What would happen if the male side of a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD) lost interest in sex? Let’s say several years into an established FLRD relationship the male partner’s libido disappears. I think it’s pretty obvious that most of the basis for these practices originate in male sexual feelings. Would this signal the end of the disciplinary relationship?
Before going any further, I want to say that my sexual feelings have not disappeared. But I’ve been thinking about how the various building blocks of this special kind of relationship interact with one another. Probably the largest and most difficult to overcome would be loss of male libido. After all, our male horniness drives us to accept sexual control and puts us into position for discipline. I don’t believe most of us would willingly assume the position for a painful spanking if we also didn’t get aroused thinking about receiving one.
What about our disciplining wives? How are they going to feel about their role if we males are not getting any sexual pleasure from their ministrations? Do they also lose their reason to continue? In other words, do all of these powerful relationship activities depend on an active male libido? If they do, does that mean all of this stuff is simply a sexual activity?
There is no question that my sexual interest affects Mrs. Lion’s pursuit of her role. Lately, I haven’t been very sexually responsive. While she gamely goes on trying to arouse me, most of the other FLRD activities have fallen by the wayside. Mrs. Lion also reports that she’s feeling tired lately and this, of course, is probably one of the main reasons she isn’t as active as usual.
I can’t help but think that if my libido were at a higher level, we would be more active. That’s what got me thinking about the dependency on male sexual interest driving our female-led relationship. I’m not sure this is a bad thing, but after years of FLRD, I would hate to think that we would drift away simply because I’m not interested in getting off.
In our case, Mrs. Lion has lost her interest in sex but still soldiers on as my disciplining wife. The reason she does this is because she knows it supports my sexual needs. At this point that may not be the main reason. FLRD, I think, has become a force unto itself. By this I mean that the activities around Mrs. Lion’s authority are a kind of emotional glue we have both learned to depend on.
There have been times when Mrs. Lion spanked me and I was in no mood to be punished. She persisted and made me assume the position and accept a severe spanking. This is a reasonable example of what a sex-free punishment would be like. I think it was difficult for her to administer as well as very hard for me to accept. However, it was probably a perfect example of FLRD as a standalone part of our marriage.
I am pretty sure that almost all of us start out in a disciplinary relationship out of sexual arousal. I’m also pretty sure it’s the fuel that keeps the male side going. Indirectly, the female side is energized by that same male arousal. I think that in most cases FLRD is a service rendered by the female partner, at least in the beginning.
But that doesn’t mean she’s not getting benefits from this relationship. She has to be or it would die quickly. I think that one of the biggest benefits, however, is seeing the male’s positive sexual reaction to female leadership. It’s a very sincere form of approval when a guy gets hard at the prospect of being made to do something he doesn’t want to do. No matter how much we protest or even cry, that erection betrays our real feelings.
When the erection disappears because of a loss of libido, male approval isn’t so easy to see. The example of my non-sexual spanking illustrates how something other than my approval needs to drive punishing me. In a BDSM scene, pre-scene negotiations provide permission and approval of painful activities. In a 24/7 power exchange like FLRD, the permission is still there but it is not anywhere proximal to the administration of punishment. The fact that the male willingly-but-grudgingly accepts it provides cold comfort.
I believe that our FLRD is important on many levels. Of course, the easiest one to see is sexual. However, I think it goes much deeper than that. It gives Mrs. Lion the ability to express and enforce her will. It provides me with the security of knowing that I’m doing what makes her happy. Even the punishments offer us an opportunity to communicate on a very different and deep level. Over the years, Mrs. Lion has commented about positive effects punishing me brings her.
It’s way too easy to miss this. I get hard thinking about being spanked. That means when the time comes for punishment, my arousal at the idea of a spanking will put me in position to accept my swats. It will also offer tacit consent to Mrs. Lion to bruise my bottom even though I clearly hate what she’s doing while she’s doing it. We both remember that “erection of permission”.
Once that signal is gone, it becomes much more difficult for her. It doesn’t matter if it becomes harder for me because punishment isn’t supposed to be fun. The fact that I’m turned on thinking about it doesn’t change how much it hurts when I actually get it. The only change is that the obvious signal of my consent disappears.
If I lose interest in sex, obeying rules and accepting punishment will be harder for me. I’ll have to find deeper reasons to accept my role as a disciplined husband. They are clearly there. There is a deep emotional connection we’ve forged through Mrs. Lion’s authority and enforcement of her power. Somehow, her use of a paddle supports and enhances our marriage.
Even though I haven’t lost my interest in sex, the medical distractions and my recovery has reduced the importance of sex recently. As a result, the disciplinary side of things receded. It’s true, that I did get spanked for spilling on my shirt. I didn’t say things disappeared; they just moved into the background. The two main rules we started with, no spilling and no eating first, are so deeply ingrained that they survive the distractions.
I’m convinced that even if we both are completely sexless, our disciplinary relationship needs to survive and flourish. Mrs. Lion doesn’t need to see an erection to know that I’m completely committed to our FLRD. I want to see her authority expand and her enforcement grow.
We’ve been in an FLRD for over four years. If I never get another erection, that alone is clear evidence we should continue. I’m not trying to imply that we are at a point where we have to deal with the loss of my libido. My recent difficulties served to get me thinking about the motivations behind our FLRD. I hope that I never have a completely erection-free disciplinary relationship. But if I can’t get it up, I expect things to continue unabated.