May 2015 (Page 4)

Yesterday, we experienced a brief outage of the Journal. I apologize. For those technically inclined, the caching plugin for WordPress ate up its allocated memory and then choked. This is the second time it’s done it. The first time I allowed a lot more memory for it, but it wasn’t enough. Now, I doubled it again. This plugin allows the site to load faster for you. This problem is due, I think, to people reading a lot of different posts and pages at the same time. Each request caches that page. We have almost 900 posts now. Keeping too many of them in memory can tax the server. I hope my new tweaks will eliminate this problem in the future.

If you’ve been following along, Mrs. Lion is considering whether to require me to occasionally edge myself or actually jerk off to an orgasm. This may not feel like a big deal to you, but in some ways it is. Before enforced chastity, like most men, I occasionally jerked off. Since Mrs. Lion hasn’t been interested in sex for a long time, I was in the habit of providing that entertainment to myself two or three times a week. Mrs. Lion was unaware I did this. I didn’t think she cared. In the process of discussing enforced chastity, I told her about this solo sex. She wasn’t happy about it. At the time I commented that since I am locked up, solo orgasms are a thing of the past. So, as she wrote, she had me jerk off one more time while she watched. Since then, January 2014, I haven’t done any sexual touching.

What’s the big deal if she wants me to play with myself? That isn’t a major change, I think. But there is something else. That’s why I wanted to do yet another (I know you are tired of it) post on jerking off. I’ve noticed that on the rare occasions that I am allowed to shower with no cage, thoroughly soaping and rinsing my penis does not result in the erection I used to get during such a procedure.  Even after an intense edging session like Saturday night, while still wild, manipulating it to pee offered not the slightest temptation to do extra “adjusting”. Have I been conditioned to find self-touching nonsexual? It seems that way.

Being required to jerk off or edge myself may reverse that conditioning. Again, I’m not sure that matters at all. I’m not going to jerk off without permission regardless of how arousing I find my own touch to be. I’m not sure that this conditioning is a good idea anyway. The more my own touch is erotic, the more challenged I am to be a good lion and leave my sexual release to my lioness. There really are two ways to look at this. In my current state, even uncaged, I have no real temptation no matter how horny, to get myself off. If, on the other hand, I do find my own touch sexual, then I am massively tempted when very horny and only my obedience and will power prevents me from an illegal wank.

Which state is better? The way I see it now is that if the desired state of my sexuality is to reduce my interest unless directly stimulated by Mrs. Lion, then my current disinterest in playing with myself shouldn’t be changed. But, if the desire is to keep me horny and wanting release; that is our current process, then making my own touch arousing will further heighten my frustration and challenge me further to obedience.

Enforced chastity is so much more than orgasm control. It’s a complicated game that plays with my sexual needs and desires. Over time, decisions are made that affect such basic things as my ability to stimulate myself. I don’t think either of us would have guessed that this would become an issue. I think that Mrs. Lion will have me edge myself sometimes and will probably let me jerk off while she watches. Of course, I have no advance information on that. It’s just my guess. Only the lioness knows for sure.

I’ve been sitting here trying to decide if I should have Lion masturbate for me. It’s not something that needs to be decided right this second or even any time soon. It’s just on my mind because, well, sometimes it’s just on my mind, and we’ve written about it recently. He insists I wrote a post about not liking the fact that he used to masturbate. I didn’t go through all my previous posts to look at the context in which I said I didn’t like it. The more I think about it, the more I think it was from the point of view of not being involved with giving him the sex he needed at the time. I didn’t care so much that he did it. It bothers me that I put him in the situation where he felt he had to. That still doesn’t answer my question of whether he should masturbate now.

Not long after he was caged, I asked him to masturbate for me so I could see his technique. Sure, you just yank up and down until stuff comes gushing out. Simple. That works sometimes. When Lion is very horny it seems like a gentle breeze will do the trick. But there are nuances. Harder, softer. Faster, slower. I wanted to see what he did. It was educational for me. I don’t know how it felt for him. What is similar to having the teacher catch you passing notes in class and read the note to everyone? Crap! Now everyone knows that secret.

The issue now is whether he should be allowed to touch himself in that capacity anymore. After all, I locked him up to keep his hands off Mr. Weenie. He’s been locked away so he can’t get himself into trouble. He should be dependent on me for all of his sexual needs. Why on earth would I want him to masturbate after all this time?

Lion would still be dependent on me for his sexual needs. He wouldn’t be unlocked if it weren’t for me. True, he does have to keep his hands off Mr. Weenie except for the occasional wild shower or if there is a reason to touch it. Maybe he needs to show me where he has a sore spot. How much trouble can he get himself into with me sitting right there? (Although, given the ideas he comes up with that ultimately lead to trouble for himself, that’s a loaded question.) But I like to watch Lion’s face as I masturbate him. It’s interesting to see him scrunch his face up at times and sneak a peek at me other times. I’d like to be able to concentrate on that sometimes rather than paying attention to when I have to stop. I think it might be more interesting to watch him as he decides how far he can push himself to get just to the edge and no further.

I’m torn. I can see it has the potential to be a slippery slope. Why keep him caged if I’m going to allow him to masturbate anyway? It certainly wouldn’t be a regular occurrence. I don’t think I’d have him do it when he was very horny. The margin of error might be too great. On the other hand, maybe that’s the perfect time to do it. Then I could establish a special punishment for allowing himself to come when he was only supposed to edge himself.

While I don’t think a game like Snake Charmer has devised for Snake would work in our case, having Lion masturbate for me has definite possibilities. I just have to work out my own twists to the idea.

Things seem to move in waves here. Set off by Snake Charmer’s post, Mrs. Lion has been thinking about having me masturbate for her, perhaps even edge myself. This is an odd development in my opinion. One of the first things I used to do that Mrs. Lion expressed dislike for was my masturbation. I didn’t do it excessively, but Mrs. Lion doesn’t like the idea that I can get off without her. I suppose that jerking off while she watches is not excluding her, but it does allow me the ability to give myself an orgasm, something I haven’t been able to do in nearly 500 days. The last time I did this was in front of her just a day or two after my lockup. I can’t say it was all that much fun, but she wanted to see how I pleasured myself.

I can understand her interest in having me play with myself. It saves her the work, though I don’t think that has much to do with her motivation. It is an exercise in control. It makes me actively participate under her control. I’m not sure how I feel about this. It might not work. It isn’t something I ever fantasize about. Apparently the idea has interested Mrs. Lion. That’s excellent. She may have been inspired by Charmer’s post, but I have had absolutely no input. That is a very good sign. I’m not sure Mrs. Lion will try it. The fact she has considered it is progress, I think. To be completely honest about it, I think that jerking off while non-participants watch is a very hot idea. I’m not sure Mrs. Lion falls into the non-participant category. That may be reserved for people who I have never seen naked. I have had occasional fantasies about that.

Based on my sudden horniness Friday night, I think my reduced libido is related to my worries about work. On the other hand, Friday was my fifth waiting day. That is normally the day when my desperation to get off hits its first peak. So, Friday night was part situational and part biology. Mrs. Lion did an amazing job edging me. There is no question that I am fully horny now. This is a dangerous time to suggest activities. I am most likely to agree and support new ideas when I am this crazy to come. After I finally get off, I have a lot of time to regret my adventurous participation.