Thursday night Mrs. Lion teased me with her mouth. She’s gotten expert at knowing when I am close to coming. She’s very confident that she can keep me on the edge using her mouth. In the past, she often went too far and I got an unplanned orgasm.  Soon after the teasing, I was back in my chastity device again.

We seem to be back in  our old routine. There’s some comfort in that for me. I’m still not all that happy about being caged. But when I’m wild, I’m not too happy about that either. That suggests my feelings aren’t really related to the device. Sure, wearing it is inconvenient and sometimes a little uncomfortable. But I’ve been dealing with that for years.

We’ve basically stopped playing. We were very active, doing something at least a couple of times a week. When the maintenance spankings stopped, we stopped any sort of BDSM. I’m not unhappy that those spankings aren’t coming at least twice a week. They are genuinely hard to handle. I accept that they are a valid form of training for both of us. Since she started doing them, her intensity has gone up and my ability to accept the spanking has improved. Perhaps when I don’t need punishing in a week, a maintenance spanking can allow our training to continue.

One of the key components of BDSM play for me is that I’m aroused when it takes place. When she used to give me a play spanking, she made sure I was hard and excited before she started. Many times I stayed erect through almost the entire spanking. I had fun. The same was always true for other play as well. I’m not claiming that’s a requirement for BDSM play. But for the play to make sense at least one of us has to be enjoying it.

For example, if Mrs. Lion enjoys seeing how many painful clothespins she can put on my balls, then it doesn’t matter if I’m aroused or not. She’s having fun. If she enjoys it and I’m aroused too, then we are both having fun. My point is that if neither of us is having a good time, why do it?

It bothers me when Mrs. Lion does things to me out of a sense of duty. It makes me feel guilty and an little sad. I know that the bottom always has the most fun. Even with a sexual sadist topping, safe play is often more work than recreation. I’m sure pro doms enjoy their work, but it is work nonetheless. The same is true for Mrs. Lion. I’m sure she would rather play on her iPad than torture me. I hope she will still have fun playing with me. I’m greatful for her efforts on my behalf.