The other day, Julie commented on the writing of Camille Paglia. Here’s what she said:

“I have been reading Camille Paglia recently. One of her quotes stands out, ‘They have only a brief season of exhilarating liberty between control by their mothers and control by their wives. The agony of male identity springs from men’s humiliating sense of dependence upon women. It is women who control the emotional and sexual realms, and men know it.’ ”

I resist this concept since it means my dependence on women is an inescapable defect of my gender. I can be a strong, independent lion, the king of the jungle, but even the smallest lioness can control my most basic needs. I use the lion reference only partly because it is my persona. In fact, I have observed actual lions demonstrating what Ms. Paglia observed.

One day I was visiting the National Zoo in Washington DC. There were two lions snoozing on the grass in their spacious area. The lioness woke up and the male heard her. He got up too. Clearly, he was horny. He walked up to the now-standing lioness and began licking her back; apparently his version of foreplay. She tossed her head and growled. He walked away and went back to sleep.

Sound familiar? It does to me. It’s the lion version of, “Not now, dear. I have a headache.” The female of the species clearly has control of male sexual release. Ok, we can masturbate. That’s the generic “we”. I can’t. But let’s face it, a life of jerking off is not a very pleasant prospect. So yes, I have to agree that our wives do indeed control our sexuality.

Her second point is even more disturbing. She claims that we are also emotionally dependent; first on our mothers, and then on our wives.. I spent a lot of time considering that one. Yes we are. At least I am. I am miserable if I believe Mrs. Lion is unhappy with me. I want to please her and get her approval. I also wanted that from my mother. Unfortunately, in my mother’s case I never managed to get it. I wonder how much of how I am now is the result of that emotional neglect.

Ms. Paglia also claims that our knowledge of this dependence is “agony” and “humiliating.” If emotional support or, for that matter, sex is withheld, it is agony for me. I spent a lot of money on counseling trying to get over my mother’s lack of interest. My emotional weather is highly dependent on how I perceive Mrs. Lion’s satisfaction with me.

I admit that just as Ms. Paglia said, I am aware of my dependence. In my case, I have increased my sexual and emotional dependence through enforced chastity, FLR and DD. Even if my relationship were vanilla, I could hardly escape knowing how dependent I am.

Is this humiliating? In a very real sense it is. I would be incredibly humiliated if I had to admit to other men of my dependence on a woman. A woman! We men promote the illusion that we are fierce, independent creatures who need no one. Admitting that a female actually controls whether or not we are happy is horrible. Even worse is admitting that she calls the sexual shots as well.

I can’t think of anything more humiliating than to admit to the guys in the office that my wife has my sex organs locked in a cage and that I can’t even get hard without her permission! Or, admitting that she spanks me and subjects me to degrading punishment whenever I don’t do what she wants. Oh boy!

Yes, I know I wished this on myself. But that is only partly true. Take away enforced chastity and FLR and I still depend on Mrs. Lion for emotional and sexual happiness. I would be very surprised if every other married man doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe this is why I love it when Mrs. Lion says, “Good boy.”


  1. Author

    The best post. Gets right to the. Heart of the matter.

  2. Author

    A great post that I think expresses my feelings too. I just wish you had provided a link to Julie’s post since I can’t find it

    1. Author

      Thank you for your kind words. It was a comment here, not a post on her blog.

  3. Author

    Her comment and your post have made me think. I would like to read some of Camille Paglia’s stuff. Have you gone to the original source at all?

Comments are closed.