Expectation Management

Sometimes very small changes make a big difference. My shortened Jail Bird is only 1/4-inch shorter than it’s previous 1-1/4 inch length. This is a 20% reduction in length. I wanted the change to maintain better contact between my penis and the top of the cage. My theory, which turns out to be correct, is that the shorter cage would keep my urethra centered at all times. In any case, I like the modification.

I admit that I’ve had some second thoughts about wearing a chastity device. Sometimes I just get tired of being locked up. I felt that way on Monday night after Mrs. Lion locked me into the modified Jail Bird. It felt pointless.

In the cold light of day, I realize that wearing a chastity device is far from unnecessary. It is the connector that assures Mrs. Lion and I have intimate contact. It’s true that with or without a device we will kiss, snuggle, and she will get me off. But our sexual focus gets blurry when I am wild.

Mrs. Lion admitted that she sometimes gets “lazy” when it comes to BDSM. It’s why, she wrote in a post that she doesn’t do anal play. She doesn’t feel up to the extra activity. The same is true of bondage and using our dungeon. CBT (clothespins, ball tying, etc.) and locking me in chastity are within her energy comfort zone, she said.

Monday night she was willing to give me a play spanking. She asked if I wanted one and I said I didn’t. I was tired and itchy. This inactivity isn’t just her problem. We both need structure to help us build habits. The chastity device has been a big success.

Mrs. Lion does enforce my no spilling and no eating first rules. But beyond that, FLRD has stalled. I’ve stopped suggesting play sessions. I do remind Mrs. Lion about manscaping, but I feel guilty when I ask her to play. This is a communication gap that’s on me as much as her. We need to either decide to stop play or find a way to make it part of our lives.

We’re both trending toward inactivity. From the time each of us comes home, we engage in solitary activities. I watch TV and Mrs. Lion plays games on her iPad. Conversation is pretty limited. I’m not sure we need to make radical changes. But the trend worries me a bit.

My surgery seems to have triggered our return to a less active lifestyle. We had to stop playing or doing much else together. Mrs. Lion used a lot of energy taking care of me. When she had nothing to do, she played her iPad games. I wasn’t great company being under the effects of pain meds.

My recovery was slow, but it is complete and it’s been months since I took any pain medication. But the damage was done. Our habits changed. It’s not that we haven’t tried to spice things up. Mrs. Lion was performing maintenance spankings more than once a week. That didn’t last long because it was just too much for me. We’ve gone from two or more a week to none now. We are both way too easy to discourage.

This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s fault. It’s way too easy to blame the dominant partner for the inertia. We’re both responsible. I stopped asking her to do things to me because I feel pushy and controlling when I do. I’m convinced that our FLRD and enforced chastity are work for Mrs. Lion. Her post the other day made it clear that at least for now, she doesn’t want to do more than lock me up and tease me.

That’s quite a lot. Most guys don’t get that. It may be that my expectations are too grand. I want much more than Mrs. Lion feels good about doing. Until that post, I didn’t realize it. I have a great marriage and a partner who is willing to lock me in a chastity device and make me wait for orgasms. I’m truly grateful for that. Thank you, sweetie.


  1. I suspect part of the problem is that you are both out of shape. Why not start walking together in the evenings? Eventually you will both build up some strength and perhaps have more energy for other things. It will also give you good talking time with no electronic distractions to bother you. We walk almost daily and it is a huge part of our communication time. Helps to keep us on the same page.

    1. Author

      Great idea! I like it a lot. I’ll ask Mrs. Lion if we can start.

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