Male Chastity Journal

This is the five hundredth post in the Journal. It’s a milestone in terms of our journal. It also corresponds to a milestone in our relationship. Yesterday, in her post, Mrs. Lion talked about how enforced chastity has significantly changed our lives. I have been thinking about that too. We both seem to think about the same things at the same time. It’s part of the magic of our relationship.

She mentioned that I always seem surprised when she takes care of me. I am. I never believe that I am worth the time and energy it takes to support me when I don’t feel well. I am very grateful. Mrs. Lion is always there for me and is cheerfully willing to do whatever it takes to make my life better. No wonder I am surprised! Wow! Sappy as it might sound, she means more to me than anything in the world. I will do anything for her. Period.

Post 500 is a very good time to take a look back at the basics. Most obvious, of course, is the fact that I am locked 24/7 in a Jail Bird chastity device. Based on our experience so far, it is unlikely that I will ever go more than a few hours without this cage for the rest of my life.

This cage, as Mrs. Lion pointed out, keeps us focused on sex. Right now it is sex for me, but I have faith that it will be for Mrs. Lion too as time goes by. My cage has become a second “wedding ring”. It’s something that has great symbolic value as well as its obvious physical function. It is a constant reminder to both of us of our respective roles and our sexual commitments. It means that I will never again  make myself come. Any sex I enjoy will be provided by Mrs. Lion.

Oddly, at least to me, after nearly eleven months, I still like this idea. There are times I wish I could masturbate. They are few and far between. I am learning to accept that masturbation is never an option for me. I am completely dependent on Mrs. Lion for release. That brings me back to my first comment. I am continually surprised by how much she is willing to do for (and to) me.

She has accepted the responsibility for my sexual happiness. She understands that it includes hurting me and depriving me of release. That is not easy to do. It takes time and energy. It can be emotionally difficult to cause her mate pain and watch his frustration. I know it may be harder for Mrs. Lion to see me desperately horny than it is for me to suffer being in that state.

She is training me. I know she didn’t really sign up to do that in the beginning, but she is training me to be obedient and to accept her decisions about what pleasure I get or don’t get. It is something I want, of course, but over nearly eleven months there have been many times I wished I could do what I wanted. But I am learning. Just as Mrs. Lion is learning that hurting me and depriving me is ultimately what will make me happy, I am learning that obedience and acceptance are what I need to be happy.

You’re probably tired of hearing about Lion’s back. I’m sure he’s tired of having it hurt. I’m tired of not being able to do anything to help him. Last night he was in so much pain I was afraid to touch him. So much for his tree-humping horniness. I bet he’d be glad to just be sexually frustrated at this point.

It has given me time to think about things. While I still dislike the idea of the cage when I want spontaneity, overall I like the cage. It’s brought us closer together. It’s made sex more of a focus. While I still don’t care if I get sex, I care if Lion gets sex. Or does not get sex, whichever the case may be. At least he gets attention, which is a huge change from before he was caged.

As we’ve both said in the past, we were close and loved each other even during the times of little to no sex. We’re best friends and really believe in the for better or worse, in sickness and health part of our vows. He’s grateful that I take care of him and I wonder why he always seems so shocked when I do. I guess that’s ultimately how I can do the things he wants me to do to him. It’s all part of taking care of him. Ironically I have to hurt him to make him feel good. I have to restrain him to free him. I think I’ve stopped trying to understand it and I’ve just committed to do it. And, apparently, I’m quite good at it.

I’m hoping that Lion will be feeling better by the weekend. We’ve got some catching up to do in the play department. And in the manscaping department. A furry and frisky Lion needs a lot of attention.

Monday night my back was still hurting, but not painful when lying on my back. True to her word, Mrs. Lion got out her bag of tricks and applied clothespins to my balls. She didn’t use the nasty kind, so discomfort was minimal. In fact, it felt rather good. She started while I was still soft, but by the time she loaded me up, I was rock hard.

After a few minutes she removed the clothespins and began teasing me. It took a while to get me very excited; I guess the back pain got in the way. She kept working and got me to the very edge. I thought I was going to have a ruined orgasm. But no, she got to the very edge and stopped. Whew! That’s the closest we ever came.

She continued for a few more trips to the edge. I was panting by the time she finished. Part of me wished she would have given me an orgasm. But of course she didn’t. December 14 is still a way in the future.

As I wrote recently, things that were nearly inconceivable a year ago, are now part of our daily routine.  It no longer feels odd that I am always locked in a chastity device. In fact, I feel a bit naked without it. I’ve stopped worrying if people will see it under my clothes. It’s part of me now. Of course there are times when I wish I could have an orgasm and I know I can’t. It isn’t always that sexy, submissive feeling it was in the beginning. Sometimes it is just annoying that I can’t decide when to get off.

However, that’s exactly how it should feel. I wanted to surrender sexual control. I didn’t necessarily want to suffer long periods of abstinence, but I wanted to give up control of my arousal and orgasms. By definition, it means that how I feel about getting off is never the point. I am beginning to accept that, but it will take more time before it becomes second nature.

What I am learning is that most guys, when they first start out, have no idea what enforced chastity is all about. For a while it feels like a very exciting form of foreplay. But in time, at least for me, the real meaning starts soaking in; my sexual pleasure is completely out of my control. That can be big fun like it was in the beginning. It can also be sad when I realize that I want sex and have no way to do anything about it. Mostly, thought, it feels like sex doesn’t belong to me. It’s a treat that Mrs. Lion can give me. It isn’t something I have a right to feel. It’s a great treat and one I would work hard to earn.

The key is that a part of my body, my male identity is now under the control of another person. Orgasms are like lobsters. I love them but only get them on special occasions. Thank goodness Mrs.Lion enjoys getting me off. Lions aren’t very good at begging.

Lion’s back is still bothering him. But, as I said, all he has to do is lay there and enjoy the ride, so to speak. Actually I thought about riding him last night but I didn’t want to put any strain on his back. I’m sure he would have taken one for the team though.

Just before bed I asked if there was anything I could do for him. Of course he got his leering look on his face and said there was one thing I could do to make him feel better. I told him I wanted to make his back feel better, not his front. Besides, Mr. Weenie had already had his fun and was safely locked up again. He said he wasn’t desperate for an orgasm anyway.

Lion says he hates the wait even if it is “only” nine days. Poor boy. Some caged males wait months. I don’t think we’ll make it to nine days anyway. I’ve been interested in a Lion ride for a while now. Unfortunately it was the wrong time of the month when his orgasm date rolled around last time. Since I’m not horny I’m not doing it for my pleasure. Unless you count the fact that I love having Lion inside me and feeling his orgasm. He loves it too. I just hope his back feels better soon.

I still have not decided whether to keep the scheduled date or not. In the past I’ve just given him bonus orgasms whenever I felt like it anyway so there’s no real reason to change the system. It’s just a guarantee that he will come on that date. Nothing says I can’t take an orgasm sooner. What I really should be focusing on is making him desperate and the only way I know to do that is to play with him more. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but teasing makes the cock more desperate.

If he follows his regular schedule, tonight he will be tree-humping horny and tomorrow he will be belligerent. We’ll see how it goes. Tonight may be his night. Or not.