A couple of nights ago Mrs. Lion had an upset stomach. We didn’t get in our usual snuggles. On Wednesday night, she did come over and we snuggled. It was great. But I noticed she stayed far away from her weenie. I didn’t want to say anything because I know she had been having stomach problems. Finally, when she was about to move away, I asked her why she do anything sexual. She told me that I wrote that I wasn’t that interested in sex in my post for yesterday. I went back and reread my post. I didn’t actually say that I wasn’t interested in sex. I did mention that the medications I’m taking may have a negative effect on my interest.
It’s not important that we had that little misunderstanding. It is significant that even a slight mention of lack of interest would generate such a strong reaction. If you’ve been reading our blog for a while, you know that we learn about each other both through conversation and via what we write every day. We also have an email conversation that goes on throughout the day while she’s at work. Prior to all this surgical stuff, Mrs. Lion would either ask me about the “lion weather” or I would let her know my sexual temperature.
Between our email exchanges and the blog, we would clearly communicate our sexual interests for the day. I’m not sure why we started doing this . I know that it seems sort of mechanical to spell out in advance our sexual expectations. Optimally, this should be a spontaneous activity. The fact is that we were never very good at that. Our personalities just don’t lend themselves to romantic outbursts.
Since our sexual activities tend to be kinky and one-sided, spontaneous expressions become even more difficult. I don’t particularly like having a conversation about what are going to do immediately before we do it. That just doesn’t feel awfully sexy to me. So, over time we’ve developed our signaling system.
This isn’t just compensation for things we should do that we don’t. It’s also an opportunity for Mrs. Lion to build anticipation. If she starts writing me about things she’s thinking of doing to me, my mind starts chewing that over and my penis reacts accordingly. She pulled back on doing this because sometimes she doesn’t feel able to follow through and then knows I’ll probably be disappointed. If she under promises she’s covered and if she does end up doing something more, I’m delighted.
This worked very well for us. It worked even better when I was given more to think about. I think it was better to risk a little disappointment then not to promise anything. I really like anticipating. I’m a big boy and if some activity needs to be postponed I have no trouble handling it. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, really hates to disappoint me in any way. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to come through for me.
I appreciate this effort, but I think it’s not good for either of us. I don’t think she can help it. All I can do is remind her that good intentions are better than no intentions. Delaying some fun activity can increase my anticipation even if it provides a momentary disappointment that I can’t have whatever it is when I thought I would get it. After all, the key precept of our FLRD and enforced male chastity is that I don’t control sexual things. Making me wait is certainly part of the game.
In one important sense, Mrs. Lion is right about my sexual interest. All these medications and medical procedures have blunted the sharp edge of my horniness. All of these necessary-but-distracting activities affect her almost as much as they affect me. It seems to me that now is a very good time to go back to our old pattern of announcing plans in advance to provide lots of anticipation. The risk of disappointing me is much smaller than the benefit of refocusing both of us on things we like.
A week or so ago Mrs. Lion covered my balls with clothespins. I didn’t enjoy it. That seems very odd to me. CBT is something I generally find very exciting. Thinking back, I realize that she silently did this. She didn’t say anything she just got me hard, pulled out her bag of clothespins, and went to work. I had no idea that any BDSM play would take place and I was focused on trying to get past being stuck. I was unprepared to enjoy being covered with clothespins.
It’s taken me until now to realize that I was so focused on dealing with being sexually stuck, that I had no room to consider any activity that didn’t include trying to get me past that brick wall. Had we discussed the clothespins as part of the planned activities for the evening, I think my focus would have been on that kind of fun and not on being unable to reach the edge of orgasm.
I don’t think either of us thought much about the way we use our daily conversations as a form of foreplay. It was a style of communication that evolved over time. We never discussed the trade-off between risking not following through after all the buildup. We never considered that postponing activities is a reasonable part of the anticipation process.
Over time, Mrs. Lion has learned to enjoy frustrating me sexually. She knows that on some level I like it when she brings me to the edge over and over and then locks me up panting for an orgasm. It took her a long time to feel good about that. It’s obvious how badly I want to ejaculate. She can see that sometimes I get frustrated and a little angry that I can’t get to the promised land. She’s learned that this is part of the game. I think she even enjoys seeing my frustration. Maybe building anticipation for activities and then postponing them is just another form of the teasing she can learn to enjoy.
I’m not suggesting she should build up my hopes for a fun spanking or CBT session and then intentionally disappointment me. On the other hand, it’s really not that different from getting me within one stroke of ejaculation and then locking me back up in my cage. It’s all part of sexual control.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that building my anticipation is one of the most fun parts of what we’ve done. I think Mrs. Lion may miss my weather reports. I also wonder if I give a neutral or negative report, she shouldn’t use her considerable writing skills to change the lion weather. I think we’ve inadvertently taken a lot of the fun out of what we do. What do you say Mrs. Lion? Can we fix this?