Domestic Discipline. Partnership

I think that a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD), also known as Domestic Discipline, is widely misunderstood. Certainly people who read about what we do usually don’t understand what’s happening. I think that most of the people who want to do these things or are even just starting to do them similarly misunderstand.

Because FLRD is about control and authority, it appears that many of the men who want to experience this believe that once their partners agree to try it, their job is done. All they have to do is accept rules and punishments. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m writing this because I keep getting emails and comments that express disappointment when a wife agrees to a female led relationship, for example, tries it for a few days and then stops. The male partner responds with disappointment and confusion.

FLRD or domestic discipline is hard to build into a relationship. Obviously, the first step is to get a fairly detailed agreement on what will happen. Mrs. Lion knows that spanking is important to me. I don’t know why, but it’s very important that I get spanked. Before we attached the idea of punishment to it, I got infrequent spankings for play.

After I had been in a chastity device for a couple of years, I realized that I would like a broader feeling of being controlled. I would also like to be punished with spankings. I talked to Mrs. Lion about it. She tentatively agreed. This was far from the end of the necessary conversation to get us going. She realized that I needed rules. If she was going to spank me as a punishment, I would have to do something to earn it. She set up a couple of simple rules that I was almost sure to break frequently.

Theoretically, my role was to obey my rules and accept my punishments. As we discovered, that just didn’t work in the beginning. Mrs. Lion “forgot” to notice infractions. When she did notice them, she would sometimes forget to punish me. At that point we could have just said it doesn’t work for us. The truth was that neither of us had acquired the necessary habits to successfully live in a disciplinary relationship.

We decided that we would create “punishment days”. These were days that would serve to remind both of us to catch up on dealing with infractions. It was my job, and still is, to remind her on those days that it’s punishment day. I also shared with her the job of remembering what infractions needed to be punished. This helped a lot. I also took on the responsibility of confessing when I broke a rule. Theoretically, that isn’t in our agreement. But since Mrs. Lion hadn’t acquired the habit of closely observing my behavior yet, I helped her by letting her know when I broke a rule.

I didn’t always remember either. But between us, we managed to catch almost all of my infractions. My punishment day reminders allowed Mrs. Lion to set aside a little time to punish me when I needed it. Because we were both actively supporting our FLRD, we were able to build a framework that allowed it to grow.

My point is that while it may feel strange, even contrary to the whole idea of FLRD, the disciplined male has to take equal responsibility to assure that his disciplining wife not only has all the information needed about infractions he commits, but also is reminded to punish him if she forgets. It takes a while. Eventually, it looks more like you imagined FLRD would look when you asked for it.

Mrs. Lion is very observant and doesn’t need my help spotting infractions. She has expanded her authority from our simple rules to punishing me for disobedience and annoying behavior.

Just like enforced male chastity, a female led relationship isn’t something that magically works when you both decide to do it. In fact, agreeing to begin is the easiest part. I still help Mrs. Lion become more effective at punishing me. A lot of readers poke fun at me for my efforts to make things harder on myself. That’s not what I’m doing. Mrs. Lion is my partner. FLRD is something we agreed to pursue together. She has no experience punishing men. I’m the only one she’s ever punished. It’s my job to help her become as effective as she can be.

That means I let her know what might work better when she spanks me. I must be a good teacher. She is certainly a great student because each spanking is more effective than the one before it. She asked me to select a soap to use for washing out my mouth. I did research and found Irish Spring was particularly hated. I went to the store with her and we bought some. Tuesday night, Mrs. Lion washed my mouth out with Irish Spring for the very first time. It was horrible! It tasted awful and burned just a little bit on my tongue. The flavor remained for ages. In fact, I still had a slight taste of it in my mouth on Wednesday morning even after I brushed my teeth.

Mrs. Lion suggested that we might want to look for something less yucky. That’s up to her, but I’m fine with Irish Spring since it is such an effective tool for her to use. The fact that I helped her by finding it and I help her learn to spank more effectively doesn’t mean I like those things. I’m doing my job to make her the most effective disciplining wife she can be. She and I work together to build good habits that support our disciplinary relationship.

All of this is consensual. I think people misunderstand that the word. Consensual doesn’t just mean that I gave her permission to punish me and to be in charge in our relationship. It also means that I agreed to support her in this and help her become as effective as possible while she uses the techniques I helped her learn to make me a better person.

If you are in the process of starting a FLRD, you may both want to read this. Maybe it will start a conversation that will help you become more successful.


  1. There will certainly be wrinkles and issues to overcome. But communication without judgement or blaming will solve most of them. Expectations might need to be adjusted as well. Starting small and building slowly will likely work much better than going extreme at the very beginning.

    1. Author

      The entire structure of a disciplinary relationship depends on what is effective in educating and controlling the disciplined partner. In families that have long traditions of physical punishment, it’s a question that doesn’t need much information to answer. In situations like ours where we are fully grown adults who I’m no experience in either role, it takes a lot to understand what works. I think that more importantly, my wife needs to feel confident and comfortable that the punishments she delivers are within my ability to handle them and are strong enough to affect changes she wants. The only way this can happen, for me at least, is to communicate what works and what doesn’t work as well as suggest things that might work better. It’s up to her to use or not use these ideas.

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