. However, the practice of enforced male chastity is often misunderstood by people when they first learn about it. Of course, everybody puts their own spin on what they want to do with the practice. Initially, Mrs. Lion decided she would unlock me every day and give me an orgasm. I just couldn’t keep up with that schedule.
Like many other guys, I wondered about being kept from ejaculating for relatively long periods of time. I admit that I got that idea by reading fantasies on the Web. They tend to talk about long periods of deprivation. Mrs. Lion would have none of that. Even though we had gone through a long stretch of almost sex free marriage, it turns out that she enjoys making me ejaculate.
I didn’t have any kind of investment in the idea of long waits. I just thought that’s the way enforced male chastity works. We settled into a rhythm. Even though Mrs. Lion doesn’t track the wait between my orgasms, she manages to space them between four and 10 days apart. After nearly 6 years, she still unlocks me nearly every night and teases me to the edge of orgasm several times before locking me up again.
My point is that even though wearing a chastity device can be a tool to forcibly prevent sexual activity, I suspect it is more often a way to involve a partner at the most intimate level. Another way to look at it I think, is to consider it bondage. In BDSM, bondage is used as a way to establish dominance by physically making the submissive partner defenseless. I like that idea. For example, if Mrs. Lion attaches me to the bed, I can’t escape anything she wants to do to me. I like that idea a lot even though I may experience some “discomfort”.
Having my hands and feet restrained sends an unmistakable message to me that I have no control over what happens to me next. Obviously, I do. We have a safe word. But in the context of our scene, I am completely at her mercy. Wearing a chastity device is exactly the same. In this case, my penis is inaccessible to me. No matter how much I want to, I can’t stimulate it and give myself an orgasm. Again, in reality I probably could pull out; but I won’t. I like the feeling of helplessness.
After years of wearing a chastity device, I’ve been effectively conditioned to avoid sexually stimulating myself by playing with my penis. Even if I’m wild (not wearing the device), it never occurs to me that I can give myself an orgasm. I know I can, but something stops me. It doesn’t even feel interesting. Wearing the device with Mrs. Lion having the only key has trained me.
I think this is the common denominator in enforced male chastity. I suspect that many couples don’t realize that this is happening. Sex is a very powerful force. So is conditioning. The combination of the two can do a lot. I know that some couples like to tie orgasms for the dominant female to opportunities for the male to ejaculate. An arbitrary number of female orgasms is set that must be provided in order for the submissive male to “earn” a chance to ejaculate.
This is a very common chastity fantasy. The idea is that sex has to be earned. The chastity device guarantees there will be no masturbatory cheating. I have to admit I think this is a really hot idea. It’s not the way we do it. Our situation is rather unique. Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex for herself. She also has made it clear that she doesn’t want to associate my sexual release with any obedience-related activities. She likes making my orgasms something she provides on a whim. She reasons that it’s her penis, she can make it ejaculate whenever she wants. I get no input. If she has me jump over hurdles to earn an orgasm, then I do have input.
I like the idea of being obedient to her. She steadfastly refuses to tie this obedience to sex. I understand and agree. Instead, she enforces my obedience by punishing me when I fail to do what she wants. I find that very hot as well.
My point is that we have discussed (here in the blog, email, and in person) how she wants to play. I am aware of the role I must play. We have agreed that I am under enforced male chastity, device or no device, for the rest of my life. Mrs. Lion agrees she will give me sexual attention at least every other day. She does not promise I will get an orgasm after any specific amount of time. She doesn’t tie when I get to come with any disciplinary issues. In fact, there have been many occasions I get an orgasm within an hour of a painful spanking. Sex and discipline are not related in our house.
It pays to take the time to work out exactly how male chastity works for you. Obviously, your keyholder will make the final decision. It’s important you both understand exactly what you’re doing.